{"id":117515,"date":"2019-12-10T11:00:03","date_gmt":"2019-12-10T11:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=117515"},"modified":"2023-03-08T10:01:25","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T10:01:25","slug":"commitment-issues-signs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/commitment-issues-signs.htm","title":{"rendered":"9 Lesser Known Signs of Commitment Issues – It’s Not Just Your Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"fear<\/a>

By: Siaron James<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

We all know that if we have <\/strong>endless short relationships<\/a> we likely have commitment issues<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But fear of commitment can manifest in other areas of our life, too.<\/strong> So if you are hiding behind a disconnected, unhappy relationship<\/a> but know there is something wrong, it’s time to look with a wider perspective<\/a>.<\/p>\n

9 hidden signs you have commitment issues<\/h2>\n

So what are the signs you have issues with commitment?<\/p>\n

1. You give your all to projects and jobs you deep down don\u2019t care about. <\/span><\/h3>\n

If you spend all your time and energy doing things that deep down you don\u2019t care about, including work,<\/strong>\u00a0you can\u2019t get hurt. If it goes wrong, you don\u2019t care. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

So on the surface you can seem to have no commitment issues. Look how hard you work! Look at what you accomplished! But it\u2019s fake. As you aren\u2019t committed at all. You don\u2019t care about any of it. You are just keeping busy. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

2. There are a lot of unfinished things in your life. <\/span><\/h3>\n

An unfinished novel, an online course you paid for then never even started, a membership at a boxing gym and you went twice\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

You tell yourself \u2018it just isn\u2019t for me\u2019. But the truth that you know, deep down, is the opposite. You like and want the course\/project\/goal<\/span><\/a> so much, it scares you. So you avoid it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

3. You feel like you are trapped leading someone else\u2019s life.<\/span> <\/span><\/h3>\n

\"commitmentIs there this endless sense that life is dragging you<\/strong> along for the ride? But it\u2019s not the life you meant to have? <\/span><\/p>\n

Or do you feel like you are acting out some character<\/strong> in a film, but it\u2019s not really you?<\/span><\/p>\n

When we are afraid to commit to what matches our personal values<\/span><\/a> and truly matters to us? To the people who truly attract and inspire us, and situations we care about? We end up always settling for other things instead. The end result is a life we feel alienated and lost in<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

4. You are rubbish at decision making (and leave it to the last minute).\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Do you umm and awww even over simple decisions? Like what<\/strong> new fridge to buy? Or what restaurant to go to? Are you always afraid you’ll make a mistake and miss out on something better<\/a>?<\/p>\n

Do big and important<\/strong> life decisions<\/a> get left to the last minute, meaning you miss out on important opportunities, or make stupid decisions under duress?<\/p>\n

“Grass is greener’ syndrome<\/a> and fear of failure<\/a> can both be connected to fear of commitment.<\/p>\n

5. It\u2019s never you, it’s always ‘them’.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Do you always seem to have<\/strong> difficult colleagues<\/a>, unreliable friends<\/a>? Or even bad therapists<\/a>? <\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, commitment issues can mean you surround yourself with people you don’t like, so<\/strong> you risk nothing if it doesn’t work out. But sometimes it’s more that you avoid any real connection<\/a>, even if you do like them<\/span>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You find reasons to not work things through and get closer as people. And this can mean you <\/strong>project problems<\/a> onto anyone else but you and become a blame expert<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. You hear yourself agreeing to things you don\u2019t. Often. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Hear someone laughing at a mean joke then realise it\u2019s you? Nod your head when someone spouts nonsense even though inside you are thinking, what is he talking about? Or find yourself saying \u2018yes, of course\u2019<\/a> when you mean to say, \u2018that is really not fair\u2019? <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Fear of commitment can also mean being afraid to commit to our beliefs<\/span><\/a>, to being tied to an argument<\/span><\/a>, or to having people \u2018trap\u2019 us into a box<\/span>. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

7. You are always freelance, or on contract, or looking for a better job. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"commitment

photo by Priscilla Du Preez<\/p><\/div>\n

Not committing to a job, or endless work dissatisfaction<\/a>, are also possible\u00a0 <\/span>sign of being a commitment phobe. This can be endless freelance jobs. <\/span><\/p>\n

Or,\u00a0 if you have a steady job, it can look like not progressing<\/strong> in the company or going for promotions or doing your best, as you \u2018don’t plan to stay there long\u2019. You spend free time looking at job ads (but rarely applying). <\/span><\/p>\n

8. You move house often. Or hope to. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Fear of commitment can even manifest in where we live<\/strong>. This can look like living in one place but always looking at real estate ads, or spending hours weekly on ‘how to live abroad<\/a>‘ sites. <\/span><\/p>\n

And if you are always travelling, always on the move, or even a<\/strong> digital nomad<\/a>? If it comes along with endless short term relationships and unstable jobs, and deep down you are exhausted<\/a> and unhappy moving all the time? Then you might need to look at your commitment issues. <\/span><\/p>\n

9. But you have lifestyle habits that are repetitive and boring.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Do you often eat the same things again and again at certain restaurants? Stick to the same exercise routine<\/a> long after the fad has changed? Wear the same outfit again and again? Or even buy the same clothes in different colours?<\/p>\n

The funny thing about being a commitment phobe is that we can chase endless change in the parts of life that benefit from stability, then cling to ‘sameness’ in less risky areas, as if trying to compensate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As for trying therapy….<\/h2>\n

Either the idea makes you feel trapped and suffocated and you blow off therapy as ‘for other people’. Or,<\/strong> if you have tried therapy<\/a>, you probably left after one or two sessions. The therapist was weird<\/a>, or you didn’t feel comfortable, or you were just sure it wouldn’t work.<\/p>\n

But therapy is like a relationship. And like any relationship, it takes time, and, yes,<\/strong> commitment, to know if it can work. It’s recommended to try four sessions<\/a> before making a decision.<\/p>\n

And if it’s not the right ‘type’ of therapy, don’t decide ‘all’ types are <\/strong>not right for you. It’s highly unlikely there is not one, out of the now over one hundred types of therapy<\/a>, that can benefit you.<\/p>\n

Instead, a commitment to therapy more often than not leads to<\/strong> an ability to commit elsewhere in life, meaning an improved career, family life, and relationships.<\/p>\n

Ready to face your commitment issues for once and for all? We connect you with top London therapists in central locations. Not in London? Use our booking platform<\/span><\/a> to find UK-wide registered therapists<\/span><\/a> and online counsellors<\/a><\/span> you can talk to from anywhere.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Still have a question about commitment issues? Post in the comment box below.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy<\/a> <\/strong>is a mental health and wellbeing expert and a mentor. She studied person-centred counselling but, well, didn’t finish her certification…. she is still getting her head around commitment herself! Find her on Instagram \u00a0@am_darcy<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Andrea M. Darcy We all know that if we have endless short relationships we likely have commitment issues. But fear of commitment can manifest in other areas of our life, too. So if you are hiding behind a disconnected, unhappy relationship but know there is something wrong, it’s time to look with a wider perspective. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":117534,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[113,90],"class_list":["post-117515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-career","tag-relationship-issues","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\n9 Lesser Known Signs of Commitment Issues - It's Not Just Your Relationships - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Commitment Issues are not just about relationships, they can pervade all areas of your life - do these signs of fear of commitment sound familiar?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/commitment-issues-signs.htm\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"9 Lesser Known Signs of Commitment Issues - It's Not Just Your Relationships\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Commitment Issues are not just about relationships, they can pervade all areas of your life - do these signs of fear of commitment sound familiar?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/commitment-issues-signs.htm\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/harleytherapy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-12-10T11:00:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-03-08T10:01:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-VzqEavUGnss-unsplash.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"709\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"471\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Andrea M. 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Andrea M. Darcy We all know that if we have endless short relationships we likely have commitment issues. But fear of commitment can manifest in other areas of our life, too. So if you are hiding behind a disconnected, unhappy relationship but know there is something wrong, it’s time to look with a wider perspective.…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=117515"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117515\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":137629,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117515\/revisions\/137629"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/117534"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=117515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=117515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=117515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}