{"id":108653,"date":"2019-06-04T11:00:19","date_gmt":"2019-06-04T10:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=108653"},"modified":"2023-03-06T10:14:37","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T10:14:37","slug":"low-self-worth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-worth.htm","title":{"rendered":"The Real Reason Your Self Worth is Low – and How to Fix It"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Photo by Nic Huerta.<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Deep down, believe you just aren\u2019t as good as other people<\/a>? Tried positive thinking<\/a> and pushing yourself to try new things, but still have low self worth?<\/span><\/p>\n

The mistake we make when it comes to inner worth<\/span><\/h2>\n

The biggest mistake we make about self worth is we think it is just a thought. <\/i><\/strong>That if we just change our thoughts<\/a> that we are not worthy, we\u2019ll be better. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Negative thoughts<\/a> are actually a symptom of low self worth, not a cause. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

When we are sure we can \u2018think\u2019 ourselves into<\/strong> having esteem, we are mistaking self worth for low self confidence. <\/span><\/p>\n

Low self-confidence vs low self-worth<\/h2>\n

Low confidence comes from present day challenges,<\/strong> like a job we don\u2019t have the full skillset for, or something we have actually messed up in the past and are worried we will mess up again, like a presentation. <\/span><\/p>\n

Our low confidence is rational. And we can then<\/strong> find rational ways to navigate it – get help on the speech from a colleague, or find a mentor. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Low self-worth is not rational. We can have the best job going, good health, tons of money, and still feel worthless. We are convinced we can’t change, that we will keep making the same mistakes again and again<\/a>. <\/span>And low self-worth is not based on present day challenges, either.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So what is low self-worth then, really? <\/span><\/h2>\n
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By: brett jordan<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Low self-worth stems from unresolved past experiences and emotions. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Instead of a thought, it\u2019s a belief. <\/i><\/strong>Those past experiences led to negative beliefs about the world.<\/span><\/p>\n

And if there was one emotion that drives low self-worth, <\/strong>it is shame<\/a>. We feel ashamed of who we are and what we experienced.<\/span><\/p>\n

The real triggers for low self worth<\/span><\/h2>\n

The experiences that lead to having no self-esteem are: <\/span><\/p>\n

Childhood abuse. <\/span><\/h3>\n

One of the most common reasons for low self worth is experiencing physical or sexual abuse as a child<\/a>. In an attempt to understand what is happening, a child blames him or herself. <\/span><\/p>\n

Other childhood trauma.<\/span> <\/span><\/h3>\n

This can look like a parent or sibling dying<\/a>, a parent leaving suddenly, losing your home, being bullied<\/a>, or anything that deeply affected your sense of self<\/a> and sense of safety<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

ACE’s. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs, are a psychological term for very difficult things children live through that might not always qualify as \u2018trauma\u2019. This can include things like neglect, growing up in poverty, an alcoholic<\/a> or sick parent, one parent being violent to the other, a family member going to jail, and your parents divorcing<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Poor parenting.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Blaming all our misery on our parents is not the best tactic.<\/strong> Often parents did the best they can, but didn’t have the right information.<\/p>\n

But it is true that <\/strong>poor parenting<\/a>— frequent punishments and criticism<\/a>, harsh standards, not being shown enough affection — is connected to low self-esteem.<\/p>\n

The Joesph Rowntree Foundation, in a report on low self-esteem<\/a>, states that, “the strongest influences upon self-esteem are the individual\u2019s parents. Parenting style, physical and particularly sexual abuse play a significant role.” <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Poor attachment. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Attachment theory<\/a> believe that in order to grow up to be an adult who can have healthy, trusting relationships<\/a>, you need a caregiver in your early years who you can trust to always be there for you and accept you. Without this, we grow up not only with problems connecting to others<\/a>, but with low self-esteem<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Negative core beliefs.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Again, a lack of inner worth is driven by a set of beliefs that we are no good, all created by experiences like the above. Negative core beliefs sound like:<\/span><\/p>\n