{"id":119630,"date":"2020-06-30T11:00:11","date_gmt":"2020-06-30T10:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=119630"},"modified":"2023-01-06T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2023-01-06T12:00:00","slug":"lying-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/lying-in-relationships.htm","title":{"rendered":"Lying in Relationships – Is it Really a Big Deal?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"lying

photo by: Taras Chernus<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

How serious is lying in relationships<\/strong> – are you overreacting<\/a>? And why do you keep attracting liars?<\/p>\n

Do we all lie?<\/h3>\n

An oft-quoted American study<\/a> on how often we lie a day<\/strong> came in at between once to twice (1.65 times, to be exact).<\/p>\n

It\u2019s true that lying is part of <\/strong>the human experience. We begin lying between ages two to five, when we are establishing and testing our independence. And researchers believe<\/a> lying emerged not long after we created language, designed to give us an advantage for resources and mates.<\/p>\n

So yes, we lie for social acceptance and survival. <\/strong>We say a friend\u2019<\/a>s outfit doesn\u2019t make them look fat when it really does. Or that we love what our host cooked for dinner when it is terrible.<\/p>\n

But isn\u2019t lying in relationships different?<\/h3>\n

Using the excuse that \u201cwe all lie\u201d to compensate for constantly<\/strong> deceiving a partner is simply manipulation<\/a>.<\/p>\n

When we lie to a partner, it\u2019s a different playing field than our<\/strong> white lies to strangers and friends<\/a>. Intimacy<\/a> is involved. We are breaking a stronger level of trust<\/a> and confidence.<\/p>\n

Also note that those same researchers who came up with the 1.65 times a day statistic? They felt the result was skewed by several people who lied a lot, raising the average. \u201cOn any given day, the majority of lies are told by a small portion of the population, and nearly 6 out of 10 Americans claim to have told no lies at all,\u201d they clarified in the conclusion to the study<\/span>.<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The different types of lies<\/h3>\n

What is and isn\u2019t lying, though?<\/strong> As partners can<\/strong> certainly have a different definition.<\/p>\n

Ellen Bader and Peter Pearson, experts on couples therapy and authors of<\/strong> the book Tell Me No Lies<\/em>,<\/a> see the different kinds of lies as follows:<\/p>\n