{"id":119554,"date":"2020-06-23T11:00:28","date_gmt":"2020-06-23T10:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=119554"},"modified":"2023-03-06T08:39:23","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T08:39:23","slug":"why-does-love-hurt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-does-love-hurt.htm","title":{"rendered":"Why Does Love Hurt? And How to Make it Stop"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"why

photo by milada vigerova<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Just out of a relationship, or love someone who doesn\u2019t love you back<\/a>? And can\u2019t keep wondering, why does love hurt?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does love hurt?<\/h2>\n

Feeling ‘in emotional pain’ isn’t just you being dramatic.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

Researchers have discovered that your brain processes emotional upset with the same brain circuitry that processes physical injury<\/a>. Social psychologist Naomi Eisenberger <\/span>\u00a0calls this ‘the physical-social pain overlap’.<\/p>\n

It’s uncertain how our emotional pain ‘piggybacked’ onto the part of our brain <\/strong>that deals with physical pain.\u00a0 In a review of current research around this subject<\/a>, Eisenberg suggests that it is because in our tribal days we needed to be part of a group to survive. So our brain evolved to give us warnings if things weren\u2019t going so well socially<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Is heartbreak worse than breaking a leg?<\/h2>\n

In fact our ability to constantly relive pain from social experiences might mean<\/strong> that we end up with more<\/em> pain from things like breakups<\/a> or rejection<\/a> than if we actually had a physical injury<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Research from Purdue University in America<\/a> found that between an equally painful past physical injury and a past betrayal<\/a>, participants in a study were far more able to still feel intense pain over the betrayal than the injury.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Love and physical illness<\/h2>\n

Anxiety<\/a> and emotional distress<\/a> not only leave us disorientated, they can and do cause physical symptoms<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Anxiety<\/a> can cause things like<\/strong> muscle tension<\/a>, an upset stomach, headaches, and a racing heart. <\/span><\/p>\n

And a\u00a0rare heart condition caused by acute emotional distress<\/strong>, stress cardiomyopathy, is also nicknamed by researchers \u2018broken heart syndrome\u2019<\/a>. The heart muscle develops a weakness that mimics a classic heart attack, with a surge of adrenalin and other stress hormones<\/span><\/p>\n

\"why

photo by: Sydney Sims<\/p><\/div>\n

temporarily \u2018stunning\u2019 the heart. <\/span><\/p>\n

Most people make a quick recovery without<\/strong> permanent side effects. But in rare cases, it can be fatal, giving all new meaning to the idea of ‘dying of a broken heart’.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it really love that hurts?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

Yes, emotional pain is as much pain to our brains as a physical injury<\/a>. <\/strong>But is that emotional pain you are experiencing really ‘love’<\/a>? \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

From a psychology perspective,\u00a0 <\/span>a loving relationship<\/span><\/a> is a safe space to be accepted and encouraged, even as you accept and encourage in return. If that doesn’t ring a bell, then it might not be love at all, but lust<\/span>, codependency<\/span><\/a>, or love addiction<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n