{"id":100410,"date":"2018-11-08T11:00:03","date_gmt":"2018-11-08T11:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=100410"},"modified":"2022-11-29T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-11-29T12:00:00","slug":"codependency-symptoms-modern-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/codependency-symptoms-modern-times.htm","title":{"rendered":"Codependency Symptoms – Do These Modern Day Excuses Hide Yours?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"codependency<\/a>

By: Kevin Jaako<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

\u2018Codependency<\/a>\u2019 was once a hot topic. What happened?\u00a0Have the symptoms of codependency lessened? Or have we all just become better at hiding them?<\/strong><\/p>\n

[Suffer from codependency symptoms and want help sooner rather than later? Book an online therapist now<\/a><\/span> and be talking as soon as tomorrow.]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Clarifying codependency<\/h3>\n

The word ‘codependency’ has become more an adjective we throw around than the real issue it is. <\/strong><\/p>\n

A sibling is spending all her time with a new partner<\/a>, and we call her \u2018codependent\u2019.\u00a0 A friend starts doing drugs<\/a> and we want then to stop, so joke we are codependent. Or we say our colleague<\/a> is codependent for sucking up to the big boss<\/a> for approval.<\/p>\n

Codependency is not just about wanting approval, or <\/strong>spending\u00a0a lot of time on another person. And it\u2019s normal to not want someone you love to destroy themselves.<\/p>\n

Real codependency is when these normal desires go too far, and we lose ourselves to them. <\/span>We over invest so heavily in trying to \u2018help\u2019 others and win their approval that we lose site of our own boundaries and identity. We are not just affected by the other person’s behaviours, we are obsessed with trying to change and control those behaviours.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

For a thorough overview of what codependency is and isn’t, and an exact list of symptoms, read our article, “Are We All Codependent<\/a>?”.<\/p>\n

7 Modern Day Excuses That Hide Codependent Behaviour<\/h3>\n
\"Codependency

By: Kevin Dooley<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

So now that we have reminded ourselves what codependency is, how might you be hiding your own real issue with it?<\/strong> Here are some common modern day tricks.<\/p>\n

1. \u201cI’m not codependent, I’m just a Millennial”.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

If you are part of the \u2018Me\u2019 generation, then you are supposed to be self-centred and want your own way<\/strong>, right?<\/p>\n

So you can brush of wanting everyone to like you, needing your partner or friend to conform to your wishes, and being on an endless drama high<\/a> about your relationships as ‘the new normal’.<\/p>\n

2. \u201cI\u00a0 only get manipulative and needy in texts and PM’s, so it doesn\u2019t count.\u201d<\/span><\/h4>\n

The latest face of codependency is digital.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>If you and your partner tend to talk very little in person, but have long drawn out arguments via text and messages? That include endless conversations about his or her behaviour, and what they do and don\u2019t do, and how they need to make changes? If you obsessively think about how you can improve him or her? And panic if you don’t get a text response quickly?\u00a0 You are likely codependent.<\/p>\n

3. \u201cWe met on a dating app and have never actually met in person, so how can I be codependent?\u201d<\/span><\/h4>\n

Have you had a long relationship for several months where you only talk on phone, online, and texts?<\/strong> Do you think about the other person non stop and try to \u2018help\u2019 him or her with their problems? Do you take their late night calls when they are high or drunk and try to counsel them?<\/p>\n

Are they constantly on your mind, have you at all changed your own schedule to<\/strong> fit the other person\u2019s needs? Then you are codependent whether you\u2019ve met in real time or not.<\/p>\n

4. \u201cI seek approval of strangers on social media, but everyone does.”<\/span><\/h4>\n
\"symptoms<\/a>

By: Eddy Pula<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

It goes back to how much you have lost yourself to the situation, and if at heart it’s about control.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you are so obsessed with social media<\/a> approval, especially from certain people, that you spend hours thinking about how to win it? If you have changed your schedule to be on line when a certain someone is? Then really it is a kind of codependency, alongside a heavy dose of low self-esteem<\/a>.<\/p>\n

5. “I am just really romantic and committed, and a bit of drama is normal – look at celebrities.”\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

The internet has unfortunately not only made codependent relationships the new norm, it often glorifies them. <\/strong><\/p>\n

There are hundreds of articles on “How to Get and Keep Your Man” (manipulative\u00a0<\/a>behaviour, anyone?). And famous couples have their rollercoaster relationships<\/a> paraded out daily.<\/p>\n

But just because something is ‘internet normal’ doesn’t mean it’s healthy.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Not sure you even know what a healthy relationship is, then?<\/strong> Go read our Guide to Relationships<\/a>.<\/p>\n

6. \u201cI was codependent, but now I take medication.\u201d<\/span><\/h4>\n

There is an unfortunate trend, particularly in the USA, to put people on drugs without offering therapy.<\/p>\n

Codependency symptoms might be suppressed by medication. But they don’t magically go away unless we decide to get to their roots and self heal. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If you are not doing so, they will be still be there when you stop taking drugs.<\/p>\n

7. “I am not codependent because I am independent and need nobody.”<\/span><\/h4>\n

This is actually the battle cry of a true codependent who is taking a break from relationships but isn’t on the path of healing and self-awareness. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The opposite or flip-side of the codependency coin is ‘counter dependency<\/a>‘. When we are counter dependent, we refuse any and all connection<\/a>. And when a codependent steps out of a relationship without any support, they often go to this other extreme in an attempt to ‘prove’ they are ok.<\/p>\n

Do you see yourself in the above codependency symptoms? Feel it’s time to seek help? We connect you with therapists in central London<\/a><\/span> who understand. Not in London? Our booking platform<\/a> <\/span>helps you find therapists across the UK and online therapists<\/span><\/a> you can book from any country.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Have a question about codependency symptoms, or want to share your experience of codependency with other readers? Use the public comment box below.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018Codependency\u2019 was once a hot topic. What happened?\u00a0Have the symptoms of codependency lessened? Or have we all just become better at hiding them? [Suffer from codependency symptoms and want help sooner rather than later? Book an online therapist now and be talking as soon as tomorrow.] Clarifying codependency The word ‘codependency’ has become more an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":100428,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6,125],"tags":[332,118,90],"class_list":["post-100410","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-self-esteem","tag-codependency","tag-low-self-esteem","tag-relationship-issues","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nCodependency Symptoms - Do These Modern Day Excuses Hide Yours? - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Codependency symptoms have changed with the times. There are new ways to be codependent. 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"\u2018Codependency\u2019 was once a hot topic. What happened?\u00a0Have the symptoms of codependency lessened? Or have we all just become better at hiding them? [Suffer from codependency symptoms and want help sooner rather than later? 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