{"id":100946,"date":"2019-01-15T11:00:54","date_gmt":"2019-01-15T11:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=100946"},"modified":"2023-03-03T15:36:18","modified_gmt":"2023-03-03T15:36:18","slug":"being-happy-why-is-it-so-hard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/being-happy-why-is-it-so-hard.htm","title":{"rendered":"Being Happy – Why Is It so Hard for You but Not Others?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"being

By: Richard Riley<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Does being happy always seem out of your reach, no matter how hard you try?<\/strong> Does it seem like you are the only person you know who can\u2019t just feel peaceful and joyful<\/a> at will?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The truth about being happy <\/span><\/h2>\n

It\u2019s a myth that anyone feels happy all the time<\/strong>, or that life is supposed to make us happy, even. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s also an American myth, <\/strong>so out of control America has even invested millions in brain chip implants to keep people happy<\/a>. Other cultures can be against the Western happiness obsession and definition of happiness<\/a>. Nor do they have such a big problem with depression<\/a>, which leads to the next point.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Buying into the myth we are supposed to feel happy all the time makes us so obsessed with what stops our happiness, we can lose the capacity to see what we do<\/span> have and what is<\/span> going right. So the pursuit of happiness can lead to anything but.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

[Is your unhappiness unbearable? Are you having suicidal thoughts<\/a><\/span>? Talk to one of our registered online therapists<\/span><\/a> from anywhere in the world. Book today<\/a><\/span> and start as soon as tomorrow.]<\/span><\/p>\n

Myths about happiness you need to know <\/span><\/h2>\n

Let\u2019s quickly break down the big myths about happiness<\/a> that have you seeing everyone else as happy but not yourself. <\/span><\/p>\n

1. Smiling, laughing people are happy. <\/span><\/h3>\n

As any psychotherapist<\/a> can tell you, people who seem the happiest can be the most depressed<\/a>. They have just struggled so long with their own sense of failure<\/a> they\u2019ve created a perfect false exterior. So don\u2019t make assumptions<\/a> about other people\u2019s happiness.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. M<\/span>entally healthy people are happy all the time. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"being<\/a>

By: Glenn Fleishman<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Absolutely not. People who seem happy non-stop can have serious issues with repression<\/a> and denial<\/a>. Life involves breakups<\/a>, job loss<\/a>, bereavement<\/a>, divorce<\/a>\u2026. Everyone goes through sadness<\/a>, anger<\/a>, and fear. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Good mental health means we know how to process our emotions, learn from experience, and bounce back, known as \u2018resilience\u2019<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

3. There is something wrong with you if you are not happy. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Constant unhappiness does not mean you are flawed. It means there is something within you that needs dealing with. Unhappiness can even be seen as a sign there is something right with you – your emotional system works.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

5 Major reasons being happy is not easy for you<\/h2>\n

1.You never learned to be happy when growing up. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If your parents disapproved of displays of emotion, punished you for it, or even if they were just very negative all the time? You might have learned <\/strong>how to be miserable and negative<\/a> in order to fit in and earn affection. <\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, that behaviour continues into adulthood. You unknowingly focus on what isn’t working<\/a> all the time, and assume the worse<\/a>. Your hidden negative belief system<\/a> can even drive you to make bad choices that continue to make your life worse.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2. You grew up in a culture where showing joy wasn\u2019t done. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If you grew up in a culture where showing joy was seen as arrogant and insensitive, and now you live in a culture where it\u2019s expected? People might always ask why you are sad. Inside, you might be quite content. <\/span><\/p>\n

3. You have a naturally more sensitive personality.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n
\"being<\/a>

By: Marixa Namir Andrade<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Some people are naturally\u00a0more sensitive than others<\/a>, so are more reactive<\/a> to difficult things and experience sadness more easily. You might, though, also feel more joy than usual, if and when you do feel happy. <\/span><\/p>\n

4. Your basic physical and emotional needs are not being met. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If you don\u2019t have the basics of life in place so that you can feel safe, then happiness is much harder. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

The most known theory here is Abraham Maslow\u2019s \u201chierarchy of needs\u2019<\/strong>. At the bottom are basics like food and warmth, and security<\/a>, building up to emotional needs like friendship<\/a>. Higher up still are things like a sense of accomplishment<\/a>, but they are harder to achieve without the lower needs in place. <\/span><\/p>\n

A more modern form of this idea is called \u201cHuman Givens<\/a>\u201d. A psychotherapeutic approach by British psychotherapists Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell, it\u00a0<\/span>proposes mental illness<\/a> simply doesn\u2019t exist if basic emotional needs are met. <\/span><\/p>\n

5. You experienced difficulties or even trauma as a child. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If you do everything in your power to be happy but it just doesn\u2019t work? Then there is a high chance that you have<\/strong> unresolved childhood issues<\/a> or even childhood trauma<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

When we experience<\/strong> difficulties as a child<\/a> they change the very way we see the world.<\/a>\u00a0 Trauma can even change our brain structure<\/a>. Without realising it, this leads to being an adult living his or her life from a limited perspective<\/a> that blocks your happiness. <\/span><\/p>\n

What can I do if being happy is hard for me?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you’d like to learn basic things you can start implementing into your daily life, then sign up to our blog now to receive an alert when we post our next piece in this series, “Easy Ways To Feel Happier With Yourself and Your Life.”<\/em><\/p>\n

If you feel that your past experiences are driving your present unhappiness,<\/strong> consider professional support. Yes, friends<\/a> are great, and so is self help<\/a>. But a registered therapist<\/a> creates a safe, unbiased space for you to move forward much faster.<\/p>\n

Harley Therapy puts you in touch with some of London’s best counsellors and therapists<\/a>.<\/span> Not in London, or not even in the UK? Find UK-wide registered therapists<\/a><\/span> on our booking site, or book Online therapy<\/span><\/a> from anywhere.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Still have a question about being happy, or want to share an experience about how you helped yourself feel better? Share in the public comment box below.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy is a lifestyle and wellbeing writer as well as a coach who loves writing about mental health. Find her or hire her @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Andrea M. Darcy Does being happy always seem out of your reach, no matter how hard you try? Does it seem like you are the only person you know who can\u2019t just feel peaceful and joyful at will?\u00a0 The truth about being happy It\u2019s a myth that anyone feels happy all the time, or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":100948,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-100946","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-depression","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nBeing Happy - Why Is It so Hard for You but Not Others? - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being happy can seem so easy for everyone else but you. What is wrong with you? 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":8,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy Does being happy always seem out of your reach, no matter how hard you try? 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