{"id":100978,"date":"2019-01-17T11:00:16","date_gmt":"2019-01-17T11:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=100978"},"modified":"2023-03-09T18:21:25","modified_gmt":"2023-03-09T18:21:25","slug":"a-sense-of-self-who-am-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/a-sense-of-self-who-am-i.htm","title":{"rendered":"A Sense of Self – How Important Is It to Know Who You Are?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"senseby Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWho am I\u201d? It\u2019s a question that can send the best of us down a rabbit hole.<\/strong> Do we have to have a self identity, even? And what if your sense of self is weak<\/a>, or even non-existent?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[Feel like you are lost and have no idea who you are? Need someone to talk to, fast? Book one of our online therapists<\/a> today, get help as soon a tomorrow.]<\/span><\/p>\n

What is self identity, anyway? <\/span><\/h2>\n

Self identity, or \u2018self concept<\/a>\u2019 in psychology, refers to the ways you perceive, describe and evaluate yourself\u00a0<\/strong>in relation to others.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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What do you see as your qualities, your defining characteristics and your responsibilities in the world? <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It sounds very individual. And yet our sense of self is heavily influenced by others around us (our ‘social identity’) and also the environments we exist in and grew up in. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

For more, please read<\/strong> our article, “What is Self Concept, and How Can It Help You?<\/a>“.<\/p>\n

Can my sense of self change? <\/span><\/h2>\n

It’s true that most of our self-identity is formed as children and teens.<\/strong> As children we imitate those around us, and then as teenagers we challenge all that we have been imitating until we find what identity works for us. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson called this adolescent stage ‘identity vs role confusion’.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But then life challenges arrive,<\/strong>\u00a0and we learn<\/strong> new things about ourselves and the world that change us. So yes, our self-identity can fluctuate. <\/span><\/p>\n

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It’s okay to not always be sure who you are, or to question yourself. As long as you are coping with daily life and are<\/span> resilient<\/span><\/a> enough to handle challenges and navigate relationships, your sense of self is probably fine.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If our sense of self is very low, and we aren’t coping, we might experience an ‘identity crisis’<\/strong>. Read about this in our article, “7 Signs You Suffer From an Identity Crisis<\/a>“.<\/p>\n

A poor sense of self and relationships<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"senseGetting by at work, keeping it together in general, but still not sure if you have enough of a sense of self? Look to your relationships.<\/em><\/p>\n

A poor sense of self can mean that in relationships others struggle to understand us.<\/strong> This can leave us very lonely<\/a> and even\u00a0depressed<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Or we can make the mistake of trying to find an identity though our relationships<\/strong>, meaning we mistake codependency<\/a> for love. We might even choose one unhealthy relationship<\/a> after another.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why do I have a poor sense of self and identity? <\/span><\/h2>\n

Having a poor sense of self is often a product of a difficult childhood, where you experienced<\/strong> emotional neglect<\/a> or childhood trauma<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Emotional neglect means that we didn\u2019t receive proper<\/strong> \u2018attachment<\/a>\u2019 as a child. This means you didn\u2019t have a caregiver you could rely on to love and accept you no matter what. You learned to adapt yourself in order to receive love, hiding your\u00a0<\/span>true thoughts and feelings. <\/span><\/p>\n

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The result is we grow up into adults who are so used to being what others want, we no longer know who we really are. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Trauma<\/a>, on the other hand, damages our sense of self because it destroys our<\/strong> capacity to trust<\/a> not just others, but our very selves. <\/span><\/p>\n

Self identity and mental illness <\/span><\/h2>\n

Having a changing sense of self can mean we aren\u2019t always able to function in society, or are even seen as<\/strong> \u201cmentally ill\u201d. Mental health diagnoses<\/a> that involve a lack of self identity<\/a> include:<\/span><\/p>\n