{"id":101415,"date":"2019-02-26T11:00:33","date_gmt":"2019-02-26T11:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=101415"},"modified":"2023-03-08T11:24:09","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T11:24:09","slug":"life-changing-events","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/life-changing-events.htm","title":{"rendered":"Life Changing Events – 9 Ways to Navigate Them Better"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"life

photo by vladislav-babienko<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

You walk out on your unsupportive partner<\/a> at long last. You lose your job<\/a> that you\u2019ve had for most of your adult life. Your children fly the nest<\/a>. You leave the country<\/a> you\u2019ve always known for a new one\u2026. life changing events look different for different people. <\/span><\/p>\n

Regardless of what life change looks like for you, it can leave you unbalanced, and uncertain of what to do next. <\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

But it felt so good at first\u2026. <\/span><\/h2>\n

Feeling guilty<\/a> because your life change was something you chose? <\/i>Because you felt excited, even bragged to<\/span>\u00a0others about how great it would be?<\/p>\n

\n

Stop beating yourself up<\/a>. It\u2019s normal to feel excited about a new plan and then deflate when the reality of what you\u2019ve taken on sets in. Take that energy and use it instead to take the following steps towards self care<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

[At wit’s end after a life changing event and just need to talk to someone who understands? Book an online therapist<\/a> now, be talking as soon as tomorrow.]<\/span><\/p>\n

How to navigate life changing events<\/h2>\n

So how to navigate big change better, then?<\/p>\n

1. Quit worrying what people think.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

There is an expression, \u2018nobody kicks a dead dog\u2019. If people are speaking against you, it\u2019s often as they are jealous<\/a>, or even scared. You are daring to do something they aren’t, or challenging their world view. It\u2019s going to trigger some people. Let them be nervous. <\/span><\/p>\n

There is only one person whose opinion you can control here – your own.<\/strong> What can you do to strengthen your own good opinion of yourself? Make a list on paper. Wasting time reacting to others surely won\u2019t be on it. <\/span><\/p>\n

2. Focus on the support you DO Have. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"life

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash<\/p><\/div>\n

Life change can be like a giant, unplanned life declutter. <\/strong>You realise who your real friends<\/a> are and find you have to let go of friendships<\/a> you thought were forever.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, it can be shocking and hurtful to find that people you counted on judge you for a life change out of your control.<\/strong> But be open to seeing the people who do<\/em> want to help you, as this too can be surprising. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you really have no support at all – if even your friends and family don\u2019t approve of your new life \u2014 then don\u2019t overlook the help of a<\/strong> counsellor<\/a>. They will create a safe, non judgmental space for you to share your worries and can help you find ways to cope.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Adjust your habits to fit your new life. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\n

We can\u2019t expect old ways of being to work for new ways of living, and yet that is what many of us do. We try to force fit our old ways to our new life.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Drinking<\/a> every night, for example,\u00a0<\/span>might have been fine when you had a steady job. But now you are unemployed<\/a> and changing career stream<\/a>, a few nights at the gym instead can give you the energy and social life you need. <\/span><\/p>\n

Exercise<\/a> is what is known as a \u2018wellbeing activity\u2019<\/a> – something that leaves us feeling positive and balanced. And the more you can veer towards wellbeing<\/a> activities in times of flux, the better.<\/strong> Sign up to our blog now<\/a> for your free wellbeing workbook and find what activities work best for you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Open your social circle. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"life

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash<\/p><\/div>\n

We move country<\/a> and talk to people back home over Zoom or Teams all night over getting out and meeting new people. Or we quit our job<\/a> to become an entrepreneur<\/a>, but spend all our time around our old colleagues<\/a> who hate their lives. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Life change means YOU are changing. And that can mean it\u2019s time to meet people who share your new goals<\/a> and values<\/a> and who inspire you. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Yes, it can feel intimidating to put yourself out there. But there is nothing more energising than meeting someone who<\/strong> actually gets what you are going through.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t mean you have to cut people out of you life, but it can mean you need to<\/strong> have some honest conversations with people close to you, or set some boundaries<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

5. Stop pretending you are ‘fine’.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Feel listless and exhausted all the time<\/a>? Here\u2019s a big truth about life change – it is emotional. It can even entail going through the<\/strong> stages of grief<\/a> for the life you have left behind. This means shock<\/a>, anger<\/a>, sadness<\/a>, tiredness, you name it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet many of us try to get through life changing events by seeming \u2018strong\u2019.<\/strong> We tell ourselves there is \u2018no time for tears<\/a>\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

But think of a beach ball. Have you ever tried to keep one under water for an extended period of time? That is what holding down emotions is like – it takes all our energy and focus. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Sometimes an emotional purge is what is needed to get our spark back.<\/strong> Journalling can be a great help here – read our article on powerful and different ways to make journalling work for you<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

6. Drop the comparison. <\/span><\/h3>\n

\u201cBut he\/she moved countries and had an amazing experience, what is wrong with me?\u201d \u201cBut when he finally walked out on his abusive wife<\/a> he felt great, why am I so depressed<\/a>?\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n

You are an individual. You are made up of thousands of experiences that are unique to you, and you are going to respond to<\/strong> life and life stress<\/a> in your own way. Comparing yourself to others<\/a> just adds to the stress<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

7. Choose a bigger \u2018time container\u2019. <\/span><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s been a year since you lost a sibling<\/a> – why are you still grieving<\/a>? Or you have been an empty-nester for months now, why do you still miss the kids? <\/span><\/p>\n

Most of us drastically underestimate the time it takes to adjust to change, or assume that adjusting is a straight line. It isn\u2019t. It\u2019s a wiggly, up and down, around and around process.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Take the amount of time you think you need and at minimum double it. How much better does that feel? <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

8. Shift your perspective<\/a>.<\/span><\/h3>\n

What would your ten year-old self have to say about where you are now in life? Would they see the accomplishments and the strength you are currently overlooking? What about your 85-year old self, would they be as worried as you are, or would they think you will be just fine? \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

9. And if it all feels way, way too much\u2026.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Reach out. Talk to someone.<\/strong> Again, if you feel you have nobody to talk to, or everyone around you is just too invested in what you do? Then consider a talk therapist. They have no agenda other than to help you feel back in balance, and they can help you find clarity when life change has you confused.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ready to face life change head on? We connect you with top London\u00a0counselling psychologists<\/span><\/a>\u00a0who can help. Not in London our the UK? Our booking platform offers <\/span>UK-wide registered therapists<\/a> and also <\/span>online therapists<\/a> you can talk to from anywhere.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/b> is a health and wellbeing expert, trained in person-centred counselling and coaching. She often writes about trauma, relationships, and ADHD, and advises people on how to plan their therapy journey. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Andrea M. Darcy You walk out on your unsupportive partner at long last. You lose your job that you\u2019ve had for most of your adult life. Your children fly the nest. You leave the country you\u2019ve always known for a new one\u2026. life changing events look different for different people. Regardless of what life […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":101420,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-101415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety-and-stress","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nLife Changing Events - 9 Ways to Navigate Them Better - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Life changing events happen to all of us. 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy You walk out on your unsupportive partner at long last. You lose your job that you\u2019ve had for most of your adult life. Your children fly the nest. You leave the country you\u2019ve always known for a new one\u2026. life changing events look different for different people. Regardless of what life…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101415","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=101415"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101415\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138877,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101415\/revisions\/138877"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/101420"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101415"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=101415"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=101415"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}