{"id":100586,"date":"2018-12-04T11:00:15","date_gmt":"2018-12-04T11:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=100586"},"modified":"2023-03-07T19:54:13","modified_gmt":"2023-03-07T19:54:13","slug":"feeling-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-alone.htm","title":{"rendered":"Always Feeling Alone In a Crowd? 7 Real Reasons Why"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"feeling<\/a>

By: Gareth Williams<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

You have tried all the advice.<\/strong>\u00a0You joined a gym<\/a>, attend groups of people who have the same interests as you, make an effort to attend work events<\/a>. Maybe you even live with a partner.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But you are feeling more alone than ever. <\/strong>How is it possible?<\/span><\/p>\n

[Feel like the pit of loneliness inside is going to eat you alive? Need to talk to someone who understands, fast? Book an online therapy session<\/a><\/span> today at a price you can afford, be talking as soon as tomorrow.]\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why am I feeling so alone all the time?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Deep rooted feelings of loneliness are often nothing to do with the present but everything to do with the past.<\/strong> <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s look at possible reasons you feel so alone<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

1.You are afraid of real intimacy. <\/span><\/h3>\n

A deep, endless feeling of loneliness<\/a> happens because we are afraid of intimacy<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

We are not talking romantic intimacy here. We are talking about letting others see <\/strong>the real you<\/a>, complete with\u00a0your fears and worries<\/a>, hopes and dreams. This involves being vulnerable. And if you have a fear of intimacy, just reading that would have given you anxiety<\/a>.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

2. You have no idea how to connect with others. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"I

By: JD Hancock<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Not everyone finds connecting to others<\/a> easy. It\u2019s sadly not something they <\/strong>teach at school, and if you grew up in a family environment where there was connection, you might not have had it modelled to you. <\/span><\/p>\n

You might, say, have grown up with a parent with social anxiety.<\/a>\u00a0Or with older relatives who came from a generation where you keep everything to yourself, and see others as a threat<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you also struggle with emotions and have been accused of not having any?\u00a0<\/strong>Read our article, “What is Alexithymia<\/a>?”.<\/p>\n

3. You didn\u2019t get<\/span> prope<\/span>r<\/span> attachment. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Attachment theory<\/a> believes that, in order for a child to grow up into adults who feel safe and comfortable forming bonds with others? <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

We need to have had a caregiver in the first years of life we could rely on, both to keep us safe, and to love us unconditionally. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If we didn\u2019t get that, if our caregiver was in any way unreliable, hot and cold, or just not well themselves? Then we can end up with<\/strong> attachment issues<\/a>. This includes anxious attachment, where connecting with others is overwhelming. And avoidant attachment, where we feel safer just not even forming bonds at all. Both leave you lonely. <\/span><\/p>\n

4. The parenting you received drowned out the real you. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Perhaps your parent(s) did, on the surface, take care of you and love you. But they didn\u2019t let you<\/strong> be yourself. You were given love only if you lived up to certain expectations<\/a>, or only when your parent was in a good mood. <\/span><\/p>\n

So you learned to change who you were to things that made<\/strong> your parent happy and gained approval. Over time, this becomes second nature. The real you became so buried that you often, as an adult, question who you are<\/a> at all. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

And here\u2019s the thing about weak self-identity<\/span><\/a>. I<\/span>t\u2019s hard to connect to what doesn\u2019t seem there, or is constantly changing. So your identity issues can mean others find you too hard to understand<\/a>. You are left feeling desperately alone. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

5. You<\/span> experien<\/span>ced<\/span> a childhood trauma. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"feeling<\/a>

By: Lauri V\u00e4in<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

The one thing that can fracture any ability to feel connected to others is<\/strong> trauma<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

This can include things like emotional, physical, and sexual abuse<\/a>, neglect, or losing a parent or loved one<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Children often blame themselves for trauma. So any<\/strong> childhood trauma<\/a> can mean you not only feel that connecting to others is dangerous, you feel that you are unworthy of being loved<\/a> anyway. So you unconsciously push others away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

6. You are addicted to toxic relationships.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Both addictive romantic relationships<\/a> and toxic friendships<\/a> leave us lonely. When we are always engaged in power struggles, there is no chance for real connection<\/a>.<\/p>\n

7. You have a personality disorder. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If you not only can\u2019t connect to others, but you find others impossible<\/em> to understand?<\/strong> And if others in return always call you strange, different, or even belittle you for the ways you think and act? You might have a personality disorder<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

A personality disorder means you naturally see the world differently than others. Your brain is geared to<\/strong> think in ways that are outside the norm, leading you to behave in ways that are outside the norm. Which can mean you are always an outsider and feel alone. <\/span><\/p>\n

What can I do if this is me? <\/span><\/h2>\n

If your feelings of loneliness are from deep rooted past issues, talk therapy can help you process your<\/strong> past experiences and repressed emotions<\/a>. You can also learn and practice new ways of relating<\/a> with your therapist. Read our article on “Types of Therapy That Help You with Relationships<\/a>” for some ideas. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you are concerned you might have a personality disorder, you might want to see a<\/strong> psychiatrist<\/a> who can put you through diagnostic tests<\/a>. Or talk to a therapist. If they think your suspicion might be right, they can then help you find a psychiatrist. In the mean time, they can help you learn to understand others better<\/a>, and to communicate in ways that others understand<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ready to reach out for help and stop feeling so alone? Harley Therapy puts you in touch with top therapists in London<\/a>, and now across the UK via our booking platform<\/a>. Not in the UK? Book an online therapist<\/a> and talk from anywhere.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy<\/b> is a health and wellbeing writer as well as mentor, trained in person-centred counselling and coaching. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Andrea M. Darcy You have tried all the advice.\u00a0You joined a gym, attend groups of people who have the same interests as you, make an effort to attend work events. Maybe you even live with a partner.\u00a0\u00a0 But you are feeling more alone than ever. How is it possible? [Feel like the pit of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":100588,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[4,6],"tags":[378,430,260],"class_list":["post-100586","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-depression","category-relationships","tag-depression","tag-intimacy-issues","tag-loneliness","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nAlways Feeling Alone In a Crowd? 7 Real Reasons Why - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Feeling alone when surrounded by friends and colleagues? 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":1,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy You have tried all the advice.\u00a0You joined a gym, attend groups of people who have the same interests as you, make an effort to attend work events. Maybe you even live with a partner.\u00a0\u00a0 But you are feeling more alone than ever. How is it possible? [Feel like the pit of…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100586","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=100586"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100586\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":139111,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100586\/revisions\/139111"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/100588"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=100586"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=100586"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=100586"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}