{"id":113078,"date":"2019-06-25T11:00:45","date_gmt":"2019-06-25T10:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=113078"},"modified":"2023-03-08T15:02:54","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T15:02:54","slug":"go-with-the-flow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/go-with-the-flow.htm","title":{"rendered":"If You Just “Go With the Flow”, Will You be Happier?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"go<\/a>

By: KylaBorg<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

“Stop trying so hard and \u2018go with the flow\u2019”. It sounds good advice, doesn\u2019t it?<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

But does it work? Will simply accepting everything that comes your way really leave you happier<\/a>?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Accepting life change <\/span><\/h2>\n

Acceptance can be powerful– if it\u2019s about accepting things we truly have no power over. <\/span><\/p>\n

This often means accepting a<\/strong> life change<\/a> that is beyond our control. A loved one passes away<\/a>, we are fired from our job<\/a>, our lovely home is damaged in a flood<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Railing against what has happened, rethinking what we could have done instead, and being very angry<\/a> can be a normal part of the healing process\u00a0 of coming to terms with things we can\u2019t change<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

But eventually we do need to move on. If we don\u2019t, resentment<\/a> can build into<\/strong> depression and anxiety<\/a>, and we can alienate those we love until we are left lonely<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

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The only thing we can control in the face of life change is our reaction. And this alone might be enough. A 2018 study<\/a> found that accepting our mental state, our negative thoughts and emotions, was more connected to better psychological health six months down the line than actually accepting a situation itself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Accepting other people\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n
\"go<\/a>

By: Denali National Park and Preserve<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Your partner leaves<\/a> out of the blue. Or your new boss<\/a> is controlling and cold. <\/span>Should you just go with the flow and accept them and their actions?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

We can\u2019t control other people. So we do have to accept their freedom of choice to be who they want to be, and do what they want to do.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And trying to control someone or change someone<\/a> is not only exhausting, it usually means we sacrifice our own needs<\/a> and can even lose our sense of self.<\/a> A high price to pay.<\/p>\n

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But accepting others is one thing. Blindly accepting people\u2019s actions and attitudes <\/span>without making your boundaries clear <\/a>is quite another.<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If someone hurts us and we say nothing and pretend we ‘just accept people as they are’? We carry that <\/span><\/strong>rage <\/span><\/a>around with us, and project it<\/a> into future relationships. Our attempt to \u2018go with the flow\u2019 ends up backfiring in the long term.<\/span><\/p>\n

And if we don\u2019t set boundaries with disrespectful people, we will<\/strong> end up in a constant state of stress<\/a> that an affect our health. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGo with the flow\u201d – or denial? <\/span><\/h2>\n

Yes, \u2018going with the flow\u2019 can make us happier if it means<\/strong> we are open to new things that come after life change. And if we are not wasting all our time trying to change other people<\/a>, but are reserving our energy for working on ourselves instead. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"choose<\/a>

By: Bob Ryskamp<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

All too often, however, we claim we are \u2018going with the flow\u2019 and\u00a0 <\/span>can\u2019t change something when really we DO have options.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m stuck in a bad job<\/a>, there\u2019s nothing better out there\u201d. \u201cI just can\u2019t leave this relationship<\/a>, he\/she needs me, I have to stick it out\u201d. These are both not factual statements but assumptions<\/a>. And they are also victim mentality<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

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We are actually choosing the situation because it feels safer than pushing ourselves forward. And because it can be easier to put the blame<\/a> on fate, or bad luck, or even other people.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n