{"id":101345,"date":"2019-02-19T11:00:19","date_gmt":"2019-02-19T11:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=101345"},"modified":"2023-03-14T04:58:41","modified_gmt":"2023-03-14T04:58:41","slug":"signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.htm","title":{"rendered":"Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship &#8211; Time to Get Honest?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_126127\" style=\"width: 389px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-126127\" class=\"wp-image-126127\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/kelly-sikkema-4le7k9XVYjE-unsplash-400x252.jpg\" alt=\"signs of an unhealthy relationship\" width=\"379\" height=\"239\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-126127\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by Kelly Sikemma for Unsplash<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p>So you have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/relationship-doubts.htm\">relationship doubts<\/a>. But you tell yourself not to make a big deal out of nothing. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/should-i-end-my-relationship.htm\">Your relationship is okay<\/a>. Or is it? Here are the signs of an unhealthy relationship, from typical to less discussed.<\/p>\n<h2>Typical Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship<\/h2>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/love-or-infatuation.htm\">Infatuation<\/a> hijacks our logical brain, so it&#8217;s always good to <\/strong>remind ourselves of the basics when it comes to unhealthy relationships. Common signs you are infatuation&#8217;s throes or are suffering &#8216;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/love-vs-limerence.htm\">limerence<\/a>&#8216; are when you:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>have given up your usual interests and hobbies<\/li>\n<li>spend all your time thinking about the other person and check your phone obsessively<\/li>\n<li>are not spending time with your close <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-find-friends.htm\">friends<\/a> (or are even avoiding them)<\/li>\n<li>hide things about the relationship from your friends and\/or family<\/li>\n<li>allow your social life\/ <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wrong-career-path.htm\">career<\/a>\/or health to suffer because of the relationship.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Relationships that lead us to lose ourselves and <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm\">change our identity<\/a> are often <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/codependency-symptoms-modern-times.htm\">codependent.<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>If the relationship is taking over your mind and you are losing <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-emotional-dsyregulation.htm\">control over\u00a0your emotions<\/a>\u00a0and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-impulsivity.htm\">reactions<\/a>,\u00a0then you might have\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/addicted-to-love.htm\">love addiction<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>If you are struggling with strong feelings of <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/shame-definition.htm\">shame<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/effects-of-anxiety.htm\">anxiety<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-of-fear.htm\">fear<\/a>? There is a good chance you are in\u00a0a controlling and abusive relationship. It doesn&#8217;t have to be physical or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/were-you-sexually-abused-as-a-child.htm\">sexual abuse<\/a>. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/honesty-criticism-or-verbal-abuse.htm\">Verbal abuse<\/a> is serious, as is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-economic-abuse.htm\">economic abuse<\/a>. If any of them sound like you<a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\">, find support<\/a> or call a<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/mental-health-helpline.htm\"> free help line<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>9 More Surprising Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship<\/h2>\n<div id=\"attachment_126128\" style=\"width: 377px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-126128\" class=\" wp-image-126128\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jd-mason-4eRATsC7zTY-unsplash-400x300.jpg\" alt=\"signs of an unhealthy relationship\" width=\"367\" height=\"275\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jd-mason-4eRATsC7zTY-unsplash-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jd-mason-4eRATsC7zTY-unsplash-500x374.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jd-mason-4eRATsC7zTY-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 367px) 100vw, 367px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-126128\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by JD Mason for Unsplash<\/p><\/div>\n<p><em>Not all signs of an unhealthy relationship are as obvious as the above. Here are a few that might surprise you.<\/em><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">1. You feel like a different person around your partner.<\/span><\/h3>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #666699;\">Have you felt right from the start that you are someone totally different around them? And you feel increasingly irritated when you have to go back to being the \u2018other you\u2019?<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Yes, it\u2019s great to find someone who helps us be our best self. But <\/strong>if it\u2019s a<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/healthy-relationships-help-guide.htm\"> healthy relationship<\/a>, you\u2019ll feel your best self over time, through shared experience and challenges.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Having a sudden different persona around a partner can be<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/codependency-symptoms-modern-times.htm\">codependency<\/a>, but it might also be that the other person is in fact<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/manipulative-behaviour-are-you-guilty.htm\"> manipulating you<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Making you feel \u2018special\u2019 is a way to lure you away from your old self so he or she can<\/strong>\u00a0take control over you.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">2. You are on a cycle of highs and lows.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>This is one of the more common signs of an unhealthy relationship. Do you feel rushes of energy when they call or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/addicted-to-texting.htm\">text<\/a>, or when you meet them? When you\u00a0 part do you feel desolate, a bit<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/daily-distractions-be-concerned.htm\"> bored<\/a>, even like your skin is itchy? Have you ever gone home from being with them and felt suddenly sick and crawled into bed for a \u2018nap\u2019? These are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/addictive-relationships.htm\">signs you are in an addictive relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">3. You are having sex you don&#8217;t quite want to have.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Yes, long <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/weddings-and-depression-pnd.htm\">marriages<\/a> or partnerships can see us occasionally <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/sex-life-dead.htm\">having sex to please our partner<\/a> even if we are tired.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">But if your partner is pushing you to do sexual acts you are not comfortable with, if you are in any way being hurt without permission during sex? Or if you are not being asked for your approval or opinion around sex, but feel that you are obligated to do as he\/she wants? This is not healthy and might even be abusive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">4. You are under or overeating since the relationship started.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/truth-about-overeating-case-study.htm\">Overeating<\/a> is often a sign we are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/emotionally-repressed-signs.htm\">stuffing down our emotions<\/a> instead of facing them head on. What might you be trying not to think about or feel? <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-use-a-self-help-journal.htm\">Journalling<\/a> can help.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Practice emotional eating when single, but when &#8216;in love&#8217; tend to <\/strong>lose interest in food? <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-love-addiction.htm\">Love addiction<\/a> means that when we get our high off another person we drop our other \u2018drugs\u2019.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">5. Your are a very, very helpful person these days.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_126130\" style=\"width: 330px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-126130\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-126130\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ha-nguy-n-2LR-K_esuW0-unsplash-1-320x400.jpg\" alt=\"unhealthy relating\" width=\"320\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ha-nguy-n-2LR-K_esuW0-unsplash-1-320x400.jpg 320w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ha-nguy-n-2LR-K_esuW0-unsplash-1-480x600.jpg 480w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ha-nguy-n-2LR-K_esuW0-unsplash-1-768x960.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ha-nguy-n-2LR-K_esuW0-unsplash-1-1229x1536.jpg 1229w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ha-nguy-n-2LR-K_esuW0-unsplash-1-1638x2048.jpg 1638w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ha-nguy-n-2LR-K_esuW0-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 320px) 100vw, 320px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-126130\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by ha Nguy for Unsplash<\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>Yes, helping a loved one is normal. But try this.\u00a0<\/strong>Set a timer to go off once an hour. And when it goes off, be honest. What you were thinking about? Is it your partner and his\/her problems and how you can &#8216;fix&#8217; them?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">Constantly troubleshooting your partner&#8217;s problems to the point you no longer even think about yourself is a sign of major <span style=\"color: #666699;\"><a style=\"color: #666699;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/great-codependency-hoax-codependent.htm\">codependency<\/a><\/span> or <\/span><span style=\"color: #666699;\"><a style=\"color: #666699;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/addicted-to-love.htm\">people addiction<\/a><\/span><span style=\"color: #333399;\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">6. Your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/building-confidence.htm\">confidence<\/a> is not what is was.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>You didn\u2019t apply for the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wrong-career-path.htm\">job promotion<\/a> because you just don&#8217;t want it anymore. And that joke you made about how <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-social-anxiety-disorder.htm\">you talk too much<\/a>, or the one about how you really need to change your outdated wardrobe? They were just casual observations.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Or were they? Would you have made such remarks before the relationship?<\/strong> And let that job slip?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Is there any way your partners \u2018teasing\u2019 or <span style=\"color: #666699;\">\u2018<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/constant-criticism.htm\"><span style=\"color: #666699;\">constructive criticism<\/span><\/a>\u2019 is actually <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/honesty-criticism-or-verbal-abuse.htm\">verbal abuse<\/a> in disguise? And the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/building-confidence.htm\"><span style=\"color: #666699;\"> effects on your confidence<\/span><\/a> are starting to show?<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">7. You are suffering from anxiety lately.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-does-therapy-help-anxiety.htm\">Anxiety<\/a>\u00a0is not always a sign that the relationship itself is unhealthy. It might be that you have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-anxious-attachment-style.htm\">anxious attachment disorder<\/a>, where your childhood has led to any adult relationship causing you stress.<\/p>\n<p>But if you read about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/attachment-theory-bowlby.htm\">anxious attachment<\/a> and it doesn\u2019t sound like you, consider if your anxiety might be a sign that you are not comfortable in the relationship.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">8. Your sleep has gone out the window since the relationship started.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Yes, infatuation can lead to some<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/sleep-problems-mental-health-issue.htm\"> sleepless nights<\/a>. But if your sleep patterns continue to suffer, or even get worse? Take notice.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Some of us are very good at pretending life is great in the daytime. Our worries and<span style=\"color: #666699;\"><a style=\"color: #666699;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/anxiety-at-night.htm\"> anxieties surface at night<\/a><\/span>, or wake us up from anxious dreams.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">9. You keep getting colds, flu, or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/medically-unexplained-symptoms-counselling.htm\">unexplained medical symptoms<\/a>.<\/span><\/h3>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">We can be experts at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/denial-in-psychology.htm\">denial<\/a>. But the one thing that tends to not comply is our very bodies.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Research can no longer deny the connection between mental and physical health. For example, a\u00a0<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3844013\/\"> study on intimate partner violence <\/a>\u00a0points out the connection to \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/chronic-fatigue-syndrome-and-depression.htm\">chronic pain syndromes<\/a>, headaches, gastrointestinal problems\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>If you find that you are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/causes-of-exhaustion.htm\">constantly exhausted<\/a> and sick lately, seeming to catch every cold and flu around? It might be time to look at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/emotionally-abusive-relationships.htm\">signs of emotional abuse<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/honesty-criticism-or-verbal-abuse.htm\">verbal abuse<\/a>, or control in your relationship.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #800080;\"><strong>Recognise these signs of an unhealthy relationship in yourself, and need help? We connect you with <span style=\"color: #666699;\"><a style=\"color: #666699;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/therapists.htm\">top London counsellors and psychotherapists<\/a><\/span>. Not in London? Use <span style=\"color: #666699;\"><a style=\"color: #666699;\" href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\">our booking site<\/a><\/span> to find UK-wide registered therapists or <span style=\"color: #666699;\"><a style=\"color: #666699;\" href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/therapists?location_type=skype&amp;utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\">book an online therapist<\/a> <\/span>who can help you wherever you are in the world.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em><strong>Still have a question about signs of an unhealthy relationship? Ask in the public comment box below.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><strong>Andrea M. Darcy<\/strong> is a well-known mental health writer. With trainin<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-397x400.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy\" width=\"105\" height=\"106\" \/>g in both coaching and person-centred counselling, she particularly likes writing about relationships and trauma. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy So you have relationship doubts. But you tell yourself not to make a big deal out of nothing. Your relationship is okay. Or is it? Here are the signs of an unhealthy relationship, from typical to less discussed. Typical Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship Infatuation hijacks our logical brain, so it&#8217;s [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":126127,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[394,332,90,379],"class_list":["post-101345","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-abuse","tag-codependency","tag-relationship-issues","tag-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.3 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship - Time to Get Honest? - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Signs of an unhealthy relationship are not always obvious. 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":1,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy So you have relationship doubts. But you tell yourself not to make a big deal out of nothing. Your relationship is okay. Or is it? Here are the signs of an unhealthy relationship, from typical to less discussed. Typical Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship Infatuation hijacks our logical brain, so it&#8217;s&hellip;","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101345","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=101345"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101345\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138252,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101345\/revisions\/138252"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/126127"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101345"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=101345"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=101345"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}