{"id":118471,"date":"2020-03-31T11:00:16","date_gmt":"2020-03-31T10:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=118471"},"modified":"2022-05-16T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-05-16T11:00:00","slug":"how-to-navigate-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-navigate-conflict.htm","title":{"rendered":"On Each Other\u2019s Nerves? How to Navigate Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"how<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Time to learn how to navigate conflict in your relationships? It’s certainly one of the best things to know to improve our mental health and life.<\/p>\n

10 Ways to navigate conflict<\/h2>\n

Conflict is a healthy part of any relationship when we learn to do it right.\u00a0 Use these tips to get started.<\/p>\n

1. Lower expectations. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Cut yourself and the other person some slack. Particularly if one or both of you is experiencing a life change or challenge, where it\u2019s normal to find ourselves in stress reactions<\/a> and being grumpy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And yes, that means NOT comparing yourself<\/a> to other families, friends, or couples who seem to be doing better, or with perfectly curated social media feeds.<\/a><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

‘Social comparison theory<\/a>‘ in psychology<\/strong> suggests that comparing ourselves is an innate drive in all of us. But we have a tendency to compare upwards<\/em> and see ourselves lacking (a meta-analysis of over sixty years of social comparison research<\/a> found this to be the case).<\/p>\n

In troubles times it is actually more useful to practice ‘downwards<\/em>\u00a0comparison’. Notice that<\/strong> others are doing worse than you if it helps you to feel better.<\/p>\n

2. Don’t jump to big conclusions. <\/span><\/h3>\n

You aren\u2019t getting along with a friend. Or the<\/strong> sex in your partnership has gotten terrible<\/a>. This must mean you aren\u2019t meant to be together\u2026 right?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Not necessarily. Again, it’s important to take in the<\/strong> big picture, and acknowledge if one of you is going through something. This can include something that has triggered \u00a0unresolved trauma<\/a> from childhood, or pre-existing\u00a0 mental health issues.<\/a><\/p>\n

And sometimes it just means you need a little break, not that it’s the end of the relationship. Perhaps you have been spending too much time together, and have forgotten to source your wellbeing from within, by keeping up a balanced life<\/a> and doing things you love.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

3. Discharge. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Conflict happens when we go into conversations \u2018charged\u2019. We are<\/strong> stressed<\/a>, angry<\/a>, or trapped in an assumption<\/a>, and our words come out accusatory<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

So how to navigate conflict better<\/a>? Use tools to help you find calm in advance of <\/strong>mentioning something that is bothered you. This could be journalling<\/a>, mindfulness meditation<\/a>, or doing some physical exercise<\/a> like yoga<\/a> to to calm down.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Also consider discussing your day first, before discussing what is upsetting you. Research by relationship psychologists Gottman and Levenson<\/a><\/span> showed that a ‘reunion conversation’, aka talking about the events of your day, before a ‘conflict discussion’, meant that the conflict was more likely to veer into a positive outcome.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

4. Remember key communication skills. <\/span><\/h3>\n

You know these things already. But you haven\u2019t really being putting them<\/strong> into action. Well now is definitely the time. <\/span><\/p>\n