{"id":114609,"date":"2019-08-08T11:00:17","date_gmt":"2019-08-08T10:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=114609"},"modified":"2023-03-05T19:54:36","modified_gmt":"2023-03-05T19:54:36","slug":"how-to-tell-your-child-you-are-getting-a-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-tell-your-child-you-are-getting-a-divorce.htm","title":{"rendered":"How to Tell Your Child You are Getting a Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By: Thomas Leth-Olsen<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Liat Hughes Joshi <\/span><\/p>\n

Worried about how to tell your child you are getting a divorce<\/a>? When you yourself are already not feeling your best<\/a>, given the circumstances?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How to tell your child you are getting a divorce<\/h3>\n

\u00a0How can you set the best foundations for this new phase of family life<\/a>?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

1.Don\u2019t leave it too long.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Once a separation is definite, it\u2019s wise not to leave it too long to let your children<\/a> know. Otherwise they might overhear you talking to someone else. Or a well-meaning family member<\/a> or friend<\/a> could accidentally mention something, not realising your kids aren\u2019t yet aware of the situation. <\/span><\/p>\n

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It\u2019s news that needs to come from you first, so that you can manage the way it\u2019s communicated<\/a> and help them process it all. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

2. Choose a time when you\u2019ll be around to answer questions.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Children might have concerns occur to them immediately, or only awhile later. So pick a time that maximises the chances of you being there for them afterwards, and l<\/span>et them know you\u2019re happy to listen to their worries<\/a> and answer any questions<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

The start of a weekend might work well. But immediately before you have to dash off to school<\/a> or work,<\/a> or at their bedtime<\/a>? Not so much.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

3. Ideally, tell them with the other parent.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Unless you truly cannot stand being in the same room as each other, even for a short period? You and your ex-partner should ideally talk to your children<\/a> together about this. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a situation where you need to at least attempt to put your differences aside and be civil, in the interests of your children. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

4. Be (realistically) positive.<\/span><\/h4>\n
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It might be hard, but ideally, present this as the start of a new phase<\/a> of your family\u2019s life rather than a great tragedy. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Keep this realistic. If you really<\/strong> \u2018talk it up\u2019 when it is clear you all feel sad<\/a>, it will seem disingenuous or confusing to your children. Don\u2019t feel guilty<\/a> if you do get a little upset yourself. This IS a tough conversation<\/a> to have.\u00a0<\/em> \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

5. Don’t assume you’ll know how they feel.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

Children are unique individuals,<\/strong> and we can all react to stress<\/a> differently. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Listen<\/a> and observe your children carefully, and respond to their actual emotions, rather than assuming<\/a> they will feel a particular way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

6. Plan and agree your key messages. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h4>\n
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photo by Fred Mouniguet<\/p><\/div>\n

It isn\u2019t easy if you and your ex have different perspectives<\/a> on what\u2019s gone on, or what will happen going forward. But for the sake of your children, preserving a united front<\/a> will reassure them.<\/span><\/p>\n

Important points to communicate include that:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n