{"id":100248,"date":"2018-10-18T11:00:29","date_gmt":"2018-10-18T10:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=100248"},"modified":"2023-03-13T12:59:31","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T12:59:31","slug":"why-do-my-parents-hate-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-my-parents-hate-me.htm","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Why Do My Parents Hate Me?&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_100250\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-100250\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-100250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/5741853015_1dc43430fd-400x300.jpg\" alt=\"why do my parents hate me\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/5741853015_1dc43430fd-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/5741853015_1dc43430fd.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-100250\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: Jon Phillips<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Living with the idea that \u2018my parents hate me\u2019 is very hard<\/strong>. It leaves us with very <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-thoughts.htm\">low self-esteem<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><em>Why would someone bring us into the world only to be unkind to us, or leave us <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/abandonment-issues.htm\">feeling abandoned<\/a>?<\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #666699;\">[Suffering <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/anxiety-vs-depression.htm\">anxiety or depression<\/a> about family issues? Feel alone? <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\">Book a therapist<\/a> you like at a price you can afford and be talking to us as soon as tomorrow.]<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>Do my parents really hate me?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>It is true that some parents have serious issues with loving their child<\/strong>. This would not be about the child, but about the parent. Their deep-rooted issues would stop them from connecting with their children (more on this below).<\/p>\n<p><strong>And it is true that some people have kids by accident, or because<\/strong> they thought they had to, and their personality just isn&#8217;t cut out for being a parent.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But it is more common that the issue is not that your parents hate you, but that they don\u2019t always like you <\/strong>(much as you probably don\u2019t always like them).<\/p>\n<h2>Different ways of showing love<\/h2>\n<p>If your parents actually do love you, why don\u2019t they show it? Well they might be, actually.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #666699;\">Most of us make a big assumption that we all give and receive love in the same way.\u00a0 But we don\u2019t. We all have different personalities, and this affects the way we love.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><strong>Troubles arise when two people have clashing loving styles.<\/strong> If one person shows love in the form of actions, and another wants to receive love in the form of words? Than both parties can be left feeling frustrated and disconnected.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>How might your parents give love in ways that you haven\u2019t considered?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>How is it you want to be given love?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Have you ever told your parents how you would like to be shown love, or what you would like from your relationship with them?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>When personalities clash<\/h2>\n<div id=\"attachment_100249\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-100249\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-100249\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/3972332660_6172814ba7-400x328.jpg\" alt=\"why do my parents hate me\" width=\"400\" height=\"328\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/3972332660_6172814ba7-400x328.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/3972332660_6172814ba7.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-100249\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/psycho-pics\/3972332660\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">wsilver<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>Just like it\u2019s impossible to get along with everyone at school or work, we sometimes <\/strong>just don\u2019t get along with people in our families. Our personalities are just too different.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The problem is that when it comes to family, we have history that we can bring to every situation.<\/strong> We become blinded by emotion, unable to see the situation we are dealing with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/present-moment-secret-better-mood.htm\">here and now<\/a>.\u00a0 We can\u2019t find the compromise we need to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/bad-at-dealing-with-conflict.htm\">end the conflict<\/a>, even if when we have conflict with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-feel-so-alone.htm\">friends<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/is-dealing-with-difficult-colleagues-affecting-your-mental-wellbeing.htm\">colleagues<\/a> we can do so easily.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>If your parents were not your parents but your colleagues or fellow <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/student-stress-what-is-it.htm\">students<\/a>, what would you do to make it easier to get along?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>If your parent was a stranger you just met that you needed to do a project with, what would you be willing to overlook and accept about them?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>It\u2019s all about attachment<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/attachment-theory-bowlby.htm\">Attachment theory<\/a> believes that for a child to grow up into an adult who can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/trusting-others-hard.htm\">trust<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/connecting-with-people.htm\">connect to others<\/a>, they need to have had at least one reliable caregiver from birth to mid-childhood.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">A child needs to be able to trust this caregiver to always love them, no matter what their behaviour or what they say.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>If your parent didn\u2019t get this sort of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/mindful-parenting.htm\">reliable parenting<\/a>, then they might find it hard to \u2018attach\u2019 to others, including you, their own child.<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/attachment-styles.htm\">Attachment disorders<\/a> include \u2018avoidant attachment\u2019 (aloof, don\u2019t connect) and \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/relationship-anxiety.htm\">anxious attachment<\/a>\u2019 (clingy or push pulling and confusing).<\/p>\n<p>Of course is your parent has attachment issues, unless your other parent or guardian was very reliable and compensated,<strong> you yourself might have attachment issues.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2>The power of personality disorders<\/h2>\n<p>If a parent really doesn\u2019t like their child, it can sometimes be because they have a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/mindfulness-help-guide.htm\">personality disorder.<\/a><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #666699;\">A <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/personality-disorder-vs-personality-trait.htm\">personality disorder<\/a> means that we consistently see the world in a different way than most people. This means we think and behave in different ways to others that make connecting with others really challenging, including our own family.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<div id=\"attachment_100252\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9400982682_8cd5e1a3fd.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-100252\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-100252\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9400982682_8cd5e1a3fd-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"why do my parents hate me\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9400982682_8cd5e1a3fd-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9400982682_8cd5e1a3fd.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9400982682_8cd5e1a3fd-180x120.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-100252\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/pandx1\/9400982682\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">minoru karamatsu\uff08\u67c4\u677e\u7a14\uff09<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>But <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/a-personality-disorder-diagnosis-helpful-or-a-trap.htm\">personality disorders<\/a> affect a much smaller percentage of the population than<\/strong> poorly researched articles declaring everyone <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-a-narcissist.htm\">a narcissist<\/a> would have one believe. It&#8217;s more likely your parent has a psychological issue.<\/p>\n<h2>Why parents have no love to give<\/h2>\n<p><strong>What sort of issue could stop a parent from loving a child?<\/strong> And leave you feeling, \u2018my parents hate me\u2019?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/addiction-help-guide.htm\">Addictions<\/a> are an obvious one.\u00a0 An addict puts his or her addiction first, even before their own children. Sometimes what is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/addictive-relationships.htm\">addictive is\u00a0 a relationship<\/a>. If your parents are addicted to each other, with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/black-and-white-thinking-stop-drama-addict.htm\">constant drama<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/relationship-conflict-still-fighting.htm\">fighting followed by making up<\/a>, they might have no emotion left for their kids.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Often it\u2019s the case that parents had<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-childhood-trauma.htm\">traumatic experiences<\/a> in their past. Trauma can directly affect someone\u2019s capacity to love and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-trust.htm\">trust others<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Or it might be that your parents never felt loved by their<\/strong> parents, and are continuing the cycle. They might be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-stop-projecting-feelings.htm\">psychologically projecting<\/a> their fury with their parents onto their children, or even be jealous of you if you are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-happiness-really.htm\">happier<\/a> than they feel.<\/p>\n<h2>What can you do if your parents really don\u2019t love you?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>If you feel unloved by a parent it will directly affect your<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-compassion.htm\">self-esteem<\/a> and your ability to have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/healthy-relationships-help-guide.htm\">healthy relationships<\/a> with others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>We need to learn what<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/authentic-relationships.htm\"> loving, trusting, healthy relationships<\/a>\u00a0even are if we didn\u2019t get one from our parents. And then we need to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/reparenting-yourself-how-to-heal-the-mother-wound.htm\">learn to \u2018reparent\u2019<\/a> ourselves. This means we find ways to give ourselves the support, trust and love we didn&#8217;t get then or now from our parents.<\/p>\n<p><strong>It\u2019s admittedly a big learning curve. You are having to compensate for an entire childhood of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-handle-rejection.htm\">feeling rejected<\/a>. So seeking<\/strong> support is highly recommended. A counsellor or psychotherapist can help you process the emotions that feeling unloved has left you with. You can find a way to handle your parental relationship in a way that works best for you, and learn<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/boost-low-self-esteem-counsellor.htm\"> tools to gain back the self-esteem<\/a> your childhood didn\u2019t provide.<\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"color: #800080;\"><strong>Need help with family issues? Harley Therapy connects you with some of London\u2019s best therapists. Not in London? <span style=\"color: #666699;\"><a style=\"color: #666699;\" href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\">Our booking platform<\/a><\/span> connects you with UK-wide therapists, and <span style=\"color: #666699;\">online therapists<\/span> even if you are in a different country.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><b><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-114425 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/Screenshot-2019-02-23-at-18.17.37-150x150.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy health and wellbeing expert writer\" width=\"130\" height=\"130\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/Screenshot-2019-02-23-at-18.17.37-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/Screenshot-2019-02-23-at-18.17.37-200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/Screenshot-2019-02-23-at-18.17.37-50x50.png 50w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 130px) 100vw, 130px\" \/>Andrea M. Darcy<\/b> is a health and wellbeing expert, trained in person-centred counselling and coaching. She often writes about trauma, relationships, and ADHD, and advises people on how to plan their therapy journey. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Living with the idea that \u2018my parents hate me\u2019 is very hard. It leaves us with very low self-esteem. Why would someone bring us into the world only to be unkind to us, or leave us feeling abandoned? [Suffering anxiety or depression about family issues? Feel alone? Book a therapist you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":100250,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[296,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-100248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.0 (Yoast SEO v27.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>&quot;Why Do My Parents Hate Me?&quot; - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"&#039;Why do my parents hate me&#039;? 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":9,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy Living with the idea that \u2018my parents hate me\u2019 is very hard. It leaves us with very low self-esteem. Why would someone bring us into the world only to be unkind to us, or leave us feeling abandoned? [Suffering anxiety or depression about family issues? Feel alone? Book a therapist you&hellip;","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=100248"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100248\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138169,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100248\/revisions\/138169"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/100250"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=100248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=100248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=100248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}