{"id":101172,"date":"2019-02-05T11:00:56","date_gmt":"2019-02-05T11:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=101172"},"modified":"2023-03-02T17:57:37","modified_gmt":"2023-03-02T17:57:37","slug":"relationship-doubts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/relationship-doubts.htm","title":{"rendered":"Relationship Doubts – Real, or In Your Head?"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n\r\n\r\n

Doubts in relationships can come from the relationship itself<\/strong>, signifying real red flags you need to pay attention to.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"relationship

By: Betsssssy<\/a><\/p><\/div>\r\n

Or they are coming from you. Your own issues are creating problems <\/strong>for you.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

So which one is it? Are your relationship doubts real, or are you creating them?<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Look\u00a0at\u00a0the\u00a0following\u00a012\u00a0questions\u00a0to\u00a0find\u00a0your\u00a0answer.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

[Are your relationship doubts making you feel crazy? Need to talk to someone? Book an online counsellor <\/a><\/span>today, be talking as soon as tomorrow.]<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Is it actually the relationship?<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Here are the questions you need to ask to know if your doubts are well-founded.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

1.Is the relationship in any way, shape or form abusive?<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cHe just hit me once\u201d, \u201cyes, she\u2019s really mean to me but she doesn\u2019t mean it, she just can\u2019t help herself\u201d, \u201che controls my income but it\u2019s fine, he\u2019s better at money than me\u201d\u2026..<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Whether it is physical abuse<\/strong>, emotional or verbal abuse<\/a>, sexual abuse<\/a>, psychological abuse, or the newly recognised economic abuse?<\/a> Abuse is abuse.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Those doubts will be your inner self trying to help you escape a bad situation. And in this case, it’s time to listen.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

2. Did you rush into the relationship<\/a>?\u00a0<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

We live in a world where we are inundated with false, even dangerous ideas of \u2018love<\/strong>\u2019. Why? Because these ideas are addictive and exciting and sell products and books.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

But these ‘love imposters<\/a>‘ can mean you spend all your time looking for perfection<\/a>. Or you are addicted to a buzzy ‘love’ high<\/a> that leads you further and further away from a healthy, functioning relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u00a0If you are convinced it was \u2018love at first sight\u2019 and slept together the first night, or\u00a0<\/strong>moved in together after a few weeks, and suddenly have doubts? With good reason. You probably don\u2019t know the person you are dating. The chemical buzz of lust is wearing off and you are facing a near stranger.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

3. Do you share values?\u00a0<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"\"Spend time understanding personal values<\/a> and identifying yours. Then learn those of your partner.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The one thing that builds a solid relationship that lasts is shared values, not shared hobbies, taste in music, or lifestyle choices. If you don\u2019t share values then your doubts are valid.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

4. Is the relationship authentic?\u00a0<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Can you fully be yourself around the other person? Do you fully accept their real self?<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If you feel you have to be what he or she \u2018wants\u2019 for the relationship to survive, or or constantly wish they\u2019d change<\/strong>, then your doubts might be a red flag your relationship is false. An authentic relationship<\/a> can’t be built on play acting.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

5. Are you still communicating?<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Been in the relationship for a long time, even have children, but suddenly have doubts?<\/strong> Paranoid he or she is not happy, or worse, cheating?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

These sorts of doubts signify a breach in<\/strong> communication<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The more we have these doubts, the less we communicate, when communication is the thing that can heal. <\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If you feel totally unable to communicate, consider<\/strong> either personal coaching<\/a> or couples therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

6. Are you growing in the same way?<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If your doubts coincide with a<\/strong> life change<\/a> you\u2019ve made, then the doubts could be valid.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

For a relationship to survive we need to be living out the same book, so to speak, if not be on the same page. <\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If you have decided to<\/strong> quit your job<\/a> and donate your time to volunteering<\/a>, and your partner, who met you when you shared the same dream of a wealthy lifestyle <\/a>has not reached that same change of heart? Then it might be time to talk.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Are the doubts coming from you and your own issues?<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The above questions don’t quite apply? Then maybe it’s you yourself the doubt is starting from. Here’s how to tell. <\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"relationship<\/figure>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

1.Do you doubt yourself?<\/em><\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Do you struggle to make decisions<\/a>? Say one thing, then quickly correct and contradict yourself? If your life experiences have led you to doubt yourself, then it\u2019s highly likely you will project that doubt<\/a> onto those around you.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

2. Do you actually trust anyone at all?<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Be honest here. Think about your friendships<\/a> and your relationships with colleagues<\/a>. Do you question all their decisions, worry about what you told them in case they tell others, feel they are fake? Are you constantly moaning that “you just can\u2019t trust anyone<\/a> these days\u201d?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Trust issues are from within, even if it\u2019s easy to project them outwards.<\/strong> Yes, your lack of trust can inadvertently attract people you really can\u2019t trust, but your own experiences have created this perspective<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

3. Do you secretly think that the world is\u00a0a dangerous place where bad things happen?\u00a0<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

This is what is known as a negative \u2018core belief\u2019<\/a>. Core beliefs <\/a>are the assumptions<\/a> we made as children we then mistake as fact. These beliefs then hang out in our unconscious mind<\/a> and drive every decision we make.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Even when we don\u2019t realise they are our beliefs at all, we make decisions to \u2018prove\u2019 our hidden beliefs right. <\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If you took the message on board as a child that the world is dangerous place<\/a>? You\u2019ll see danger everywhere, including in those around you. And, yes, you might even choose partners who are a little dangerous.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

4. Do you feel fear in relationships?<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

You might have fear of intimacy, which leaves you plagued with endless relationship doubts. They serve as excuses for you to push the other person away, a slave to your fear.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

5. Did you experience neglect or childhood trauma?\u00a0<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Why would any of the above apply to you? Why would you be walking around doubting yourself, unable to trust, and thinking the world is a dangerous place? <\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

We aren\u2019t born paranoid and scared. We learn these things from<\/strong> childhoods where we didn\u2019t feel safe<\/a>. It means we weren\u2019t give an opportunity to develop proper attachement<\/a>, and feel safe and loved just as we are.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

. Do you have a personality disorder?\u00a0<\/h4>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Sometimes we are paranoid of others because we see the world in a different way than to others, and have done since we were a teenager. <\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

This is called having a personality disorder<\/a>. It\u2019s a lot rarer than the internet would have you believe. But the ones that can leave you always full of doubt include borderline personality disorder<\/a> and paranoid personality disorder<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Is it time to face your inner doubts, or fix your relationship? Harley Therapy connects you with London’s top psychotherapists<\/em><\/a> <\/span>and couples counsellor<\/em><\/a><\/span>. Not in London or the UK? Our booking site<\/em><\/a> is UK-wide, or try an online therapist<\/em><\/a><\/span> from anywhere in the world. <\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Still have a question about relationship doubts? Ask in the public comment space below.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\r\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy is a writer, author, and coach who often writes about relationships. Find her @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Doubts in relationships can come from the relationship itself, signifying real red flags you need to pay attention to. Or they are coming from you. Your own issues are creating problems for you.\u00a0 So which one is it? Are your relationship doubts real, or are you creating them? Look\u00a0at\u00a0the\u00a0following\u00a012\u00a0questions\u00a0to\u00a0find\u00a0your\u00a0answer. [Are your relationship doubts making you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":101180,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[313,90,379],"class_list":["post-101172","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-relationship-conflict","tag-relationship-issues","tag-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nRelationship Doubts - Real, or In Your Head? - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are relationship doubts tormenting you lately? Not sure if it's you or them? Or to stay or leave? 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Doubts in relationships can come from the relationship itself, signifying real red flags you need to pay attention to. Or they are coming from you. Your own issues are creating problems for you.\u00a0 So which one is it? Are your relationship doubts real, or are you creating them? Look\u00a0at\u00a0the\u00a0following\u00a012\u00a0questions\u00a0to\u00a0find\u00a0your\u00a0answer. [Are your relationship doubts making you…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101172","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=101172"}],"version-history":[{"count":41,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101172\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":139299,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101172\/revisions\/139299"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/101180"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101172"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=101172"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=101172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}