{"id":118222,"date":"2020-02-27T11:00:37","date_gmt":"2020-02-27T11:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=118222"},"modified":"2023-03-06T12:18:45","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T12:18:45","slug":"overbearing-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/overbearing-parents.htm","title":{"rendered":"Overbearing Parents as an Adult – How to Deal?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"overbearing<\/a>

By: THX0477<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Anne Freier<\/span><\/p>\n

The days where parents would arrange your<\/strong> marriage<\/a> and pick your profession<\/a> are over (for most of us). And yet overbearing parents are on the rise.<\/p>\n

Why is this, and what can you do if you are stuck with parents wanting to micro-manage your adult life?<\/em><\/p>\n

The rise of overbearing parents<\/h3>\n

The modern reasons for overbearing seem economic<\/strong>. For some socioeconomic brackets we see a growing financial dependence<\/a> on parents. For others, there is helicopter parenting<\/a> to contend with — controlling children to ensure said children overcome economic inequalities.<\/p>\n

Financial dependence on parents as young adults<\/h3>\n

If we stay dependent on our parents for longer, they become more involved in our lives.<\/em><\/p>\n

Amid rising housing costs and stagnating wages, an increasing number of young adults are staying at home with their parents rather than move out<\/strong> and start their own household.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A 2019 study found that the share of UK adults aged 20 to 34 living with their parents rose from 19.5% in 1997 to 26% in 2017. (1) <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Obviously, in the UK this trend is most pronounced in <\/strong>high-rent cities like London.<\/p>\n

But it can also be observed in other western countries. The American<\/strong> Census records show that the share of adults between age 25 and 29 living with their parents initially fell from 40% in 1932 to 13% in 1980, but then shot up again to 33% by 2016. (2)<\/p>\n

When you live with your parents, <\/strong>they also tend to cook for you, wash your clothes, and care for you in a myriad other ways.<\/p>\n

But if you remain dependent on your parents, letting them make you dinner every day, or supplement your pay check? They will continue \u2014 whether intentionally or unconsciously<\/a> \u2014 to see you as their \u201cchild\u201d. And with this viewpoint comes continued parental guidance.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Helicopter parenting easily becomes a lifelong habit<\/h3>\n

A trend toward fewer children per family and growing economic inequality in recent decades have<\/strong> encouraged the rise of helicopter parenting<\/a>. (3) This sees parents not only spend more time<\/a>, effort, and money<\/a> to make sure their children get ahead in life, but manage every facet of their children’s lives and set detailed goals<\/a> for them.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Research on the subject has shown that helicopter parenting correlates with higher inequalities of income and education. Egalitarian countries with strong social safety nets, like Sweden or Denmark, do not see a lot of over-parenting, as parents can be much more relaxed about their children\u2019s futures. (4)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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photo by Emile Guillemot<\/p><\/div>\n

An extensive body of research suggests that helicopter parenting can be detrimental<\/strong> to children\u2019s development. It can lead to such thing as academic burnout<\/a> and social anxiety<\/a>, both during childhood and later on in life. (5,6)<\/p>\n

And after years of over-parenting, even when children become <\/strong>young adults? Helicopter parents can find it difficult to break the habit.<\/p>\n

Social media and parental engagement<\/h3>\n

The role of social media<\/a> and 24\/7 communication<\/a> connectivity also deserves a special mention in any talk of over-parenting. <\/em><\/p>\n

In the 1980s, when you went to college<\/a> or started a new job<\/a> in another city, your parents had no idea whom you\u2019d hang out with, or where you\u2019d party.<\/p>\n

Today, thanks to the likes of Facebook<\/a> and WhatsApp, they can stay<\/strong> involved in your life even from hundreds of miles away, know who boyfriend is, and where your friends<\/a> are from.<\/p>\n

When does caring turn into overbearing?<\/h3>\n

The difference between caring and overbearing parenting is somewhat fluid. But overbearing parental behaviour typically starts when parents:<\/p>\n