{"id":114957,"date":"2019-09-17T11:00:55","date_gmt":"2019-09-17T10:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=114957"},"modified":"2023-03-09T18:54:02","modified_gmt":"2023-03-09T18:54:02","slug":"feeling-lost-in-life-this-can-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-lost-in-life-this-can-help.htm","title":{"rendered":"Feeling Lost in Life? This Can Help"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_114959\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2355681664_3e1483e5ee.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-114959\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-114959\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2355681664_3e1483e5ee-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"feeling lost in life\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2355681664_3e1483e5ee-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2355681664_3e1483e5ee.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2355681664_3e1483e5ee-180x120.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-114959\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/23024164@N06\/2355681664\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Damian Gadal<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Not sure what you want anymore? <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wrong-career-path.htm\">Don\u2019t like your career<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/achieving-goals.htm\">can&#8217;t set a goal<\/a>? Or just have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/powerlessness-when-world-events-overwhelm.htm\">feelings of powerlessness<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-hopeless.htm\">hopelessness<\/a> and feeling lost in life?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Why am I feeling lost in life?<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><i>&#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/finding-your-purpose-anxiety.htm\">My life has no meaning<\/a>.&#8221;<\/i><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><i>&#8220;I am useless, I\u2019ll never get anywhere or do anything important.&#8221;<\/i><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><i>&#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/who-are-you-really.htm\">I don\u2019t know who I am<\/a> or what I want. Maybe I don&#8217;t want anything.&#8221;\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">It could be a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/life-changing-events.htm\">big life chang<\/a>e you didn\u2019t expect and are struggling to recover from that has left you lost at sea, like a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/life-after-divorce.htm\">divorce<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/truth-about-grief-and-bereavement.htm\">bereavement<\/a>. In such cases it can be quite normal to have a period of ups and downs that sees you struggle to find meaning in life. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>If there was no definable change, it can also just be that you have never taken the time in your life to define yourself, and what truly matters to you.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #800080;\">Caught up with going along with what is expected, or unconsciously <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/great-codependency-hoax-codependent.htm\"><span style=\"color: #666699;\">hooked on pleasing others<\/span><\/a>, you might not have noticed at first that you weren\u2019t captain of the ship. Until suddenly you did, and you don\u2019t know if you like where the boat is heading. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">What can I do to start feeling less lost?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">So what sorts of things might you learn <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/first-therapy-session-what-happens.htm\">in therapy<\/a> if you are suffering from feelings of being lost and not knowing what you want?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">1. Drop the self judgement. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">If there is one thing that keeps us stuck in a feeling of hopelessness, powerlessness, and being lost? It\u2019s judging ourself for feeling any of these things in the first place. The more our inner soundtrack drags us down, the more our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-thoughts.htm\">self-esteem<\/a> plummets, the less we are able to see the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/good-questions-to-ask.htm\"> personal power<\/a> we do have to change things. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\"><strong>TRY THIS:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sit down and write a letter to a<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-feel-so-alone.htm\"> friend<\/a> who is feeling lost in life. What words of support and encouragement can you give them? Now change the name at the top to your own and read it aloud. What would life be like if you started treating yourself like <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-find-friends.htm\">a good friend<\/a>? Take a tip from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/compassion-focused-therapy.htm\">compassion-focused therapy<\/a> and look at ways you can accept yourself just the way you are. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">2. Define your personal values. <\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_114960\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/35920157116_f83ca0852c.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-114960\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-114960\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/35920157116_f83ca0852c-400x267.jpg\" alt=\"feeling lost in life\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/35920157116_f83ca0852c-400x267.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/35920157116_f83ca0852c-180x120.jpg 180w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/35920157116_f83ca0852c.jpg 499w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-114960\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/29233640@N07\/35920157116\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Robert Couse-Baker<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>If we come from a close-knit family, or have always<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/healthy-relationships-help-guide.htm\"> been in a relationship<\/a> from the moment we left home, <\/strong>for example? We might never have had the headspace to notice the things we deeply and intrinsically value.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333333;\"> Instead, we have been living out the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/personal-values-know-yours.htm\">personal values<\/a> of those around us,<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 unknowingly<\/span> going against ourselves. Eventually, we feel exhausted and lost. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>This is what happens when someone suddenly<\/strong> quits their job and runs away to another country to volunteer &#8211; they left recognising what matters to them so long that it made them <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-impulsivity.htm\">impulsive<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/existential-therapy-right-fit.htm\"><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Existential therapy<\/span><\/a> believes that knowing what we value is so important it is the difference between waking up glad to be alive or not. This type of therapy focuses on helping you to determine what life means to you personally, then find ways to live that out.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\"><strong>TRY THIS:<\/strong> sit down and start writing down any value that pops into your head &#8211; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/money-problems.htm\">wealth<\/a>, peace, freedom,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/friendship-and-love.htm\"> friendship<\/a> (or find lists online). <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">Intuitively and quickly circle ones that matter to you. <\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">Narrow your list down to ten, then see if you can pick three of those values that<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"> feel<\/span> good over \u2018sound good\u2019 to your mind. <\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">How have you been integrating those values into your life, if at all? <\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">What would your life look like if you did start living from those values? <\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">What three steps, no matter how small, could you take this week to claim those values as your own? <\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">2. Identify and work to change limiting beliefs. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Limiting beliefs, or<\/strong> \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-change-your-core-beliefs.htm\">core beliefs\u2019<\/a>, are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/making-assumptions.htm\">assumptions<\/a> we make about ourselves, others and the world when we are children. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #800080;\">Of course as children we don\u2019t know so much about how the world actually works. Nevertheless, many of us carry these beliefs into adulthood, continuing to live from them without questioning them. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<div id=\"attachment_114961\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14637521501_0463dba839.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-114961\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-114961\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14637521501_0463dba839-400x267.jpg\" alt=\"feeling lost in life\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14637521501_0463dba839-400x267.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14637521501_0463dba839-180x120.jpg 180w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14637521501_0463dba839.jpg 499w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-114961\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/jackielck\/14637521501\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Jackie.lck<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>If we had <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-are-adverse-childhood-experiences-aces.htm\">difficult experiences<\/a> or a<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-can-i-remember-childhood-trauma-abuse.htm\">trauma<\/a> that gave us negative core beliefs \u2014 <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-worth.htm\">I am not worthy<\/a>,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-so-unloveable.htm\"> I am unloveable<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/something-bad-is-going-to-happen.htm\">the world is a dangerous place<\/a><\/em> ? We can live our adult lives <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-the-unconscious-mind.htm\">unconsciously<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-take-a-decision.htm\">making decisions<\/a> to \u2018prove\u2019 our beliefs right. We don&#8217;t realise we are perpetuating things, but feel a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/live-life-like-victim-12-ways-tell.htm\">powerless victim<\/a> as life once again leaves us feeling lost. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><em><strong>TRY THIS:<\/strong> Read our article on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/examples-of-core-beliefs.htm\">common core beliefs<\/a>. It can be tough to admit to ourselves what our beliefs are at first, so see if you get a physical reaction when reading any. If so, where might you have developed a belief like that? Did an adult teach you this way of thinking, or a life experience?<\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">If it was a difficult experience or childhood trauma, consider <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\"><span style=\"color: #800080;\">talking to a counsellor or psychotherapist<\/span> <\/a>who can help you safely process the experience.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">4. Learn to listen to your own thoughts and feelings. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Love to impress others, or keep others happy? The problem with<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/codependency-symptoms-modern-times.htm\">being a pleaser<\/a> is that so much of our attention goes outward we can lose sight of ourselves entirely. After years of feeding into the wants and needs of others, we can have an<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm\"> identity crisis<\/a> when we realise we don\u2019t know our own. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\"><strong>TRY THIS :<\/strong>Two great techniques therapists recommend here are therapeutic journalling (read our article on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-use-a-self-help-journal.htm\">how to change your life with journalin<\/a>g) and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/mindfulness-techniques.htm\">mindfulness<\/a> (try our<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/mindfulness-help-guide.htm\"> free how to guide to mindfulness<\/a>). <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">5. Identify patterns you are trapped in. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Ever have a sneaky feeling you are living out your own \u2018groundhog day\u2019? The same thing again and again with a <\/strong>few small tweaks? And you are exhausted and lost because of it?<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">You might be living out relating and behavioural patterns from childhood.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">These life \u2018themes\u2019 are called \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-a-schema-psychology.htm\"><span style=\"color: #800080;\">schemas<\/span><\/a>\u2019 in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-schema-therapy.htm\"><span style=\"color: #800080;\">schema therapy<\/span><\/a>, which focuses on helping you recognise and change such entrenched ways of being. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>A common one, for example, is the<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-abandonment.htm\">abandonment<\/a> schema. We are so sure we will be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/the-private-hell-of-rejection-why-does-it-keep-happening-to-you.htm\">rejected<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/abandonment-issues.htm\">abandoned<\/a> at some point we are on the look out for it, reacting at the smallest slight. The result is that we are indeed abandoned. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\"><strong>TRY THIS:<\/strong> Sit down and write out a short timeline of your last three relationships. Can you see a pattern? <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Seek support. <\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">Starting to see that you are feeling lost in life for bigger reasons than you\u2019ve wanted to admit to?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Sometimes the best thing we can do is admit we are feeling lost and reach out for help.\u00a0<\/strong>A <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychotherapeutic-approaches-the-main-schools-of-thought.htm\">talk therapist<\/a> creates a safe, non-judgmental space for you to explore the roots of the way you are feeling, and helps you see the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/find-your-inner-resources.htm\"> inner resources<\/a> you have to move forward.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #800080;\"><strong>Sick of feeling lost? Want to find purpose and move forward? We connect you with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/therapists.htm\"><span style=\"color: #666699;\">London&#8217;s top talk therapists<\/span><\/a> in central locations. Or <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\"><span style=\"color: #666699;\">book a UK-wide therapist now<\/span><\/a> on our booking site, as well as <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/therapists?location_type=skype&amp;utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\"><span style=\"color: #666699;\">online counsellors you can chat with from anywhere<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><b><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-150x150.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy mental health expert\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-50x50.png 50w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673.png 268w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/>Andrea M. Darcy <\/b>is a mental health and wellbeing expert and mentor, with training in person-centred counselling and coaching. She often writes about trauma, relationships, and ADHD. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Not sure what you want anymore? Don\u2019t like your career, can&#8217;t set a goal? Or just have feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness and feeling lost in life?\u00a0 Why am I feeling lost in life? &#8220;My life has no meaning.&#8221; &#8220;I am useless, I\u2019ll never get anywhere or do anything important.&#8221; &#8220;I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":114960,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-114957","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety-and-stress","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.0 (Yoast SEO v27.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Feeling Lost in Life? 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