{"id":101037,"date":"2019-01-22T11:00:35","date_gmt":"2019-01-22T11:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=101037"},"modified":"2023-03-06T09:30:20","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T09:30:20","slug":"love-or-infatuation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/love-or-infatuation.htm","title":{"rendered":"Is it Love or Infatuation? And Why the Difference Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

By: tanjila ahmed<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Sure you are \u2018head over heels\u2019 in love, but your friends keep saying it\u2019s just infatuation?<\/strong> What is the difference between love and infatuation, anyway? And why does it matter?<\/span><\/p>\n

What is love?<\/h2>\n

I<\/span><\/strong>n psychology, ‘love’ could be seen a<\/strong>s a healthy relationship<\/a> between two people where you see and accept each other, then support each other to grow as people.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For more, read our free “Guide to Relationships”<\/a>\u00a0and see our article on ‘What is an Authentic Relationship<\/a>?’.<\/p>\n

And what is infatuation? <\/span><\/h2>\n

Infatuation, on the other hand,<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0is a state of intense admiration based on what we think we know about someone. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Even if we are around the other person a lot, infatuation tends to be<\/strong> a limited perspective<\/a>. We only see only what we want to see.<\/span><\/p>\n

[At the end of your rope after another infatuation has ended? Book an online therapist<\/a> from anywhere you are in the world, at a price you can afford, and receive the support to finally move forward.]\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

The love and infatuation connection<\/span><\/h2>\n

Our brain releases quite the cocktail of chemicals when we are attracted to someone.<\/strong> From the feel good neurotransmitter serotonin to the buzz of dopamine, we are on a ‘love high’. And brain scans of students in love<\/a> showed that areas of the brain related to motivation and reward had higher activity than usual.<\/p>\n

\"love

By: tacit requiem (joanneQEscober )<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

This means that healthy love\u00a0 can begin with a feeling of infatuation<\/strong> that then develops into something more.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Love vs infatuated<\/h2>\n

So when it comes to love and infatuation, how do we know which one we are dealing with?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Love builds a connection<\/a> steadily over time.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0Infatuation is instant.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Love grows from shared experiences and exploration.<\/strong>\u00a0With infatuation you think you just instinctively know everything about someone. OR feel you understand them in ways others just can’t.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Love seeks to know the person well and accept their positives and flaws.<\/strong>\u00a0Infatuation tells us the other person is are very special, perfect, different to anyone else, an \u2018angel\u2019.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Love means we can be ourselves around someone.<\/strong>\u00a0If it\u2019s infatuation, we are trying to be what we think the other person would be attracted to.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Love means we are still essentially ourselves and can function well in life.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>But if it is infatuation, it\u2019s like we are drugged and distracted from daily life. We let things that were once important to us take a back seat.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

If it’s love that is growing between you, you navigate conflict and grow from it.<\/strong>\u00a0If it’s only infatuation, conflict throws you overboard, into huge drama and pain.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Love has a stabilising affect. You feel grounded.\u00a0<\/strong>Infatuation might give you buzzy highs, but also crashing lows. You start to feel drained all the time, and catch all the colds going around.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Is infatuation \u2018bad\u2019? <\/span><\/h2>\n
\"infatuation<\/a>

By: Gareth Williams<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

If you are a teenager or pre-teen, infatuation is pretty normal<\/strong>. When we are young and still gaining our confidence, infatuation helps us learn who we are attracted to. Our brains are actually still growing, our hormones fluctuating. Infatuation is our body waking up to being attracted to others.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

By our twenties, if we are on a normal self development curve? <\/strong>\u00a0We learn that infatuation is only a starting point, but<\/span>\u00a0learn to take other things into account, too. We consider shared interests and values<\/a>, and how the person treats us<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Can’t get past the infatuation stage?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

Far beyond the teen years and still caught up in endless infatuations?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

For some people it\u2019s simply a case of<\/strong> low self-confidence<\/a> or shyness<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

If we are feel socially anxious<\/a> at parties and even at work, then we might never interact with our love interest enough to learn if our infatuation is realistic or not. And holding onto our infatuation can be a way to hide from the deep loneliness<\/a> we feel. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If we seek support to overcome our<\/strong> shyness and build our self-esteem<\/a>, we might even find we are good at healthy relationships. We just needed to give one a try. <\/span><\/p>\n

Love and infatuation and traumatic childhood experiences <\/span><\/h2>\n
\n

But some of us get stuck in endless infatuations for reasons that don\u2019t clear up even if we have one relationship after another. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If we had a difficult childhood<\/a> that involved<\/strong> neglect, abuse<\/a>, and\/or trauma<\/a>, then we develop a fear of intimacy<\/a> and rejection<\/a>, as well as issues with abandonment<\/a>. These can lead us to be needy, or aloof, or obsessive in relationships<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And intense infatuations become the playing grounds for all these behaviours to play out,<\/strong> all the while avoiding the real connection we are secretly terrified of. We substitute love for a diet of relationship drama<\/a> and codependency<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If I am addicted to infatuations, what do I do?<\/span><\/h2>\n

A life of endless infatuations and no<\/strong> real connection<\/a> is at best exhausting, and at worst dangerous for your mental wellbeing<\/a>. With time the loneliness builds<\/a>, along with anxiety<\/a>, depression<\/a>, and even suicidal thinking<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you are struggling with<\/strong> healthy intimacy<\/a>, then consider seeking support. Read our article on the types of therapy designed just to help you with relating issues<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Ready to change the way you relate and attract real love? Harley Therapy connects you with London’s top counsellors and psychotherapists<\/a>. Not in London, or even the UK? Book therapy UK-wide<\/a> or try international online therapy<\/a> by visiting our booking site<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy<\/strong> is a lifestyle and wellbeing writer as well as a coach who often writes about relationships. Find her on instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Andrea M. Darcy Sure you are \u2018head over heels\u2019 in love, but your friends keep saying it\u2019s just infatuation? What is the difference between love and infatuation, anyway? And why does it matter? What is love? In psychology, ‘love’ could be seen as a healthy relationship between two people where you see and accept […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":101039,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[332,393,390,90],"class_list":["post-101037","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-codependency","tag-love","tag-love-addiction","tag-relationship-issues","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nIs it Love or Infatuation? 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In psychology, ‘love’ could be seen as a healthy relationship between two people where you see and accept…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101037","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=101037"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101037\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":139117,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101037\/revisions\/139117"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/101039"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101037"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=101037"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=101037"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}