{"id":121602,"date":"2021-02-09T11:00:18","date_gmt":"2021-02-09T11:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=121602"},"modified":"2023-03-02T17:24:25","modified_gmt":"2023-03-02T17:24:25","slug":"depression-and-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/depression-and-relationships.htm","title":{"rendered":"Depression and Relationships – 10 Ways One Affects the Other"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"depression

photo by Kulli Kittus<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Acting differently with your partner and can’t stop? Or dating someone who is not themselves lately, and wonder if it is depression<\/a>? What is it you need to know about depression and relationships?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Depressed, or sad?<\/span><\/h3>\n

We all feel low at times. But sadness and depression<\/a> are not the same. <\/span><\/p>\n

Depression can of course involve sadness. But<\/strong> when we are sad, we generally know why. And we often feel okay talking about it with people close to us. Eventually, the sadness passes, or we find a solution for its root cause. <\/span><\/p>\n

Depression, on the other hand, tends to come with a layer of<\/strong> shame<\/a>. We have dark, uncomfortable thoughts<\/a> about ourselves and the world, that can see us hiding from others. And we can often not know why we feel the way we do. We can\u2019t seem to get out from under our mood, and it goes on and on, for a few months or more.<\/span><\/p>\n

The depression and relationships link<\/span><\/h3>\n

A study that asked 135 couples how they felt depression<\/span><\/a> affected their relationships found eight core effects. These were a negative toll on emotions, romance and sexual intimacy, and communication. Then isolation, lack of energy and motivation, lack of understanding, a sense of uncertainty, and a dependency on the relationship.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What might this look like within your relationship?<\/span><\/p>\n

1.You suddenly aren\u2019t enjoying the activities you usually do with your partner. <\/span><\/h4>\n

You and your partner have always loved a weekly day out in nature hiking<\/a>, or a night in cooking together. But suddenly it all just feels exhausting. You can\u2019t be bothered. It\u2019s like nothing seems fun anymore, and you just want to sit around and do nothing. <\/span><\/p>\n

2. And that includes sex. <\/span><\/h4>\n
\"depression

photo by: Claudia Wolff<\/p><\/div>\n

Your sex drive has gone on vacation. You just don\u2019t want to. Or you feel unattractive and horrible inside, and like your partner shouldn\u2019t want to touch you anyway when you are so repulsive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Your partner is exhausting you. <\/span><\/h4>\n

You aren\u2019t sure how you ever kept up with all their talking and excitement and planning. <\/span><\/p>\n

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You find yourself struggling to focus on what they are saying. At the moment it all just makes you feel tired. You wish there was an off switch. That you could turn them off, or even just turn off your life for an hour or two<\/span>. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

3. You feel like they just don\u2019t get it. <\/span><\/h4>\n

There is a part of you that wishes they understood you<\/a>, and the strange things you are feeling lately, but they don\u2019t. In this moment you feel like nobody understands you. <\/span><\/p>\n

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And if you make an effort to explain how you are feeling today to them, they just disappoint you with your lack of understanding. And you then back away, even though you meant to get closer. It\u2019s frustrating and alienating. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

4. At times you might lash out and be mean.<\/span> <\/span><\/h4>\n

You are snappy lately, that\u2019s for sure. <\/span><\/p>\n

It often follows one of the conversations where you<\/strong> share something private with them, and they don\u2019t understand and you are left feeling lonely. You suddenly just say something a bit too strong, perhaps even mean<\/a>. You just feel so angry<\/a> somehow. But just temporarily. Afterwards you feel oddly numb.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. You feel lonely with them, and without them.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n
\"depression

By: Valeria P.<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

You feel lonely<\/a> in general lately, as if you are over here and everyone else is over there. And this happens even when with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

But you feel lonely without them, too. And you might be calling them and relying on them more than usual, needing them to be there, even if you are aware you are suffocating them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

6. Or, you are withdrawing from them more and more. <\/span><\/h4>\n

You might feel like nobody really likes you. Or have thoughts about<\/strong> how you are unloveable<\/a> and flawed. It feels easier and less stressful and bad to be alone. <\/span><\/p>\n

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And you don\u2019t want to go out when they ask. You just don’t feel like it. Staying at home seems a better idea. You might even feel safer at home at the moment, like if you go out it will all just go wrong somehow. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

7. You feel bored of your partner or can\u2019t believe you ever liked them.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Depression and relationships can equal a feeling that the romance is, well…. dead.<\/p>\n

Sometimes depression can totally change our viewpoint. It can feel like an odd new \u2018clarity\u2019 but<\/strong> it\u2019s actually just the depression tricking your mind. You might, for example, decide that you don\u2019t like any of your friends<\/a> or your partner. <\/span><\/p>\n

8. You can\u2019t get any sleep when they are there. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Your sleep is worse lately in general. Perhaps you can\u2019t fall asleep<\/a>, or you have restless dreams, wake up all night, or can\u2019t wake up in the morning. And you feel it\u2019s worse when they are there. <\/span><\/p>\n

9. You are full of doubts. <\/span><\/h4>\n

How can they really like you anyway? When you are secretly a monster? And unloveable? Or what if they actually hate you? And are only with you out of pity?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Depression makes your thoughts very dark, often full of self-criticism<\/a> or doom and gloom. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

20. You are even perhaps tempted to walk away for good. <\/span><\/h4>\n

If your depression continues, you might start doing things like totally pulling back from others, or cutting people out of your life<\/strong>. <\/span><\/p>\n

The worse you feel, the more on a certain level you want to go towards others, the more you instead push everyone away and isolate yourself. You can\u2019t stop yourself. It feels bigger than you. <\/span><\/p>\n

Is it depression, or is it your relationship?
\n<\/span><\/h3>\n
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It is important to note that depression can affect our relationships. But the reverse can also happen. The wrong relationship<\/a> can affect our moods and lead to depression<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s important to look at what you were thinking and feeling before<\/em> your moods started to plummet.<\/strong> Was your relationship fine, or is the truth that it was already faltering? <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n