{"id":117727,"date":"2023-01-10T11:00:24","date_gmt":"2023-01-10T11:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=117727"},"modified":"2023-05-19T14:02:41","modified_gmt":"2023-05-19T13:02:41","slug":"feeling-stuck-in-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-stuck-in-life.htm","title":{"rendered":"Feeling Stuck in Life? Why it Happens and 10 Ways to Move Forward"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"feeling

photo by Andrea PIacquadio for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Feeling stuck in life?<\/strong> Set resolutions that never work<\/a> each year? Never in a career or relationship you like, and just can’t get ahead no matter how hard you try?<\/p>\n

5 Reasons why being stuck happens<\/h2>\n

Why does it seem like everyone else can change and move forward but us? There can be several factors at play here.<\/em><\/p>\n

1. We were taught to settle for less.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Sometimes a life we feel stuck in<\/strong> comes from learning growing up we must do and be certain things and not others. We’ve mistakenly created a life that doesn’t even match who we are.<\/a> That instead matches other people’s ideas of what we should be.<\/p>\n

2. We are always feeling\u00a0 stuck in life because we are highly self-critical.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Sometimes it’s not even true that we are that stuck. We just have such a<\/strong> harsh criteria for ourselves, we refuse to see the progress we\u00a0<\/em>make. Or have impostor syndrome <\/a>and don’t believe we’ve done anything of value. Then some of us\u00a0 are perfectionist,<\/a> endlessly comparing ourselves<\/a> to those with far more life experience or opportunity.<\/p>\n

We only want to look at a big picture<\/strong> where we are hugely successful, instead of making time to see we have graduated from a course<\/a>, have found our own apartment, a new job<\/a>, etc.<\/p>\n

3. We have mental health issues holding us back.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

It’s hard to get ahead if we are so<\/strong> depressed<\/a> we have constant fatigue<\/a> and brain fog<\/a>. Or if we have such bad anxiety<\/a> our mind is constantly troubleshooting everything<\/a>, and we are sleeping badly<\/a>. ADHD<\/a> can mean we never finish things and spread ourselves too thin. Grief<\/a>, too, can leave us struggling to cope.<\/p>\n

A research study looking at the connection between depression and life satisfaction<\/a> found that men in particular find it hard to feel good about their life when depressed. [1]<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

4. We don’t have resources or a support system.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Much as we might be independent and courageous, it’s hard to do life<\/strong> entirely alone<\/a>. And it’s even harder if the people we do know don’t believe in us, or put us down<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"always

photo by Towfiqu Barbhuiya for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

And if we are constantly struggling for necessary resources,<\/strong> like money<\/a> to pay the rent, there isn’t time to get ahead.<\/p>\n

5. We are quite simply afraid of change.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Fear of change<\/a> can be debilitating. It tends to come for a difficult childhood<\/a> where change meant bad things, so that now your brain resists change in a misguided effort to keep you safe.<\/p>\n

Or sometimes we are afraid to get unstuck and move forward as we aren’t sure others will love us if we are successful or different. Perhaps at some point in life we were rejected<\/a> for being too smart<\/a> or doing well.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

10 Ways to stop feeling stuck and make progress at last<\/h2>\n

So what to do when you feel stuck in life? How can you finally<\/strong> stop treading water and actually move forward? Sometimes it’s about getting practical. If we are in debt<\/a>, we might need to seek debt counselling<\/a>, and swallow our pride and go on benefits, for example.<\/p>\n

But often getting unstuck in life involves some psychological work.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

1. Dig out limiting beliefs.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Think that you decide your life with your<\/strong> conscious<\/em> thoughts? Think again. <\/span><\/p>\n

Our conscious thoughts are driven by hidden<\/strong> unconscious beliefs<\/a>. These are assumptions<\/a> we make as children and decide are \u2018facts\u2019. They can sound like, \u2018the world is a dangerous place<\/a>\u2019, \u2018you can\u2019t trust anyone<\/a>\u2019, \u2018I am not worthy of good things<\/a>\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n

For example, if you deep down believe you are not worthy of good things how are you going to then choose a partner who is good to you<\/a>? Or a \u00a0job<\/span> you are not bored in?<\/a><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

To get unstuck in life we need to roll up our sleeves, dig deep, ask some helpful questions<\/a>, and get honest about the negative limiting beliefs<\/a> running the show. Then change them to ones that serve us instead of act as constant self-sabotage<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

2. Accept responsibility for the problem.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

The one thing that keeps us well and truly stuck in life?<\/strong> The victim mentality<\/a>. <\/span>When we think that all the problems in our life are because of other people and situations, we then put all the power outward<\/em>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

How can we change anything if we are constantly claiming we are powerless<\/a>? <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\"breakthrough

photo by Andrea Piacquadio for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

When we take responsibility for what we can \u2014 <\/strong>when we accept that we, as adults, chose those experiences, relationships<\/a>, jobs<\/a>, situations? <\/span>We untie our own hands and claim back power<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

What about in the case of something like<\/strong> childhood trauma?<\/a> This\u00a0 of course wasn\u2019t a choice, and is a terrible thing to live through. <\/span>But it becomes about taking responsibility if we did not choose to seek help<\/a> as an adult or didn’t stick out the healing journey. Or if we continue to abuse ourselves through our bad habits<\/a> and by choosing abusive relationships<\/a>.\u00a0 These are all things we DO have power over.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Identify values. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Have a life that is fine, but you always feel stuck in?<\/strong>\u00a0 You might\u00a0be living out the values of others instead of our own. <\/span><\/p>\n

The classic example here would be a child who learned from their parents<\/strong> they must want stability and wealth<\/a>. Deep down they value creativity<\/a> and adventure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But it might equally be you trying to live up to your friend<\/a> or partner’s values <\/strong>of a \u2018cool, free\u2019 life, when deep down you value stability and calm.<\/span><\/p>\n

When we identify our personal values<\/span><\/a>, we naturally find purpose<\/span><\/a> and passion. And when we then follow our values, we meet people we have things in common with and can connect with<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0 We are inspired and in ‘flow’<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

4. Lower expectations. <\/span><\/h3>\n

When we have very high expectations<\/a> we can end up never happy with what <\/strong>is. We miss the opportunity right in front of us. We don’t try new things if they don’t match our expectations, or turn away relationships with people who might have been great friends or partners.<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

No wonder you feel exhausted and like you are treading water. You are in a state of constant resistance instead of acceptance<\/a>. And as famous psychoanalyst Carl Jung<\/a> once said, “What you resist, persists”.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And maybe, deep down, you are using high expectations to put your life on hold.<\/strong> To keep intimacy at bay<\/span><\/a>. To keep up the idea that you are a failure<\/span><\/a> and to stay feeling stuck in your comfort zone.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Create space. <\/span><\/h3>\n

No, we are not talking about<\/strong> decluttering your home<\/a> (although that can\u2019t do any harm). <\/span><\/p>\n

We are talking about decluttering the things in your life that are no <\/strong>longer serving you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n