{"id":119182,"date":"2023-02-07T11:00:38","date_gmt":"2023-02-07T11:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=119182"},"modified":"2023-05-19T14:02:38","modified_gmt":"2023-05-19T13:02:38","slug":"healthy-dating-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/healthy-dating-rules.htm","title":{"rendered":"Healthy Dating Rules – 10 Things to NOT to Let Slide"},"content":{"rendered":"
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photo by Juan Pablo Serrano for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Dating is like building a house. A healthy foundation leads to a house that will weather the storm. An unhealthy base instead tends to instead lead to heartbreak<\/a> and drama<\/a>. So what are the dating rules that can help you avoid the latter?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(Already in a relationship and wondering if it’s a good one? Try our free quiz – “Are you in a healthy relationship,\u00a0 or is it time to worry?<\/a>“).<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Dating rules that NEVER work<\/h2>\n

First of all let’s get clear on one thing. There are a LOT of terrible<\/em> dating rules out there.<\/strong> That are only going to lead to a dishonest<\/a> and exhausting experience and mean you go further and further away from feeling loved<\/a> and loving<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Any relationship rule that encourages you to lie<\/a> or to manipulate<\/a> the other person is never going to lead to love<\/a>, or even to liking yourself<\/a>. All you are doing is diminishing who you are and who the other person is. Is that really\u00a0<\/em>what you want? Or who you want to be?\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Healthy dating rules to always keep<\/h2>\n

Here are ten dating rules to stick to that up instead of diminish your chances of finding a healthy, long lasting relationship<\/a>. That work whether you are online dating or meeting people in person. And for any age, from over fifty to teen dating, and any religion, from Christian dating to Muslim dating. Good rules are universal.<\/p>\n

1. Be honest.<\/span><\/h3>\n

You don\u2019t have to tell someone you just met everything<\/strong> (that\u2019s not necessarily healthy either, see ‘junkie communication’ below). But think twice before lying<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s simply not possible to<\/strong> build a healthy relationship<\/a> on lies. Even more importantly, it\u2019s bad for your self-worth<\/a>. It feeds the message to your unconscious<\/a> that you are not good enough<\/a> just as is.<\/span><\/p>\n

A study at Western University, Canada<\/a><\/span>\u00a0looked at how both men<\/a> and women<\/a> rate photos of potential partners. It found that if they were told in advance the person was honest, they were more likely to see the person as fit, in good health<\/a>, and with a kind<\/a> and attractive face.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

2. Be yourself, the best relationship rule out there.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n
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photo by Uriel Mont for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

Agreeing with things you don\u2019t?\u00a0 Saying you like things you hate?<\/strong> All in the name of being agreeable or making someone like you?<\/p>\n

Pretending to be someone you are not is is an intimacy blocker<\/a>. How can the other person connect<\/a> with you if they are not even aware of who you actually are?<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Nobody is the same all the time. But in general we have<\/strong> core values<\/a> that dictate what we like and don\u2019t — which leads to the next point.<\/p>\n

3. Lead with personal values.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Healthy relationships work not because you share a<\/strong> sense of style or taste in music<\/a>, but because you share personal values<\/a>. You both believe in kindness<\/a>, or freedom. Open-mindedness, or financial stability<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Whatever your values are, they are not going to change any time soon.<\/strong> They are intrinsic to who you are. And dating those who don\u2019t share them just leads to endless conflict<\/a> and misunderstandings.<\/p>\n

4. Going slow is ALWAYS a good dating rule. No matter what excuse you try to tell yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

It takes time to get to know someone. <\/strong>Rushing into things<\/a> is generally false intimacy, including thinking you are \u2018soul mates\u2019. If soulmates did exist, why would they be in a hurry anyway?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Take your time. Listen to and trust your own instincts. Don’t make excuses for someone else at the expense of your own wellbeing<\/a>. Real love<\/a> isn’t in a rush. Ever. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And if someone else is pushing you to rush? They are in no way<\/strong> an ideal partner and are clearly showing you they are needy and controlling<\/a>. Is that what you want in a partner?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Stick to your boundaries.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Any time you are letting someone talk you into doing something you don’t really want to do, you are losing your boundaries. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And the moment you start losing your boundaries<\/a> it’s unlikely to be a good relationship<\/a> as the pattern is set. Either it’s going to be codependent<\/a>, and you have gone into pleasing mode<\/a> and need to get help dealing with that so you are even ready for a healthy relationship<\/a>. Or, you are again dealing with someone controlling<\/a>, who is enjoying pushing you to not listen to or respect your own limits. Never a good sign.<\/p>\n

6. Don\u2019t use someone else.<\/span><\/h3>\n

If you really don\u2019t like someone <\/strong>and know they like you? And are stringing them along to amuse yourself?<\/p>\n

Remember that your actions feed your unconscious<\/a> information about yourself. If you deep down know you are not being the sort of person you want to be? It’s going to lower your self worth<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And the lower your self worth becomes, the less you will see yourself<\/strong> as worthy of love<\/a>. The more your chance of picking partners who aren’t that nice to you. So all the times you tell yourself that ‘it’s okay to use\u00a0 people for fun and sex, I am just having fun’? They aren’t without a price like you thought.<\/p>\n

7. Watch out for \u201cjunkie\u201d communication.<\/span><\/h3>\n
\"relationship

By: Quote Catalog<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Started texting someone from a dating site non stop? Telling them increasingly intimate<\/strong> details of your life? Or even things that you don\u2019t tell friends<\/a>?<\/p>\n

It can be easier to ‘spill our guts’ to someone we haven’t <\/strong>met, and can temporarily ease loneliness<\/a>. But it also backfires. You can be left feeling vulnerable if it goes too far. Or, if the other person back off, left feeling rejected<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And if you are allowing the endless communication to get in the <\/strong>way of work,\u00a0self care<\/a> like sleep hygiene<\/a> and exercise<\/a>, or maintaining your friendships? It\u2019s become addictive<\/a> and it’s time to take the issue seriously.<\/p>\n

8. Don\u2019t have ridiculous expectations.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Upset as he or she didn\u2019t text back as an entire hour has passed? Or that they still have their online profile up when they claim they like you?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unrealistic expectations<\/a> like these are more about you than them.<\/p>\n

If you want to have expectations of someone, then aim for<\/strong> positive over negative ones. Expect that they are doing the best that they can. That they have a busy life but will have valid reasons when they don’t reach out immediately.<\/span><\/p>\n

A large-scale research overview on studies about expectations and relationships<\/span><\/a> found that positive expectations, as long as they were realistic<\/span>, could lead to better and longer-lasting relationships.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

9. Don’t give in to the patterns you overcame.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Old dating habits can be like zombies. We thought they were dead and long buried, then we get a bit bored. And suddenly those old habits are rising from the dead. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Look out for these typical dating bad habits<\/strong> like:<\/p>\n