{"id":121327,"date":"2021-01-05T11:00:25","date_gmt":"2021-01-05T11:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=121327"},"modified":"2023-03-15T16:20:31","modified_gmt":"2023-03-15T16:20:31","slug":"how-to-have-more-energy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-have-more-energy.htm","title":{"rendered":"How to Have More Energy This Year"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"how

Photo by: Clay Banks<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Exhausted by the world<\/a> lately?\u00a0 \u00a0Wish you knew how to have more energy this year?<\/p>\n

How to have more energy<\/h2>\n

We all know about sleep,<\/a> exercise<\/a>, and eating well<\/a>. And about yoga<\/a>, and deep breathing<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But feeling tired also has a psychological aspect, where we feel ‘drained’ by life<\/a>. How can you make sure this doesn’t happen for you this year?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

1. Get crystal clear on your values<\/span>.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Why is it we can feel the most exhausted<\/a> on days we don’t even do much? But when we have a day packed with things we love, we lose track of time and feel on an energetic ‘high’? <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s not activities that fatigue us most of the time.<\/strong> It\u2019s lack of purpose<\/a> and feeling lost. We need to get clear on our personal values<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Values are the things that matter to you no matter what<\/em>.<\/strong> Not what matters to your family<\/a>, or your friends<\/a>, or even your partner, but you. Is it freedom, or stability? Creativity<\/a> or order? Honesty<\/a> or excitement?<\/p>\n

When we get crystal clear on our values, then stop doing what doesn’t align and start doing what does<\/strong>, we suddenly feel alive even under stress<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you suddenly won the lottery, what would you do with your life? Or if you were told you had a year left to live? And what can these activities you come up with teach you about what matters to you? How does or doesn’t your current life match?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

2. Learn the magic word.<\/span><\/h3>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter how small the favour or activity is. From<\/strong> going to see a theatre show you have no interest in, to talking on the phone to a person you don\u2019t enjoy, if you don\u2019t want to do it, you will feel drained. And if you just say no? It’s one of the fastest secrets around how to have more energy.<\/p>\n

And yet many of us<\/strong> experience very real terror<\/strong> at the thought of saying that magic word — no<\/a>. We are scared to \u2018let others down<\/a>\u2019, not realising that instead we constantly let ourselves down.<\/p>\n

\"how

photo by Jon Tyson<\/p><\/div>\n

The trick to saying no is to only say no, without justification the other person can leverage. And to simply keep saying it until the other person gets it and the conversation moves on. No, sorry, I can\u2019t. I\u2019m not available to to do that. No, sorry. Not for me I\u2019m afraid. Start by saying no to little things, and work your way up.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

3. Work at boundaries.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Boundaries<\/a> mean letting people know exactly what you do and don\u2019t accept into your life. If you don\u2019t like waiting around, for example, let all your friends know that you now have a 15-minute grace period for latecomers but after that you leave. And then actually act on the decision, or nobody will take you seriously.<\/p>\n

What areas of your life need boundaries? What would those boundaries look like? How could you communicate<\/a> those boundaries in a firm but friendly way?<\/em><\/p>\n

4. Stop feeling so let down.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Another great energy monster is always <\/strong>feeling let down by others<\/a>. All that frustration, all those tears<\/a>, it\u2019s hardly invigorating.<\/p>\n

But the reason we are let down in the first place is that we tend to <\/strong>have too many expectations of others<\/a>. And we expect things the other person will never live up to. As the old proverb goes, \u201cyou can\u2019t get blood out of a stone\u2019.<\/p>\n

Make a list of the three people who let you down the most. Under their names, write down all the expectations you have of them, from putting down that darned toilet seat to changing their career<\/a> or never lying<\/a>. Now try to cross out all but three things for each person. How much easier would it be to expect less? If you can\u2019t cross out any expectations, is this really a person who should be in your life if you can\u2019t accept them as they are<\/a>?<\/em><\/p>\n

5. Be more authentic.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Another thing that takes a ton of energy? Acting. Always being what you think other people want instead of who you really are.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Of course this dynamic tends to be fairly ingrained, often coming from childhood.\u00a0<\/strong> And to be more authentic<\/a> becomes a journey. But the more we can step into behaviours that represent our true feelings<\/a>, the less fatiguing life becomes.<\/p>\n

What do you actually think and feel<\/a>, if nobody else cared or would be offended? Start asking yourself that with each situation you find yourself in. And take up mindfulness<\/a>, a daily habit that over time helps you be fully in the present<\/a>,\u00a0 and less caught up in anxiety<\/a> and self criticism<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

A study on the effect of mindfulness based meditation on a group of nurses<\/span> <\/a>found they reported feeling less fatigued by activities that needed their attention when they had a mindfulness practise. [1]<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

6. Connect more deeply.<\/span><\/h3>\n

We speak to someone we don’t know well, and we feel drained. We speak to a friend, and we feel energised. What’s the difference?<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"how

photo by: Bence Halmosi<\/p><\/div>\n

It comes down to true connection. <\/strong>Connection<\/a> means we can relax into being fully ourselves around someone.<\/p>\n

Of course you have to be willing to<\/strong> create a safe space for them to be who they really are, too.<\/p>\n

Are you always criticising others<\/a> in your head? Make a list of all the things that drive you crazy about the people in your life. For each item, ask yourself, is there any chance this is something I do myself? Am I actually criticising myself<\/a>? How could I be more compassionate to myself<\/a>, so that I can be more compassionate<\/a> and connected with others?<\/em><\/p>\n

Depression leaves us fatigued, but connection can halt depression. A study on men and depression<\/a> found that even belonging to only one social group lowered the risk of another bout of depression by 24 per cent. When subjects joined three groups, the risk was a substantial 67% less. [2]<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

7. Lower the soundtrack.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Often we aren\u2019t even aware of just how negative and fast our ‘inner soundtrack’,<\/strong> our overthinking<\/a>, even is. We just know we are miserable and tired.<\/p>\n

Mindfulness<\/a> is a crucial tool here. It takes commitment, but it helps you hear and then detach from unhelpful thoughts<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Once you start to catch your thoughts, the trick to stopping them is to challenge them.<\/strong> Is the thought as true as you have been wanting to believe? What\u2019s a more realistic thought? (Use CBT therapy\u2019s \u2018thought charts\u2019<\/a> for help here).<\/p>\n

Or try doing \u2018brain dumps\u2019 on days you can feel you are overthinking. Take paper and start writing anything that comes<\/a>, as fast as you can, without worrying if it\u2019s \u2018bad\u2019 or how messy your writing is, then rip it up afterwards (if you are worried someone will find it, you\u2019ll never relax and get things out). Write until you feel \u2018done\u2019.<\/em><\/p>\n

8. Face your bad habits.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Let\u2019s be really, really honest here. Do you have a habit<\/a> that is draining your energy that you have spent years pretending, even to yourself, that you don\u2019t? <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That \u2018one glass of wine<\/a>\u2019 a night that is far too often three? The all night Netflix bingeing<\/strong> only for you to tell your colleagues<\/a> you were up all night working? Or that casual relationship<\/a> you don\u2019t tell your friends<\/a> about as you know the other person is bad for you<\/a>? Not only do bad habits<\/a> drain us, so does secrecy<\/a> and leading a double life.<\/p>\n

What steps can you take to deal with that habit? Is there a self-help book to get and read, a support group or forum to join? Is it time to finally get some counselling<\/a>?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

9. Stop trying to fix it all yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

If there is one thing that top performers recommend as their secret to success? It’s<\/strong> delegating<\/a>. The moment we stop thinking we are the only ones who can do things right is the moment we free up our energy to step forward.<\/p>\n

And our mental health is one area we sometimes need to delegate.<\/strong> Trying to navigate depression, anxiety<\/a>, or a personality disorder<\/a> alone is a full-time job. No wonder we are tired. Therapy<\/a> not only helps us navigate such things better, and means you aren’t doing it alone, it can, in the long run, brings back your natural energy levels.<\/p>\n

Time to seek support and stop letting life bleed you dry? We connect you with some of London’s most highly regarded psychotherapists and counselling psychologists<\/span><\/a>. Or find a UK-wide registered therapist<\/span><\/a> on our booking site<\/span><\/a>, along with online counselling<\/span> <\/a>you can book from any country.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy<\/a> is a mental health and wellbeing expert and writer.\u00a0She specialises in writing about relationships and childhood trauma.\u00a0Follow her on Instagram for useful life tips @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

FOOTNOTES<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

[1] Wong KF, Teng J, Chee MWL, Doshi K, Lim J. Positive Effects of Mindfulness-Based Training on Energy Maintenance and the EEG Correlates of Sustained Attention in a Cohort of Nurses. Front Hum Neurosci<\/i>. 2018;12:80. Published 2018 Mar 1. doi:10.3389\/fnhum.2018.00080.<\/span><\/p>\n

[2] Cruwys T, Dingle GA, Haslam C, Haslam SA, Jetten J, Morton TA. Social group memberships protect against future depression, alleviate depression symptoms and prevent depression relapse. Soc Sci Med. 2013 Dec;98:179-86. doi: 10.1016\/j.socscimed.2013.09.013. Epub 2013 Sep 25. PMID: 24331897.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":3,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy Exhausted by the world lately?\u00a0 \u00a0Wish you knew how to have more energy this year? How to have more energy We all know about sleep, exercise, and eating well. And about yoga, and deep breathing. But feeling tired also has a psychological aspect, where we feel ‘drained’ by life. How can…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=121327"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121327\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138304,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121327\/revisions\/138304"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/121328"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=121327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=121327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=121327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}