{"id":121001,"date":"2020-11-17T11:00:01","date_gmt":"2020-11-17T11:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=121001"},"modified":"2023-03-08T11:46:35","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T11:46:35","slug":"energy-vampires","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/energy-vampires.htm","title":{"rendered":"Do “Energy Vampires” Really Exist? The Real Danger You Need to Know"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"energy

photo by Oscar Keys<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Are ‘energy vampires’ really a thing, from the<\/strong> point of view of psychotherapy<\/a>? And is the term helpful, or is it possibly dangerous? <\/span><\/p>\n

What is an \u2018energy vampire?<\/span><\/h2>\n

An \u2018energy vampire\u2019 or \u2018emotional vampire\u2019 isn\u2019t, evidently, a clinical term or a diagnosis<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s instead a modern shorthand for someone who leaves you feeling drained and takes but doesn\u2019t give much, if anything, in return. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s certainly a term that has enjoyed popularity, and can be connected to the other popular tendency to label everyone we don\u2019t like a \u2018narcissist<\/a>\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n

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There is something very satisfying in deciding someone is a narcissist or a vampire. We feel lighter, safer, resolved. Of course we do. Suddenly it\u2019s all about them and nothing to do with us. But is it?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The real danger of emotional vampires <\/span><\/h2>\n

Yes, sometimes someone does a number on us.<\/strong> It happens. Ideally, we learn and move on. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But what if it keeps happening to you? And if your first thought every time a<\/strong> relationship leaves you tired<\/a> is, “Ha! They are an energy vampire”?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The real danger of a strong belief in energy vampires is that you can use it to blind yourself to yourself.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If you never see your part, if you always make the other \u2018bad\u2019 and yourself \u2018good\u2019, then you are<\/span><\/strong> claiming<\/strong> the victim mentality<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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\"energy

By: wonderferret<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

And the more you are in the victim mentality, the more negatively you will view others, in a self perpetuating cycle. Researchers Rahav Gabay et al. discovered<\/span><\/a> that if you have made victimisation a central part of your identity, you will not only over focus on what has been done against you, you will develop ‘moral elitism’, believing you know better than others. You will also, rather ironically, develop “a lack of empathy and attentiveness to the suffering of other individuals”.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

But aren\u2019t there selfish people in the world? <\/span><\/h2>\n

We all, at some point, in one way or another, take more than we give. We are<\/strong> unconsciously or even consciously selfish<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

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And yes, some people do have less interest in being a good human than others.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Other people have <\/strong>personality disorders<\/a>, which means they see and experience the world differently than normal. This often includes not understanding social rules and boundaries.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So how can I be responsible for selfish people?
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You aren\u2019t. But you are, as an adult, free to makes choices.<\/strong> You choose who you spend time with.<\/strong> You can choose to learn from the first time someone uses you and leave you drained, and not let it happen again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the case of things like <\/strong>colleagues<\/a> or bosses<\/a> where you must know someone, you still decide how much energy you give the other person and, again, what boundaries you do and don\u2019t set. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Of course some of us have unhealthy psychological patterns ourselves, that mean we really struggle to set boundaries. Saying no causes immense fear for us. We might blame it on being ‘sensitive’ or an ’empath’, but this can hide a codependent need to feed into others’ wants and needs to feel valued. Like a plug to a socket, giver to taker, we have the matching issues that leave us entangled.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And in this case what you can choose is to seek support<\/strong> to identify where in childhood these patterns developed, how to overcome them, and\u00a0 how to boundary set.<\/p>\n

\"emotional

By: Karen<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Ask yourself these important questions<\/h2>\n

If your life is an endless entanglement with one \u2018energy vampire\u2019 after another<\/strong>, it might be time to take a good hard look at your choices and ask some brave questions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n