{"id":117863,"date":"2020-01-14T11:00:06","date_gmt":"2020-01-14T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=117863"},"modified":"2023-03-15T17:30:28","modified_gmt":"2023-03-15T17:30:28","slug":"how-to-get-the-most-out-of-therapy-12-key-points","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-therapy-12-key-points.htm","title":{"rendered":"How to Get the Most out of Therapy -12 Key Points"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_117865\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/475764378_b44c2d29c8.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-117865\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-117865\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/475764378_b44c2d29c8-400x300.jpg\" alt=\"how to get the most out of therapy\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/475764378_b44c2d29c8-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/475764378_b44c2d29c8.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-117865\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/jeremylmack\/475764378\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Jeremy Mack<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/first-time-seeking-therapy.htm\">Starting therapy for the first time<\/a>? Or been at it awhile, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/quitting-therapy.htm\">not sure it\u2019s working<\/a>? <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Editor and lead writer <span style=\"color: #333399;\">Andrea Blundell<\/span> looks at <em>how to get the most out of therapy.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">How to get the most out of therapy<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Therapy is not a walk in the park.<\/strong> It can be complicated and challenging. So what can you do to make it a rewarding experience instead of feeling like you are throwing your money out the window? <\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">1. Remember you are the one hiring them.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">This matters both in first sessions and later down the line. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>A first therapy session is nerve wracking. And it can be easy to<\/strong> feel you have to follow along and answer the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/good-questions-to-ask.htm\">therapist\u2019s questions<\/a> and then keep going back, despite a niggly feeling something isn&#8217;t quite right.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>But would you hire an assistant at work without asking questions?<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"s1\">It\u2019s just as important you ask a therapist questions you have, such as asking about:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychotherapy-training-courses-london.htm\">training <\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">the experience they have working with your exact issues <\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychotherapeutic-approaches-the-main-schools-of-thought.htm\"> type of therapy<\/a> they offer and how they work with it\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">what they think you can accomplish working together<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">their price options<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">their rules. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>And then you need to speak up if things change for you, <\/strong>such as \u00a0needing an adjustment in scheduling and time slot, or needing to switch to &#8216;blended&#8217; sessions with some taking place as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/online-counselling-psychologists.htm\">online therapy<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">2. And choose carefully. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">Going to a therapist just because you like their picture is probably not the best idea, unless you are somehow psychic. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>And while a recommendation from a friend is a good start, you might have<\/strong> different needs than him or her. Research the therapist you are interested in , his or her experience, qualifications, if they are a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/registered-therapists-quality-standards-uk.htm\">registered therapist<\/a>, and the types of therapy they offer.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Also consider why you are choosing a certain therapist.<\/strong> Are you going for your comfort zone? Trying to find a mothering figure? Or a therapist you aspire to be like? Is this therapist actually the right choice to help you grow?<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">3. Be realistic with expectations. <\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_117867\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-117867\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-117867\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/nik-shuliahin-BuNWp1bL0nc-unsplash-400x261.jpg\" alt=\"how to get the most out of therapy\" width=\"400\" height=\"261\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/nik-shuliahin-BuNWp1bL0nc-unsplash-400x261.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/nik-shuliahin-BuNWp1bL0nc-unsplash-500x326.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/nik-shuliahin-BuNWp1bL0nc-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-117867\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by Nik Shuliahin<\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Therapy is hard work. And like anything, there will be a lot of<\/strong> ups and downs. There will be times that it feels powerful, and times when it feels like <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-stuck-in-life.htm\">nothing is changing<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">How to get the most out of therapy? Stick it out, and be committed to yourself and the process. Because yes, it is a process, not a magic wand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><span style=\"color: #993366;\">4. Remember that your therapist is a person<\/span>.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em>Putting a therapist on a pedestal means setting them up to fall off it, and setting yourself up to go into <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/live-life-like-victim-12-ways-tell.htm\">victim mode<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Therapists<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>are just people. Yes, they have<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/advanced-listening-skills.htm\">advanced listening skills<\/a>, and they <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/understanding-people.htm\">understand others<\/a> very well. But they can make mistakes, they can have their own issues, they can get sick, they can sometimes leave you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-let-down.htm\">feeling let down<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">It can help to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-the-therapeutic-alliance.htm\">see therapy as a collaboration<\/a> instead of a \u2018patient client\u2019 relationship. You and your therapist are two people working towards a common<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-set-goals-that-work.htm\"> goal<\/a>, your greater <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/mental-wellbeing.htm\">wellbeing<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">5. Take out the &#8216;like&#8217; factor.<\/span><\/h3>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #666699;\">Two great ways to never get good results from therapy? Spend all your time searching for ways you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-hate-my-therapist.htm\">don&#8217;t like your therapist<\/a>, or spend all your time trying to get your therapist to like you<\/span>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Most people who come to therapy have had longstanding <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.htm\">relating issues<\/a>. And immediately liking or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/trusting-others-hard.htm\">trusting someone<\/a> is not going to happen. With therapy you will have to face all your blocks that have surfaced in other relationships. You won&#8217;t always like your therapist. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">Instead look for someone you can see has <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/personal-values-know-yours.htm\">values<\/a> you appreciate, who you can relax around even if you don&#8217;t &#8216;like&#8217; them all the time, and who you feel you can <em>learn\u00a0<\/em>to trust, over time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>As for making your therapist like you?\u00a0 If you hide who you are and<\/strong> pander to your ideas of what your therapist will like, your fake self might get better. But your real self will be simply wasting money.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span style=\"color: #993366;\">6. Honesty really is the best policy if you want to get the most out of therapy.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_117866\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-117866\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-117866\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2380004456_5618b262fc-400x250.jpg\" alt=\"how to get the most out of therapy\" width=\"400\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2380004456_5618b262fc-400x250.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2380004456_5618b262fc.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-117866\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/x1brett\/2380004456\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">brett jordan<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Relationships are tough. And yes, sometimes we can find ourselves telling fibs to avoid talking about things or upsetting someone.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">But in therapy you are investing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/money-stress.htm\">money<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/need-more-time.htm\">time<\/a> in order to know yourself better. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-lied-to-my-therapist.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Lying to your therapist<\/span><\/a> means they can\u2019t help you well, or that in the future you\u2019ll have to waste valuable session time explaining the lie. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Your therapist is not going to judge you for the truth.<\/strong> They have probably heard far worse.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">7. Watch out for habits of sabotage. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">Do you often<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-sabotage.htm\"> sabotage<\/a> relationships and opportunities? Chances are, you&#8217;ll also try to sabotage therapy. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>This can look like<\/strong> being late for sessions, going out<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/drinking-too-much-alcohol.htm\"> drinking<\/a> the night before, or spending the money you\u2019d put aside to pay your therapist with. It can also look like saying negative things about your therapist and sessions to everyone you know until you have talked yourself into leaving. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>If you feel this happening, bring it to the session.<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right, talk to your therapist about how you are sabotaging. You can get to the root of it and discuss strategy for stopping the cycle.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">8. Talk about the process itself.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Many people have questions at some point about the way<\/strong> therapy is going, or aren&#8217;t liking a certain new tool. So what do they do? Complain to friends and say nothing to their therapist. Distance grows and sessions stop working. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #000080;\">Therapy is a space to talk about anything<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>\u2014 including therapy! If in doubt, ask. If unhappy, bring it up. It&#8217;s a safe space. A good therapist won&#8217;t take it personally.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">9. Do your homework. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-117872\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jeshoots-com-2vD8lIhdnw-unsplash-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"how to get the most out of therapy\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jeshoots-com-2vD8lIhdnw-unsplash-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jeshoots-com-2vD8lIhdnw-unsplash-500x333.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jeshoots-com-2vD8lIhdnw-unsplash-180x120.jpg 180w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jeshoots-com-2vD8lIhdnw-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/>If you are doing a therapy like<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/cbt-counselling-case-study.htm\">cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)<\/a> that comes with homework? Do it, and in a timely manner, not crammed in to the last hour before your session (see the paragraph above about sabotage).<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>The homework is there to help you get results. <\/strong>The only person who loses out if you don\u2019t commit to your homework is you.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">10. Learn about transference. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><em><span class=\"s1\">Is your therapist making you feel a strange rage? Or do you feel oddly attracted to them? Welcome to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-deal-with-transference-in-therapy.htm\">transference<\/a>. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Transference means we project unresolved issues with<\/strong> other people, like a parent, onto our therapist.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Don\u2019t <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-guilty-all-the-time.htm\">feel guilty<\/a> or weird if you are experiencing transference.<\/strong> Use it! By talking about it with your therapist it can then become a useful tool to explore these other relationships. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">11. If it\u2019s bugging you, say so. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Therapy is made to talk about anything, including feeling<\/strong> annoyed and frustrated about the cologne your therapist wears, a new piece of art in the therapy room, or how slow you feel your progress is. You never know where these things can lead &#8212; sometimes\u00a0 profound revelations come from exploring what seems a small annoyance.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #993366;\">12. Know when it\u2019s time to leave. <\/span><\/h3>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Yes, we\u2019ve just discussed committing to<\/strong> the journey, and cutting your therapist some slack for being human.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>But not every therapist is for every client. Nor is every type of therapy for every person. If it really isn\u2019t working <\/strong>after four or more sessions? Talk about it in an open and non-judgmental manner. It\u2019s possible your therapist might even agree with you, and then be able to refer you to someone they think is more suitable. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Note that if your therapist has in any way crossed professional boundaries &#8212; if they have made any sort of<\/strong> sexual innuendo or shown up smelling of alcohol, or threatened or harassed you, for example? Then the situation does not require talking but <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-care-and-depression.htm\">self-care<\/a>. Report them to the relevant board they are registered with and move on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #800080;\"><strong>Ready to find the right therapist for you? We connect you with a roster of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/therapists.htm\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\">top London therapists<\/span><\/a> in central offices. Not in the big smoke? Use <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=harleytherapy.co.uk&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\">our booking site<\/span> <\/a>to find a <span style=\"color: #333399;\">registered therapist<\/span> near you, or <span style=\"color: #333399;\"><a style=\"color: #333399;\" href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/therapists?utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=harleytherapy.co.uk&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\">an online therapist<\/a><\/span> you can chat with from anywhere.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em>Want to share your own tip about how to get the most out of therapy? Use the comment box below. Comments are moderated to protect our readers.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-397x400.png\" alt=\"Andrea Blundell\" width=\"125\" height=\"126\" \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><b>Andrea M. Darcy<\/b> is a mental health and wellbeing expert and writer. She also runs a consultancy helping people find their perfect therapy and therapist. Follow her on Instagram for useful life tips <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/am_darcy\/\">@am_darcy<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Starting therapy for the first time? Or been at it awhile, and not sure it\u2019s working? Editor and lead writer Andrea Blundell looks at how to get the most out of therapy. How to get the most out of therapy Therapy is not a walk in the park. It can be [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":117865,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[5311],"tags":[1080,148],"class_list":["post-117863","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-going-to-therapy","tag-going-to-therapy","tag-good-therapist","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.0 (Yoast SEO v27.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Get the Most out of Therapy -12 Key Points - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How to get the most out of therapy? 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