{"id":121395,"date":"2021-01-12T11:00:47","date_gmt":"2021-01-12T11:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=121395"},"modified":"2021-02-02T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2021-02-02T12:00:00","slug":"why-do-i-always-have-bad-luck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-always-have-bad-luck.htm","title":{"rendered":"\u201cWhy do I Always Have Bad Luck\u201d? (Sometimes It Might Be You)"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_121396\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/4975552707_2f7394569f-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-121396\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-121396\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/4975552707_2f7394569f-1-400x250.jpg\" alt=\"bad luck\" width=\"400\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/4975552707_2f7394569f-1-400x250.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/4975552707_2f7394569f-1.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-121396\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">BBy: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/53328988@N05\/4975552707\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Bede Jackson<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">By Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Always have bad luck compared to everyone around you? Feel like you were born under<\/strong> a bad star? And spend your life telling everyone who will listen one unbelievable story after another?<\/p>\n<p><em>Why is it you are always the unlucky one? You might have more control over this than you think.<\/em><\/p>\n<h2>Bad things, good people?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Yes, sometimes life throws curve balls. Tough ones. People do get into<\/strong> accidents, or get sick, or are victims of crime or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-childhood-trauma.htm\">childhood trauma<\/a>. We <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/loss-of-a-loved-one.htm\">lose loved ones<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/unemployment-improving-self-esteem.htm\">lose jobs<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Life is not easy or perfect. But difficulties help us learn and grow.<\/strong> We<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-resilience.htm\"> develop resilienc<\/a>y and gain <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/personal-values-know-yours.htm\">clarity on what we value<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">But if your luck is sour almost daily, or at the very least weekly? And there is a pattern to it? If it\u2019s always, say, you that people let down, or you that gets lied to, or who constantly ends up with partners who aren\u2019t what they seem?<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>It might be that you are the driving force behind many of your<\/strong> difficult experiences, not just life being life.<\/p>\n<h2>How are you creating your own bad luck?<\/h2>\n<p><em>How is it possible you are choosing bad things? Let&#8217;s look at how it works. <\/em><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">1. You don\u2019t believe you deserve good things.<\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_121400\" style=\"width: 275px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-121400\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-121400\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/philipp-meiners-wMAhIDGlGhs-unsplash-265x400.jpg\" alt=\"bad luck\" width=\"265\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/philipp-meiners-wMAhIDGlGhs-unsplash-265x400.jpg 265w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/philipp-meiners-wMAhIDGlGhs-unsplash-398x600.jpg 398w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/philipp-meiners-wMAhIDGlGhs-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 265px) 100vw, 265px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-121400\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by Philipp Meiners<\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>Our conscious thoughts are rarely what really drives the show. Sure, they get us<\/strong> from A to B. But it&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-the-unconscious-mind.htm\">unconscious thinking<\/a> that has the upper hand.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">Our unconscious hides a belief system we&#8217;ve been developing since childhood. We tend to make decisions to prove the strongest of these beliefs, called \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/examples-of-core-beliefs.htm\">core beliefs<\/a>\u2019, as true.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>If you grew up with support and unconditional love<\/strong>, you core belief might be, \u201cI deserve good things.\u201d You probably veer towards nice things naturally.<\/p>\n<p><strong>If, on the other hand, you<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/attachment-styles.htm\">didn\u2019t get that unconditional acceptance and love<\/a>? Or you experienced things like neglect or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-can-i-remember-childhood-trauma-abuse.htm\">trauma<\/a>? You might have what\u2019s called \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-change-your-core-beliefs.htm\">limiting beliefs<\/a>\u2019. These can look like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-worth.htm\">I am not worthy<\/a><\/li>\n<li>there is something wrong with me<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-so-unloveable.htm\">I am unloveable<\/a><\/li>\n<li>I am flawed<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/something-bad-is-going-to-happen.htm\">Only bad things happen<\/a> to me<\/li>\n<li>I deserve bad things.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">2. So you make one bad decision after another.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>Core beliefs can &#8216;blind&#8217; us to opportunities, as we unconsciously<\/strong> choose the wrong things again and again or make life difficult, then we call it &#8216;bad luck&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p><strong>You will take<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/my-job-is-killing-me-losing-the-will-to-live.htm\">a job you don\u2019t really like<\/a>, telling yourself \u2018it will be fine\u2019, only to be terribly unhappy and say \u201cI had no idea it would be so boring, it\u2019s just bad luck\u2019. But you knew in the interview it sounded boring.<\/p>\n<p><strong>You\u2019ll meet someone who makes you nervous but keep dating them. And later claim<\/strong> \u2018they seemed so nice but who knew they were horrible or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-a-narcissist.htm\">a narcissist<\/a> or something, I am so unlucky&#8217;. And yet&#8230; on that very first date, if you are honest with yourself, you were uncomfortable with them.\u00a0 But ignored it.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">Don&#8217;t believe your unconscious mind is really that powerful? Experimental psychologist Richard Wiseman spent <a href=\"http:\/\/richardwiseman.com\/resources\/The_Luck_Factor.pdf\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">ten years studying &#8220;the Luck Factor&#8221;<\/span><\/a>. In one experiment, he gave people a newspaper, asking them to count the photos inside. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">Those who felt they were lucky types were done in seconds, spotting a<\/span><span style=\"color: #333399;\"> clear message two inches high on the second page of the paper, \u201cStop counting \u2013 There are 43 photographs in this newspaper.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">Those who felt they were unlucky? Missed the message and kept counting. And it gets worse. There was also a second large message half way through the newspaper that read, \u201cStop counting, tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $250.\u201d Their minds tended to overlook both messages.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">3. You are addicted to suffering and uncomfortable with joy.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_121412\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-121412\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-121412\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ahmad-gunnaivi-OupUvbC_TEY-unsplash-400x267.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ahmad-gunnaivi-OupUvbC_TEY-unsplash-400x267.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ahmad-gunnaivi-OupUvbC_TEY-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ahmad-gunnaivi-OupUvbC_TEY-unsplash-500x333.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/ahmad-gunnaivi-OupUvbC_TEY-unsplash-180x120.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-121412\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by: Ahmad Gunnaivi<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><strong>Here\u2019s the funny thing about<\/strong> pain and misery. It\u2019s terribly addictive. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #666699;\">If we grew up in a household that was unstable, with a miserable parent or parents, or where we were constantly put through emotional or physical pain? Misery can actually be our comfort zone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><strong>We secretly are suspicious of<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-happiness-really.htm\">happiness<\/a> or good luck. So again, we unconsciously veer towards the opposite, like <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.htm\">messy relationships<\/a> and hard situations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">4. You are doing the same things again and again.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>You are always going on about how unlucky you are. It\u2019s even the little things.<\/p>\n<p><em>Every time you go to the grocery store, for example, you miss the markdowns you friend always get. (But you keep <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/need-more-time.htm\">losing track of time <\/a>and going late). Even the homeless man on the street yells at you (but you keep giving him dirty looks). And you can\u2019t explain why you are so <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/money-stress.htm\">unlucky with money<\/a>. Every month it runs out (but you\u2019ve still never sat down and made a budget despite three friends telling you to).<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>You see how it works? We blame it on luck, when really we are<\/strong> stubbornly sticking to our rut and we don\u2019t actually want to change.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">Because here&#8217;s the clincher &#8212; change requires hard work. And commitment. And discomfort. Learning new things, making mistakes. Blaming it on bad luck is easier.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">5. You surround yourself with people who increase your misery.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_121414\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/23598967240_83f6bc5e7e.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-121414\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-121414\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/23598967240_83f6bc5e7e-400x225.jpg\" alt=\"bad luck\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/23598967240_83f6bc5e7e-400x225.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/23598967240_83f6bc5e7e.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-121414\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/billward\/23598967240\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Bill Ward<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>There is a joke going around that \u2018you aren\u2019t depressed, you are just hanging around idiots\u2019.<\/strong> In one way it\u2019s not a very funny joke. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/quiz-stressed-or-depressed\">Depression is a very real debilitating illness.<\/a>\u00a0If you are a sufferer, it can strike out of the blue and very little can seem to budge it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>On the other hand, there is something true about how influenced we are<\/strong> by those we surround ourselves by. Misery is rather contagious.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/connecting-with-people.htm\">Healthy connection<\/a><strong>, on the other hand \u2014 where we feel relaxed and able to<\/strong> be totally ourselves, and accepted for that \u2014 not only lowers depression but <a href=\"https:\/\/journals.plos.org\/plosmedicine\/article?id=10.1371\/journal.pmed.1000316\">is shown by research to increase our health and longevity<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">6. You have formed your identity around being a victim.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>This can be a tough one to admit to. After all, you did experience a<\/strong> trauma. You are a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/live-life-like-victim-12-ways-tell.htm\">victim<\/a>. You deserve everyone\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/sympathy-and-empathy.htm\">sympathy<\/a>!<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">But when did the trauma happen? What have you actively done to take care of yourself and heal from it ever since? Have you worked to heal? Or did you, somewhere along the line, get a bit too used to the sympathy talking about it gets you? And start to create your whole identity around <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/victim-mentality.htm\">the victim mentality<\/a>? Constantly choosing new mini traumas to maintain your pipeline to other&#8217;s sympathy?\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Feel that this idea is simply unfair? That your trauma is worse than everyone else&#8217;s? Viktor Frankl was a psychotherapist who<\/strong> suffered through the worst atrocities humankind has seen, that of a concentration camp. He survived and wrote a famous book, &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning\">Man&#8217;s Search For Meaning<\/a>&#8220;, in which he wrote:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">\u201cWe who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms &#8212; to choose one&#8217;s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one&#8217;s own way.<\/span>\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">7. You haven&#8217;t spent time seeking meaning and purpose.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>We aren&#8217;t all necessarily here to have one big clear<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/finding-your-purpose-anxiety.htm\"> life purpose<\/a> we go after. But we are all absolutely capable of taking the time to weave purpose and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/existential-therapy-right-fit.htm\">meaning<\/a> into all areas of our life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Frankl attributed the fact that he got through life in a concentration camp without the broken spirit<\/strong> seen in other survivors to refusing to give up seeking meaning.\u00a0&#8220;\u201cIn some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice,\u201d he wrote.<\/p>\n<h3>But I can\u2019t just choose to be lucky<\/h3>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Back to that ten year study on luck. It proved that actually, you can indeed choose to be lucky. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>The research concluded that &#8216;lucky people&#8217; actually generated their good fortune because of four basic principals:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>creating and noticing chance opportunities<\/li>\n<li>listening to their intuition<\/li>\n<li>creating self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations<\/li>\n<li>adopt a<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychological-flexibility.htm\"> resilient attitude<\/a> that transforms bad luck into good.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Yes, pain, victimhood, unhealthy relationships, and misery are addictive. They can be a comfort zone. It can take real effort<\/strong> to move on, to learn positive ways of seeing and being, and can often involve a commitment to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/coaching-and-counselling.htm\">therapy or coaching<\/a>. But to again quote Viktor Frankl:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">\u201cForces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Are you sick of your &#8216;bad luck&#8217; and ready to turn it around? We link you to a team of highly regarded <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/therapists.htm\">London-based therapists<\/a>. Or use our <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\">booking platform<\/a> to source <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\">UK-wide therapists<\/a> and<a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\"> online counselling<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-117271\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-397x400.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy\" width=\"170\" height=\"171\" \/><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amdarcy.com\/\"><strong>Andrea M. Darcy<\/strong><\/a> is a the lead writer of this site. With some training in person-centred therapy and coaching, she has penned thousands of mental health articles.<\/span> <span style=\"color: #333399;\">Find her on <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/AndreaMDarcy\">Twitter<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/amdarcy\/\">Linkedin<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Andrea M. Darcy Always have bad luck compared to everyone around you? Feel like you were born under a bad star? And spend your life telling everyone who will listen one unbelievable story after another? Why is it you are always the unlucky one? You might have more control over this than you think. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":121396,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[3948,21,125],"tags":[394,3,375,378],"class_list":["post-121395","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-abuse-and-trauma","category-anxiety-and-stress","category-self-esteem","tag-abuse","tag-anxiety","tag-childhood-trauma","tag-depression","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.0 (Yoast SEO v27.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>\u201cWhy do I Always Have Bad Luck\u201d? (Sometimes It Might Be You) - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sure your life is a mess because of bad luck? 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":27,"uagb_excerpt":"By Andrea M. Darcy Always have bad luck compared to everyone around you? Feel like you were born under a bad star? And spend your life telling everyone who will listen one unbelievable story after another? Why is it you are always the unlucky one? 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