{"id":115145,"date":"2019-10-08T11:00:41","date_gmt":"2019-10-08T10:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=115145"},"modified":"2023-03-12T11:06:55","modified_gmt":"2023-03-12T11:06:55","slug":"giving-constructive-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/giving-constructive-feedback.htm","title":{"rendered":"Giving Constructive Feedback -7 Ways You are Getting it Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By: Pedagogsajten Familjen Helsingborg<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you fancy yourself a helpful sort who is always giving constructive feedback? Yet somehow, nobody else seems to appreciate it? <\/span><\/p>\n

Are you giving constructive feedback wrong? <\/span>7 Key mistakes\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

Giving feedback is actually an art.<\/strong> Done wrong, it dwindles into not much more than criticism<\/a>, judgement<\/a>, blame<\/a>, and ‘advice<\/a>‘.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does it matter? We can unwittingly be leaving ourselves<\/strong> lonely<\/a> by alienating colleagues<\/a> and ruining friendships<\/a>.<\/p>\n

So what are the main errors you might be making when it comes to giving feedback?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

1.You are making it about you.<\/span><\/h3>\n

‘But I\u2019m great at giving feedback, I took a course’. ‘It\u2019s just that he can\u2019t take it\u2019. \u2018The problem is she doesn\u2019t listen well<\/a> to my feedback and then overreacts<\/a>\u2019. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

These statements are all ego speaking.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The point of giving feedback is not to be good at it, or to tell the other person the best ideas possible. It is to help the other person improve their situation or performance.<\/em><\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

This means working at their<\/em> level, not yours. And understanding their perspective<\/a> and set of resources<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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If deep down you don\u2019t actually care if the other person advances or not, it might be better that you say nothing at all until you find reasons why you do. Otherwise you risk giving ‘advice from a pedestal’ that helps no one.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

2. You are telling instead of first asking. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Do you jump right into feedback? \u201cI hope you don\u2019t mind me telling you, but\u2026.\u201d? And then comes the long list? <\/span>This is a perfect recipe to upset and overwhelm<\/a> others. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\"giving<\/a>

By: Rawpixel Ltd<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Try starting by asking the other person what they themselves feel about their problem or performance.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

By carefully listening<\/a> to their response, you give yourself a perfect guide to how to deliver your feedback. For example, you’ll know if they are sensitive<\/a> about the issue, or actually crave straightforward help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You might also discover that you\u2019ve read the situation all wrong<\/strong> and it\u2019s not even the right time to give feedback. <\/span><\/p>\n

For example, let’s say you are giving constructive feedback in the workplace<\/a>. A colleague a<\/a>nd you <\/strong>have an upcoming project. You <\/span>ask what they think about their achievements so far, only to find out that they actually know they are behind and unorganised<\/a>. They then share that they are in the middle of a divorce<\/a> and not sleeping<\/a>. They in fact need support<\/a>, not constructive criticism.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0And if it’s not a workplace situation where you have to give feedback, but is, say, giving feedback to peers? Why not ask if they want feedback in the first place? And allow it to be their choice to hear?<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

3. You are blasting in with the negative. <\/span><\/h3>\n

When we jump in with what isn\u2019t working, other people can shut down. By the time you get to your list of how things could work, they simply aren’t listening. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

The popular model here is the sandwich model – but it has drawbacks. <\/strong>It suggests\u00a0<\/strong>you give constructive criticism between two positives. While it might work with, say, your kids<\/a>? It can otherwise come across as too obvious.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Researchers at Southeastern Oklahoma State University<\/a> found that “this commonly used method may be undermining both the supervisor\u2019s feedback and the relationship with their workers.” They showed that if the positives were not truthful<\/a> but sugarcoating, then trust<\/a> was lost.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And yet research coming out of Harvard Business school<\/a> found that if feedback was all negative, <\/strong>it rarely led to any improvement, and drove people away. Employees would choose to work with other colleagues than the one who gave the criticism.<\/p>\n

The takeaway could be to start with what is working, and go from there.<\/strong> Stay authentic<\/a>, keep the other person’s viewpoint<\/a> an equal part of the feedback, listen, and include realistic positives but stay honest. So to build on our model:<\/p>\n