{"id":112118,"date":"2019-06-20T11:00:01","date_gmt":"2019-06-20T10:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=112118"},"modified":"2023-03-10T14:53:07","modified_gmt":"2023-03-10T14:53:07","slug":"bad-parents-are-you-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/bad-parents-are-you-one.htm","title":{"rendered":"Bad Parents – Worried You are One?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By: Dan Harrelson<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Occasionally lose your temper<\/a> with your kids for all the wrong reasons? It doesn’t make you bad parents.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

Nor does occasionally wondering <\/span>why you ever thought having kids was a good idea.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But bad parenting does happen, and it’s a serious issue that affects a child’s future health and ability to cope. If you deep down know your kids don’t respect you<\/a>, this article is for you.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

What are \u2018bad parents\u2019?<\/span><\/h2>\n

We don’t have to practise<\/strong> narcissistic parenting<\/a> or put our kids through something as extreme as Munchausen syndrome<\/a> to be falling under the bad parenting category.<\/p>\n

It can help to think of your relationship with your child like any other <\/span><\/strong>relationship,<\/span> instead of thinking it is different because you are \u2018the adult\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n

A good relationship is not the result of good intentions. So just ‘wanting the best’ <\/span><\/strong>for your child<\/span> does not make you a good parent.\u00a0<\/span>Like any relationship, we instead need clear boundaries<\/a>, realistic expectations<\/a>, and respect for the other person and their wellbeing<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Bad parents consistently put their child\u2019s wellbeing at risk. This doesn’t have to be the child’s physical wellbeing, it can be their mental and emotional wellbeing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Then what is a \u2018good parent\u2019? <\/span><\/h2>\n

Attachment theory<\/a> is a good guide here. It is a long established school of psychological thought that has shown for a child to grow up into a healthy, functioning adult?\u00a0 They don\u2019t need just food, clothes, and shelter. <\/span><\/p>\n

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A child\u2019s mental and emotional needs must be met, and for this they must have at least one caregiver who they can trust implicitly to consistently love, accept, and protect them no matter what. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It doesn\u2019t mean that you cannot disagree with or discipline your child, or make parenting mistakes. It means that his or her<\/strong>\u00a0behaviour, moods, words, and achievements never affect the fact that you are a safe space for him or her. <\/span><\/p>\n

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This explains why a child who grows up in utter poverty but with a parent who loves and accepts them unconditionally grows up into a higher functioning adult than that \u2018poor little rich kid\u2019 who had everything on the surface, but parents who manipulated him to be a \u2018good\u2019 boy, and rejected him if he annoyed them. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The many forms of bad parenting<\/span><\/h2>\n
\"bad

By: simosmme<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

There are very obvious forms of bad parenting we all know.<\/strong> Physical abuse or physical intimidation,\u00a0 sexual abuse<\/a>, neglect<\/a>, or allowing others to hurt your child are unacceptable forms of parenting. If this is you, seek support immediately. <\/span><\/p>\n

But what about the less obvious forms of bad parenting? <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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When we are using behaviours that make a child feel unsafe, unaccepted, and unloved? We have fallen into bad parenting. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This can look like: <\/span><\/p>\n

Verbal abuse. <\/span><\/h4>\n