{"id":117897,"date":"2020-01-16T11:00:57","date_gmt":"2020-01-16T11:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=117897"},"modified":"2023-03-12T20:15:37","modified_gmt":"2023-03-12T20:15:37","slug":"adult-peer-pressure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/adult-peer-pressure.htm","title":{"rendered":"Adult Peer Pressure – Still Giving In to Others?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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photo by Elen Aivali<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Every week you promise yourself you won\u2019t<\/strong> stay for that final drink that leaves you feeling sick<\/a> the next morning. You really don’t want to. And yet there you are, saying yes again<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Adult peer pressure is alive and well in your life<\/strong>, as is the guilt<\/a> and self berating that follows close on its heels<\/span>. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

My lizard brain made me do it<\/h2>\n

Constantly giving in to adult peer pressure does have consequences, which we’ll get to. On the other hand<\/strong>, aiming to always stand up for our needs<\/a> and desires is unrealistic when our brains are driven to survive and belong.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The ‘lizard brain’ is the (evidently not official) term for the oldest part of our brain. <\/strong>It brings us such delights as the fight, flight, or freeze response<\/a>, meaning we respond to some work stress<\/a> with the same vigour as we would to a hungry bear descending.<\/p>\n

The lizard brain’s aim is survival. And survival meant being accepted by<\/strong> the tribe, not cast out to said bear. So an occasional ‘yes when we mean no’ can be the result of a primal instinct to avoid being ostracised.<\/p>\n

Social psychology sees our need to belong as an ‘intrinsic motivation’, a behaviour we are driven to do as it feels naturally satisfying. And psychologist Abraham Maslow’s famous , ‘pyramid of needs’, placed belonging<\/a><\/span> as only third to basic physiological needs and safety.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Good peer pressure vs bad peer pressure <\/span><\/h2>\n
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By: wetwebwork<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

If your friends have decided to get practical about<\/strong> money<\/a> and save up, and pressure you to join them, it could be a life change<\/a> in a good way.<\/span><\/p>\n

And if giving in to peer pressure is a tactical choice as it benefits you, it might not be such a bad thing.<\/strong> For example, if you are shy, or introverted<\/a>, going along with others at work, for example, can mean you maintain your privacy. At home and with close friends you might very much speak your mind. <\/span><\/p>\n

Or if you recently experienced a<\/strong> bereavement<\/a> or trauma<\/a>, giving in to peer pressure can mean you save yourself the mental and emotional energy of a confrontation or negative attention. You know who you are and what you want, it\u2019s just that right now is not the time for it. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Adult peer pressure becomes a problem when we are not benefitting from it, but are rather aware that we are knowingly going against ourselves. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

How to know this is you<\/span><\/h2>\n

Sure, you occasionally laugh<\/a> when you don’t find<\/strong> something funny, or agree with something when you deep down don’t. Is it really a big deal?<\/p>\n

A real problem with adult peer pressure won’t be something you can<\/strong> just brush off.\u00a0 Notice next time you say yes or are doing something others asked you to. Do you:<\/p>\n