{"id":100667,"date":"2018-12-13T11:00:47","date_gmt":"2018-12-13T11:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=100667"},"modified":"2023-03-12T13:30:36","modified_gmt":"2023-03-12T13:30:36","slug":"how-to-help-someone-with-an-eating-disorder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-help-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm","title":{"rendered":"How to Help Someone With an Eating Disorder (And What NOT to Say)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"how<\/a>

By: Zorah Olivia<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Have a family member or loved one<\/strong> with an eating problem<\/a>? Worried about doing or saying the wrong thing, or just have no idea about how to help someone with an eating disorder? <\/span><\/p>\n

How to help someone with an eating disorder<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s normal to want to help someone with an eating disorder<\/a>, but it\u2019s crucial you approach it in the right way. Follow these tips.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Treat him or her like a normal person. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\n

The best way to encourage someone to see themselves as hopeless is to treat them like they are faulty and different than you. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u00a0Remember that he or she is still the person they always were. They are just not well at the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

The eating disorder is a sickness, and a potentially very dangerous one, true. But would you treat someone with the flu as if they had done something terrible, and you didn\u2019t know what to do with them?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

[Worried that you yourself might have an eating disorder? Or feel unable to cope with a son or daughter’s eating problem? Book a therapist<\/a><\/span> who understands and can actually help you.]<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Don\u2019t make comments about their eating or body. <\/span><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s simply not helpful to tell an anorexic they need to gain weight, or warn a bulimic to not overeat.<\/a>\u00a0And you don’t need to talk about how you eat, either, or ask them for permission to eat in front of them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Comments like these make the person feel ashamed, and shame<\/span><\/a> makes people act out even more. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

3. Keep your advice and sympathy to yourself. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Platitudes in particular help nobody. Things like<\/strong> \u2018you just have to cheer up\u2019, or \u2018you have to be strong\u2019 again just make someone feel ashamed. If it really was that simple, he or she would have figured that out by now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Replace sympathy with empathy.<\/strong> While sympathy, feeling sorry for someone, makes someone feel embarrassed and pathetic, empathy means you care about someone\u2019s suffering but don\u2019t see them as powerless. For more on the important difference, read our article \u201cSympathy vs Empathy<\/a>“. <\/span><\/p>\n

4. Get educated. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"help

By: Nicki Dobrin<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Spend a few hours doing some proper research and finding out what it\u2019s really like to have an eating disorder<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

These days our understanding of eating issues is much better. There are even<\/strong> new eating disorder diagnoses<\/a>\u00a0that cover a wider range of symptoms than just \u2018anorexic\u2019 and \u2018bulimic\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

When we understand something, we are more comfortable around it and are more able to extend empathy. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

5. Have normal conversations and be yourself. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Eating disorders happen when someone feels<\/strong> emotional pain and is overwhelmed by the world around them that they can’t control.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If everyone who knows about their eating disorder tiptoes around the sufferer,<\/span> they then feel even more alone against all this. <\/span><\/p>\n

The most helpful thing is to be<\/strong> yourself and talk about things you always did. If you like to talk about politics or school<\/a>, dating or sports<\/a>, if this was what you used to talk about, then still do. <\/span><\/p>\n

Better yet, why not ask the person what they<\/strong> want to talk about? And practice your best listening skills<\/a>?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Don\u2019t pretend their eating disorder doesn\u2019t exist. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Of course acting like things are just like they always were is not helpful, either. Things clearly are not the same.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

So while it\u2019s important to connect<\/a> in the same ways you used to, pretending the eating disorder doesn\u2019t exist will just feel uncomfortable for you and the other person.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s normal to mention the eating disorder. Just do it in a sensitive way. Keep the<\/strong> conversation between you and them, ask questions and listen without offering advice<\/a>, and then just let them know you are always there if and when they want to talk. <\/span><\/p>\n

If this is not true, and you are unable to be a support, it\u2019s better to be honest about that.<\/strong>\u00a0Not everyone is good at helping, and promising something we can’t deliver can be a disappointment the other person just doesn’t need at this time. Instead, offer to help find support. \u201cI wish I could be helpful but I am not very good at these things, but I would be happy to help you find support elsewhere\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n

7. Please don\u2019t guilt trip your friend or relative. <\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"\u201cYou are killing your mother<\/a> with this,\u201d \u201cthe family is falling apart because of you\u201d, \u201cdon\u2019t you think this is a little selfish?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Look. It\u2019s okay and even normal to think these things. They are real things we think when faced with the powerless feeling of watching someone we care about destroy their health and endanger their life. Our minds reach to blame<\/a> in order to try to understand things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

But these are things to work out for yourself, on your own time, or in family therapy, where it\u2019s a safe environment to vent. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

What if you aren’t sure he or she has an eating disorder and want to ask?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Asking a loved one if they have a problem is actually a good idea.<\/strong> Yes, you might be wrong. He or she might just be stressed<\/a>. Even so, an honest conversation can help them. And if it is an eating disorder<\/a>, you might help save their life.<\/span><\/p>\n

Often people who suffer from an eating disorder feel ashamed about their problem. So they will avoid reaching out for help. If you reach out first, it can be a lifeline.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Again, this is very much about choosing the right moment and being very sensitive.<\/strong> We\u2019d recommend you read our article on \u2018Telling Loved Ones They Need Counselling<\/a>\u2019, as all the same rules apply. Pick a good moment, be educated and prepared, keep it between them and you, listen<\/a>, don\u2019t judge<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

What if you just can\u2019t handle the situation anymore? <\/span><\/h2>\n

Is it a close family member you live with who is going through an eating disorder?<\/strong> Do you feel overwhelmed by your anger<\/a> and frustration around it? <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Families<\/a> are working units. And when one person isn\u2019t well, it can often signify issues running through the family itself. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

One of the best things you can do for a family member with an eating disorder is seek support yourself. You will not only learn how to<\/strong> manage your emotions, but how to communicate better<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Family therapy<\/a> is also highly recommended for eating disorders. It can mean the person with the disorder has a far higher chance of getting better.<\/span><\/p>\n

Harley Therapy connects you with some of London’s best eating disorder counsellors<\/a>. Not in London, or even the UK? Use our online booking site<\/a> to find an online therapist<\/a> you can talk to from wherever you are.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Comments are closed on this article.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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