{"id":119309,"date":"2020-06-04T11:00:08","date_gmt":"2020-06-04T10:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=119309"},"modified":"2023-03-09T18:18:06","modified_gmt":"2023-03-09T18:18:06","slug":"staying-friends-with-an-ex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/staying-friends-with-an-ex.htm","title":{"rendered":"Considering Staying Friends With an Ex? Ask These Questions First"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"friendsby Andrea M. Darcy<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a loaded question that can cause mental spirals. \u201cShould I stay friends with an ex?\u201d.<\/p>\n

And research suggests if we do decide to try it, we aren’t in for an easy ride.<\/p>\n

A study from the University of Connecticut<\/span><\/a> looking at cross-sex friendships found that if you were once romantically involved, your friendship is far more likely to have negative qualities than if you were only ever platonic friends. It’s also likely to still contain romantic feelings<\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Questions to ask before considering being friends with an ex<\/h2>\n

Given that being friends with an ex is a challenge, what questions should you consider first?<\/p>\n

1.What does ‘being friends with an ex’ even mean to you?<\/span><\/h3>\n

\u2018Friends\u2019 is a wide concept. And your version of friends might be far from your ex partner’s version. It\u2019s often this lack of clarity that causes confusion in the future.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If your version of friends means an occasional game of tennis and<\/strong> drinks in a group, it\u2019s a far cry from someone else’s version which means texting each other daily and sharing all your secrets<\/a>.<\/p>\n

2. Do you truthfully want<\/em> to be friends?<\/span><\/h3>\n

Broke up with them, and feel like you \u2018should\u2019 stay friends to be \u2018nice\u2019?<\/strong> There is nothing nice about doing things out of guilt<\/a>. The nicest thing to do here is to make a clean break.<\/p>\n

Feel you have to be friends so your ex doesn’t get upset?<\/strong> Then you might have been in a relationship with codependency or even coercive control.<\/p>\n

An unhealthy relationship<\/span><\/a> does not lead to a healthy friendship<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

*If a relationship was in any way abusive, and you are scared to cut them out, seek proper support. A good start can be calling a confidential helpline<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

3. What are your intentions, really?<\/span><\/h3>\n

If there is one thing you really need when considering being friends with an ex? It\u2019s a huge dose of honesty with yourself.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If your intentions are purely practical \u2014 If you <\/strong>share kids<\/a>, or work together? The hallmarks of friendship, such as trust<\/a> and openness, become indispensable for things to go smoothly, and are worth investing in.<\/p>\n

Or deep down, is there something else you want?<\/strong> Like:<\/p>\n