Counselling Articles

Open relationships are becoming a more common presenting issue in counselling. For the first time in the past few years the divorce rate in the UK has risen. Many blame the economic downturn for the increase, but could it be that the institution of marriage as we know it is in need of a makeover? Some married couples are abandoning traditional rules and approaches to marriage in favour of the open relationship, with hopes that increased flexibility and emotional honesty will provide the key to a successful long-term partnership. But the question is – is it possible to make the transition from a monogamous relationship into an open relationship? And what rules can a couple establish to increase the satisfaction from their open relationship? Here we discuss some of the key issues that result from open relationships, arising from presentations in the counselling room.

Honest Dialogue

Making the transition from a monogamous relationship to an open relationship can take time, patience, and most importantly understanding from both partners. In relationships where one partner or both want to discuss the possibility of an open relationship this conversation is best discussed with honest dialogue. The hesitant partner shouldn’t agree to an open relationship unless they feel comfortable with it, and the other partner should not be “too pushy” about the topic. Both partners should give the other partner the time and space they need to reflect upon the possible transition, and understand the motivations of having an open relationship. Bringing up this conversation can be difficult, and due to the sensitive nature of the material discussed it is likely that it may take more than one conversation to bring about a solution that both partners feel satisfied with. (more…)

Society’s perceptions of human sexuality have changed in the past few decades, and continue to evolve. But despite progressing views and greater equality between the sexes in modern, Western societies, many women still feel pressure to conform to expectations over “proper” female sexual conduct. The influence of the “Double Sexual Standard” (the covert rule that men, and not women, can have multiple sexual partners) can be very distressing for many women particularly for those who have had several past sex partners.

Women who do not follow the Double Sexual Standard, such as the character Samantha in the Sex and the City series, run the risk of being labelled by others as a “slut” or “easy.” Negative connotations associated with words such as these act as a psychological and sexual barrier, deterring many women from being  comfortable with their sex lives. The pressure to conform to a prescribed standard of restricted and acceptable sexual behaviour places stress upon women that men do not experience. This stress can lead to negative emotions (such as shame and embarrassment) connected to a woman’s sexual activity, and may impact the level of satisfaction from sex (i.e. lack of orgasm). (more…)

Do I Have a Normal Sex Life?

With streams of sexually charged material all around us is it any wonder that so many of us are concerned about our sex lives?  Each year couples and individuals of all ages choose to see a sex therapist because of the concerns regarding their sex life.  One of the most common issues that bring couples and individuals into sex therapy is the age old question: “Is my sex life normal?”

Many people think that everyone but them is having a normal sex life and because of this, there is something wrong with theirs.  At times, just thinking about this intimate aspect of our lives can invoke feelings such as: embarrassment, stress, or even shame which makes enjoying a healthy sex life complicated.  The truth about the “normal” sex life is that it is a myth, it simply does not exist.

The French expression: “Tous les gouts sont dans la nature”, which literally means: “All preferences are found in nature,” applies very well to our sex lives.  If you were to imagine and make a comparison of the sex lives of those you see on a daily basis you are going to find differences and this is “normal”.  What is not “normal” is when you have difficulty experiencing and enjoying your sex life.  If you or your sexual partner is experiencing concerns or difficulty related to sex it may be helpful to speak to a therapist to explore whether or not sex therapy is right for you.

By Justin Duwe, Psychotherapist, BSc, MA, MBPsS

Harley Therapy – Psychotherapy and Counselling can connect you with therapists who specialise in sexual issues such as: loss of sexual desire, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, painful intercourse, sex avoidance, Vaginismus, Anorgasmia, sex and pornography addiction.

Sexual problems come in different guises, are widespread, and can be distressing. Most sexual problems are not medically based, and in such cases individuals may look to psychological sex therapies.

Psycho-sexual counselling (sex therapy) works on the underlying causes of sexual difficulties, which are often based on stress, performance anxiety, intimacy issues, depression, boredom or problems in the relationship.

Sex Therapists will help you discover the sources of the problem, gain insight and develop techniques for overcoming sexual difficulties. Common sexual problems including loss of sexual desire, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, painful intercourse, anorgasmia, sex addiction and pornography addiction.

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