{"id":114654,"date":"2019-08-29T11:00:08","date_gmt":"2019-08-29T10:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=114654"},"modified":"2022-11-02T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-11-02T12:00:00","slug":"repairing-family-estrangement-time-for-an-olive-branch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/repairing-family-estrangement-time-for-an-olive-branch.htm","title":{"rendered":"Repairing Family Estrangement – Time for an Olive Branch?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"repairing<\/a>

By: Windell Oskay<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Considering repairing family estrangement, and not sure where to start?<\/p>\n

Repairing or accepting estrangement?<\/span><\/h2>\n

An increasingly common issue now estimated to affect 1 in 5 families in the UK<\/a>, family estrangement can cause depression<\/a> and loneliness<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Sometimes accepting estrangement is the only option, or the one that is right for you. <\/strong>And there is nothing wrong with that.<\/p>\n

Read our connected article<\/strong>, “Family Estrangement: Is it Always a Bad Thing?<\/a>” to understand more about how you’ve ended up in an estranged family, and what possible positives are.<\/p>\n

Repairing family estrangement from the inside out.<\/span><\/h2>\n

So where to start with repairing estrangement? With yourself.<\/p>\n

We cannot control how a family member responds to us, or what they think of us. The only thing we can control is<\/strong> our own thoughts, feelings, and reactions<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And sometimes healing our own hurt, and focusing on finding our own inner resolution around the estrangement? Can be more useful than talking to the other person and trying to find external resolution. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doing the inside job first means we will navigate any future contact with an estranged family member <\/strong>from a much stronger, calmer, and wiser place.<\/p>\n

Be sure it’s what YOU want.\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

New partner want you to heal the rift? Or sibling<\/a> pressing you to talk to parents? <\/span><\/p>\n

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Trying to heal estrangement before you are ready can backfire, leading to a bigger rift than the original. The time to repair a family estrangement is when you<\/em> feel ready, not when others want you to.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Be wary of also pushing yourself<\/em> to do what you don’t really want to. This can look like,<\/strong> “I’m pregnant, I better heal the rift before my child is born<\/a>,”, or “I have to heal the rift now because I’m getting married<\/a>, what will people think”. What matters is what you<\/em> think. And what you are ready for and capable of.<\/p>\n

It’s all about the timing.\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you want to heal the rift but are in a very stressful period of life<\/strong> — a new job,<\/a> moving house<\/a>, navigating your children leaving home<\/a> — think twice. You might even be unconsciously sabotaging<\/a> healing the estrangement by choosing to do it now, on a certain level knowing you’ll make a mess of it.<\/p>\n

Repairing estrangement can be a very emotional experience that can be very involved.<\/strong> Consider the following:<\/p>\n