{"id":100327,"date":"2018-10-30T11:00:48","date_gmt":"2018-10-30T11:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=100327"},"modified":"2023-03-03T16:23:51","modified_gmt":"2023-03-03T16:23:51","slug":"why-do-people-hurt-my-feelings-all-the-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-people-hurt-my-feelings-all-the-time.htm","title":{"rendered":"Why Do People Hurt My Feelings When I Am So Nice to Them?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"you

By: Ged Carroll<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you try really hard in relationships<\/a>? Only to find yourself asking, \u201cwhy have you hurt my feelings when I have done nothing to deserve it?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Let’s look at why other people always let you down<\/a>.<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[Feel overwhelmed by life and totally alone and misunderstood<\/a>? Our online counsellors<\/a> are here for you. Book today<\/a>, talk tomorrow.]<\/span><\/p>\n

Option #1 – They are a terrible person who wanted to hurt you<\/span>. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Admit it, you\u2019ve thought this at times. <\/span><\/p>\n

But faced with this idea now, does something in you start to protest? Or do you feel somehow uncomfortable?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Your instinct is right.<\/p>\n

Yes, a very tiny percentage of the population (we are talking about maybe 3%, regardless of what the internet says) might be ‘narcissists<\/a>‘ who want to intentionally hurt people for amusement. <\/span><\/p>\n

But in general most people don\u2019t set out to hurt others. <\/span><\/p>\n

So while it can be a convenient thing to consider when we are really upset, this statement is rarely true.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Option #2 – They don’t have a master plan to hurt you but are the type of person who hurts everyone around them.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Some people have a tendency, when they themselves are hurt or angry, to <\/strong>project all that hurt and anger on someone else<\/a>, even if they know they do this and that they shouldn\u2019t do it. They snap at you, criticise, say mean things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"hurt

By: Meme Binge<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

And some people know they do this <\/strong>sort of behaviour, but\u00a0can\u2019t be bothered to change. <\/span><\/p>\n

But others want to change but just can’t. <\/strong>They experienced trauma as a child<\/a> that has left them with an impulsive nature<\/a>, or were parented in a way that gave them negative core beliefs<\/a> about themselves and the world. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

This is NOT to say you should always excuse a partner or friend who is mean and criticising and makes little to no effort to change, all because they had a tough childhood<\/a><\/span>. If they are emotional abusers<\/span><\/a> you need to walk away.\u00a0<\/span>But if you know the other person really has tried to change, then they might really not want to hurt you. They just need help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Option #3 – They didn\u2019t actually mean to hurt you. In fact they have no idea they did. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If you feel that everybody is out to get you<\/a>, that every single time you try to be nice people hurt you? This option might be more the truth than the others. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

It\u2019s hard to consider that our belief we are always a victim<\/span><\/a> is not necessarily reality. But it is necessary if we want to stop the endless cycle of being hurt.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If people are not understanding you enough that they do not know what does and doesn\u2019t hurt you, what could that mean?<\/strong> You might need to consider if you are:<\/span><\/p>\n