{"id":115017,"date":"2019-09-24T11:00:43","date_gmt":"2019-09-24T10:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=115017"},"modified":"2022-05-16T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-05-16T11:00:00","slug":"how-to-get-someone-to-like-you-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-get-someone-to-like-you-back.htm","title":{"rendered":"How to Get Someone to Like You Back"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"how<\/a>

By: Justin Coleman<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Really want someone you<\/strong>\u00a0work wit<\/a>h or go to school<\/a> with to like you, and not sure where to start? How to get someone to like you back? <\/span><\/p>\n

Editor and lead writer Andrea M. Darcy<\/span>\u00a0explores.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

The big truth about how to get someone to like you back<\/span><\/h2>\n

No matter how many internet articles or Youtube videos have told you otherwise, you cannot make someone like you back if they don\u2019t want to. You are simply not in charge of another person\u2019s decisions<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, if you follow the advice of some ‘dating gurus’, you can<\/strong> manipulate<\/a> and trick someone into temporarily liking you. But this means you are <\/span>pretending to be someone you aren’t<\/a> to gain someone else\u2019s attention.<\/span><\/p>\n

So not only will the other person one day realise, no matter if it\u2019s in a few weeks or a few years, that you manipulated<\/strong> them, are dishonest<\/a>, and are someone entirely different?<\/span><\/p>\n

But with each step you take to create a false persona that will be \u2018liked\u2019, you are losing sight of yourself more and more. This can lead to<\/strong> loss of self-respect and, eventually, even an identity crisis<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

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In the end you may find yourself questioning not how to make someone else like you in return, but rather how to cultivate self-love<\/a> and appreciate yourself. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So are there better ways to get someone to like you back? Without all the antics?<\/strong> Absolutely. <\/span><\/p>\n

How to get someone to like you back in a HEALTHY way <\/span><\/h2>\n

Here are ideas inspired by psychotherapy and coaching<\/a> on how to get someone to like you back.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Stop constantly asking yourself, “Why don’t they like me?”.<\/span><\/h3>\n

It leads to months<\/strong> (or in some cases, years) of anxiety<\/a>, paranoia<\/a>, and an extended game of guesswork.\u00a0 In<\/span>\u00a0cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)<\/a> such guesswork thinking is considered a cognitive distortion<\/a> — thoughts that are not based on reality– and is called ‘fortune telling’.<\/p>\n

You can’t read someone’s mind. If you are curious about what the issue is, then learn<\/strong> how to communicate without upsetting someone<\/a>, and how to ask good questions<\/a>. Gather up your courage and have a calm, open conversation with the person where you ask for feedback.<\/p>\n

\"how<\/a>

By: Alexander Annenkov<\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

2. Or just ask them out.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Or, if it’s a romantic interest<\/a>, get some support for possible fallout then ask them out.<\/p>\n

Seems a crazy idea? No more ‘crazy’ than spending<\/strong> months or years of your life wasting time and energy focussed on someone who might never be interested.<\/p>\n

If you can’t seem to ask them out, and if this is a pattern in your life? Always liking people who don’t notice you? It might not be about that person at all but about a limiting belief<\/a> <\/strong>that you are unworthy of love<\/strong>.<\/a> By chasing the unavailable<\/a><\/strong> you are unconsciously seeking to ‘prove’ this belief.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

3. Drop the sob story. <\/span><\/h3>\n

\u201cNobody likes me and there is nothing I can do about it\u201d. \u201cEveryone rejects me and that\u2019s a fact\u201d.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Is it? Because these sound like very strong<\/strong> assumptions<\/a>, unless you happen to know all the billions of people walking the earth personally. And assumptions like these are part of a deeply entrenched victim mindset<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

You can either shout about being called a victim<\/a> and dig the victim trench that bit deeper. Or you can take a<\/strong> deep breath, and ask yourself, “Is it possibly true? Has my childhood left me with limiting beliefs<\/a> that I need to question? And are there repressed difficult childhood experiences<\/a> I\u2019ve got a lot of rage and pain about that it\u2019s time to face and process, so that I can stop being a victim and start being my real self?”<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Try out the ‘C’ word.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

The old advice is, ‘just love yourself and others will love you back!’. But it’s (highly) unrealistic.We all have<\/strong> doubts<\/a> and moments of being annoyed with ourselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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There is, however, truth in the idea that if we are always obsessing on others liking us, there is often, hidden beneath, self-hatred<\/a><\/strong> coupled with low self-esteem<\/a><\/strong>. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\"how<\/a>

By: Kevin Dooley<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

A newer therapy called<\/strong> \u2018compassion-based therapy<\/a>\u2019 suggests that the best way to start regaining a sense of worth<\/a> is to with a bit of simple letting ourselves off the hook. <\/span><\/p>\n

Recognise you are trying your best. Give yourself<\/strong> credit for what you do right. Notice how you talk to friends<\/a>, and then try talking to yourself in the same way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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The more we show compassion to ourselves, the more, by default, we become comfortable showing compassion to others. And the more we have natural compassion for others, instead of fake niceness designed to win attention? The more they relax around us, and, well… like us. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

5. Stop faking out.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Pretending to be someone you aren\u2019t \u2014 doing things you don\u2019t<\/strong> usually do, feigning interests and hobbies that aren\u2019t yours, dressing in ways you wouldn\u2019t otherwise, being mean to women because an online course says it works to make them like you?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Unless you have narcissistic personality disorder<\/a>, (and if you are reading this article it\u2019s unlikely, here\u2019s why<\/a>), this sort of \u2018acting\u2019 comes across as fake to others. Yes, no matter how well you think you are pulling it off.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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And fakeness is a big turnoff. The other person might not even be sure why they don\u2019t quite like you. They just get a wary feeling. And they back off. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

6. Let it be messy. <\/span><\/h3>\n

So why are you faking out? Usually it\u2019s because you\u2019ve deemed your real self as<\/strong> not good enough. Not pretty enough, thin enough<\/a>, smart enough<\/a>, rich enough<\/a>, too messed up. <\/span><\/p>\n

So be messy, then.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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A genuine mess is more attractive to most people than fake perfection. We all feel imperfect inside. When others are not pretending otherwise we can empathise<\/a> and connect<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And if you are never being your messy self, then you are cutting off any chance of meeting someone who likes you as you are.<\/strong> How can they, when you keep it so well hidden? <\/span><\/p>\n

7. Stop running after people who aren\u2019t worth it. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If the other person really does seem to want fake perfection, then why are you even running after them in the first place?<\/strong> Ask yourself these questions:<\/span><\/p>\n