{"id":117792,"date":"2020-01-07T11:00:59","date_gmt":"2020-01-07T11:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=117792"},"modified":"2023-03-08T10:30:23","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T10:30:23","slug":"attention-seeking-behaviour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/attention-seeking-behaviour.htm","title":{"rendered":"Attention-Seeking Behaviour &#8211; Guiltier Than You Realise?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_117799\" style=\"width: 368px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/18728558083_63b637ae68.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-117799\" class=\"wp-image-117799\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/18728558083_63b637ae68-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"attention-seeking behaviour\" width=\"358\" height=\"238\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/18728558083_63b637ae68-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/18728558083_63b637ae68.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/18728558083_63b637ae68-180x120.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 358px) 100vw, 358px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-117799\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/massimilianotuveri\/18728558083\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Massimiliano Tuveri<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Have you been accused of attention-seeking behaviour?<\/strong> What might this look like, why would you do it, and what can be done to turn a need for attention into something more beneficial?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Editor and lead writer <span style=\"color: #333399;\">Andrea Blundell<\/span> addresses this important issue.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">What is attention-seeking behaviour? <\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Some kinds of attention seeking are more obvious than others.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>For example, there are the more talked-about ones that start when we are children or teens<\/strong>. They can include things like: <\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"p1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/black-and-white-thinking-stop-drama-addict.htm\"><span class=\"s1\">telling big dramatic stories<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">being the \u2018class clown\u2019<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">showing off <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">bad behaviour and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-impulsivity.htm\">acting out <\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/anger-issues-signs.htm\"><span class=\"s1\">temper tantrums<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li>showing off<\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">dressing and acting in ways just to prove we are different and unique<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">promiscuity &#8211; <\/span><span class=\"s1\">using flirting or sexual innuendo to gain attention. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #800080;\">But many kinds of attention seeking are to do with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/communication-problems.htm\">communication<\/a> and far more subtle ways of having someone&#8217;s<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/cant-focus-might-one-psychological-health-conditions.htm\"> focus<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong><span class=\"s1\">Attention-seeking communication can also look like: <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"p1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/constant-criticism.htm\"><span class=\"s1\">criticising <\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">complaining <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">tell stories or jokes that make someone else look bad<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">gossip<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">talking to much, or about ourselves only <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">exaggerating <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">oversharing <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">one-upping <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">challenging everything someone else says.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>And other forms of attention-seeking behaviour that are ways of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/manipulative-behaviour-are-you-guilty.htm\">manipulating<\/a> the other to give you their energy<\/strong> include:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"p1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-hopeless.htm\"><span class=\"s1\">acting helpless<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/victim-mentality.htm\"><span class=\"s1\">playing the victim<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">fishing for compliments<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm\">changing your personality<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-perspective.htm\">viewpoint<\/a> to match who you are around<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">agreeing with everything someone says<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/anger-and-personality-disorders.htm\">being angry<\/a>. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Why would anger be a way to get attention? <\/span><\/h2>\n<div id=\"attachment_117800\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2578469959_0c725b28d1-2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-117800\" class=\"wp-image-117800 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2578469959_0c725b28d1-2-400x228.jpg\" alt=\"attention-seeking behaviour\" width=\"400\" height=\"228\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2578469959_0c725b28d1-2-400x228.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2578469959_0c725b28d1-2.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-117800\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/philliecasablanca\/2578469959\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Phil Whitehouse<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">Surprised to see anger on the above list? <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Yes, recently mental health has become something we talk about more<\/strong> in countries like the U.K. But there is still a strong culture of seeming \u2018strong\u2019 and \u2018together\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #800080;\">We aren\u2019t, however, exactly encouraged to walk around asking for positive attention, or admitting we need to feel a bit loved today. Instead, for many of us, it feels <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/shame-definition.htm\">shameful<\/a> to admit we want attention.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>But what <em>is<\/em> somehow culturally acceptable is to snap at a partner, or pick on them, or even, yes<\/strong>, get angry about something. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Which is all a way to get attention<\/strong>, albeit not of the positive variety. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><em>Imagine that you come home and you want to tell your partner all about your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/workplace-wellbeing-initiatives.htm\">work<\/a> win, but they are playing a video game. You ask them how they are, hoping they ask back. They don\u2019t. Next thing you are snapping at them for being lazy and not cleaning the house but gaming, they snap at you for nagging, and soon it\u2019s a full blown argument about all sorts. You got attention after all!\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Why would I be using attention-seeking behaviours? <\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Sometimes it\u2019s that we learned that this was an effective way to<\/strong> run our relationships from the adults around us growing up, and have continued the pattern. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>But more often, it\u2019s connected to psychological issues. The classic one we all state here is<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-thoughts.htm\">low self-esteem<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Yet it\u2019s often more convoluted than just <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-worth.htm\">low self-worth<\/a>. It can also be that we:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/great-codependency-hoax-codependent.htm\">codependent<\/a> and need approval to feel worthy<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/a-sense-of-self-who-am-i.htm\">lack identity<\/a> and find it through other\u2019s view on us <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">suffer from feelings of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-overcome-loneliness.htm\">loneliness<\/a> and<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/connecting-with-people.htm\"> disconnection<\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">But how did we end up so lacking in identity, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-confidence-how-much-of-a-problem-is-it-really.htm\">confidence<\/a>, and connection? <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\">The roots of attention-seeking behaviours<\/h2>\n<div id=\"attachment_117801\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/25771614245_5542bd4f9b.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-117801\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-117801\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/25771614245_5542bd4f9b-400x267.jpg\" alt=\"attention seeking behaviour \" width=\"400\" height=\"267\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/25771614245_5542bd4f9b-400x267.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/25771614245_5542bd4f9b.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/25771614245_5542bd4f9b-180x120.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-117801\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/donnieray\/25771614245\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Donnie Ray Jones<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-childhood-trauma.htm\">Childhood trauma<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-are-adverse-childhood-experiences-aces.htm\">adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)<\/a> can leave us believing we don&#8217;t deserve love. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-can-i-remember-childhood-trauma-abuse.htm\">Sexual abuse<\/a>, neglect, a mentally unwell parent or violent household&#8230;. it can all leave us believing we have to earn any attention we get.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Or it might be that you had a parent who was simply<\/strong> unable to offer you the unconditional love and attention a child deserves. Perhaps they were mentally or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/emotionally-unavailable.htm\">emotionally unavailable<\/a>, or had a tendency to only show you love if you behaved a certain way. This can see you have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/attachment-styles.htm\">attachment issues<\/a> as an adult, where you try to win attention or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/push-pull-relationship.htm\">push and pull<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>It is also possible that attention-seeking behaviour is caused by a<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/personality-disorder-a-help-guide.htm\">personality disorder<\/a> which means you see and experience the world differently than others. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-histrionic-personality-disorder.htm\">Histrionic personality disorder<\/a> involves dramatic and promiscuous behaviour. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/borderline-personality-relationships.htm\">Borderline personality disorder<\/a> involves a lot of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/are-you-overreacting-how-to-tell.htm\">overreacting<\/a> and big emotions that can see you manipulating partners for attention.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>How to overcome attention-seeking behaviour?<\/h2>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">First of all, forgive yourself if you recognise that you are using attention-seeking behaviours. It&#8217;s a normal human desire to be loved, to know we exist, and to feel seen. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>If your life has been lacking in these things or you were never taught how to recognise your own needs<\/strong> and get them met? It&#8217;s not your fault that you have long resorted to attention-seeking. It is simply your responsibility to now do something about it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>This can involve things like<\/strong> really <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-listen-to-yourself.htm\">getting to know yourself<\/a>, and learning how to give yourself positive attention. Or learning what<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/healthy-relationships-is-it-one.htm\"> healthy relating<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/communication-skills-attract-love.htm\">communication<\/a> even is. And spending time recognising and changing your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-thinking.htm\">negative thought patterns<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>Can therapy help attention-seeking behaviour?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Absolutely. All types of therapy help with negative behaviours. <\/strong><strong>For example,<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-london.htm\">CBT therapy<\/a> can help you recognise and<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/balanced-thinking-benefits.htm\"> change your negative thoughts<\/a> that drive you to unhealthy behaviours. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychodynamic-therapy.htm\">Psychodynamic therapy<\/a> can help you recognise the childhood experiences that drive you to negative behaviours. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/compassion-focused-therapy.htm\">Compassion-focussed therapy<\/a> helps you be kinder to yourself, which can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-compassion.htm\">raise your self-esteem<\/a> and help you give yourself the attention you deserve.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Time to seek support to end negative behaviours that leave you lonely? Harley Therapy connects you with top talk <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/therapists.htm\">therapists in central London<\/a> locations. Not in London? Use<a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"> our booking site<\/span><\/a> to find<span style=\"color: #333399;\"> <a style=\"color: #333399;\" href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\">UK-wide therapists<\/a> <\/span>or <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/therapists?location_type=skype&amp;utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\">online counselling<\/span><\/a> you can access from anywhere.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-397x400.png\" alt=\"Andrea Blundell\" width=\"169\" height=\"170\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amdarcy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Andrea M. Darcy <\/a><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amdarcy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">is a health and wellbeing expert<\/a> who has studied person-centred counselling and coaching. Guilty of attention-seeking communication when younger, she found that CBT therapy and mindfulness really helped! Find her on Instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Have you been accused of attention-seeking behaviour? What might this look like, why would you do it, and what can be done to turn a need for attention into something more beneficial? Editor and lead writer Andrea Blundell addresses this important issue. What is attention-seeking behaviour? Some kinds of attention seeking [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":117799,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6,125],"tags":[124,440,379],"class_list":["post-117792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-self-esteem","tag-low-confidence","tag-personality-disorders","tag-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.3 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Attention-Seeking Behaviour - Guiltier Than You Realise? - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you guilty of attention-seeking behaviour? 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