{"id":121830,"date":"2021-03-04T11:00:54","date_gmt":"2021-03-04T11:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=121830"},"modified":"2021-04-20T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2021-04-20T11:00:00","slug":"why-you-talk-too-much","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-you-talk-too-much.htm","title":{"rendered":"Talk too Much? Why You&#8217;re Garrulous (and How to Stop)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-121832\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/cherrydeck-MtHiQ8NCIoM-unsplash-254x400.jpg\" alt=\"talk too much\" width=\"254\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/cherrydeck-MtHiQ8NCIoM-unsplash-254x400.jpg 254w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/cherrydeck-MtHiQ8NCIoM-unsplash-382x600.jpg 382w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/cherrydeck-MtHiQ8NCIoM-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 254px) 100vw, 254px\" \/><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Talk too much, to the point it leaves you feeling<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-handle-rejection.htm\">rejected<\/a> or embarrassed? Or dealing with a garrulous <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/is-dealing-with-difficult-colleagues-affecting-your-mental-wellbeing.htm\">colleague<\/a> or family member, and struggling to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/sympathy-and-empathy.htm\">have empathy<\/a>?<\/p>\n<h2>Why do I talk too much?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Some people are naturally more talkative.<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3727442\/\">Scientists have found<\/a>, for example, that girls have more of communication-related gene called Foxp2 than boys. This could be one of the reasons girls are more inclined to be chatty.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But being a natural-born talker doesn&#8217;t affect your self-control. <\/strong>If asked to talk less, you generally can. You can learn and put into action<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/advanced-listening-skills.htm\"> better listening skills<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>But what if I really can&#8217;t stop talking?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Then you might suffer from compulsive talking, also referred to as<\/strong> being a &#8216;talkaholic&#8217;. (Two psychologists at Western Virginia University even created a &#8216;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1080\/08824099309359924\">talkaholic scale<\/a>&#8216;).\u00a0 If you have an issue with compulsive talking, you:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>are aware that your talking upsets others but still can&#8217;t stop<\/li>\n<li>dominate conversations<\/li>\n<li>are less inhibited than the other speakers (for example, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/oversharing-syndrome.htm\">oversharing<\/a>)<\/li>\n<li>only tend to stop speaking when others cut in.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Compulsive talking can and often is connected to<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-mental-health.htm\">mental health issues<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/pubs\/journals\/releases\/psp-p0000029.pdf\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Researchers at the University if Arizona<\/span><\/a> found that those who talk excessively about themselves are less likely to be narcissists (no research has proven this concept) and more likely to be suffering from distress, depression or anxiety. And the research was thorough, looking at a dataset of over 4,700 individuals from two different countries.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2>Mental health issues that see leave you talkative<\/h2>\n<p>So what are the mental health issues that see you out of control of how much you talk?<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">1. The low confidence clich\u00e9.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em>Talk too much or too fast until you adjust to new situations? <\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>The first assumption people make about someone who is too chatty <\/strong>is that it&#8217;s just a sign of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/building-confidence.htm\">low confidence<\/a>. It&#8217;s a clich\u00e9 held up by teen movies everywhere, with the stereotype of the loud class clown.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Low confidence tends to stop when we are<\/strong> comfortable with a new group or social situation. If our over talking continues, there&#8217;s more to the story.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">2. The shame game.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><em>Secretly feel there is something deeply wrong with you? Had a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-are-adverse-childhood-experiences-aces.htm\">childhood experience<\/a> that scarred you?\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_121854\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-121854\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-121854\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash-400x300.jpg\" alt=\"garrulous\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash-500x374.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-121854\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by: John Amachaab<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/shame-definition.htm\">Shame<\/a> means that we have somewhere along the line had an experience we internalised as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/its-all-my-fault-self-blame.htm\">our fault<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Words become a smoke screen to hide our perceived <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-worth.htm\">unworthiness<\/a> behind, an awkward form of self protection.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">3. Anxiety and social anxiety.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em>Talk when you are nervous? And the more nervous you get, the more you blather? <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Anxiety can leave even an<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/jung-personality-types.htm\"> introverted person<\/a> talking too much, particularly if they have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/mindfulness-social-anxiety.htm\">social anxiety<\/a> (anxiety triggered by new social situations). Talking too much creates a false persona to hide our terrified selves behind.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">4. Adult ADHD.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em>Feel that words come out your mouth before you even realise you thought them? Tend to interrupt others before you realise what you are doing? Constantly have the sense that your mind and mouth have some faulty connection that leaves you embarrassed and angry at yourself?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Sometimes compulsive talking is because our brain works differently. When you have<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/adult-adhd-quiz\">adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)<\/a>, your brain dances from one thing to the next and you might have impulse control issues, such as speaking out of turn and interrupting others.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">5. Asperger\u2019s syndrome.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em>Been accused of being rude and you don&#8217;t understand why? Tend to be very passionate about a certain subject?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/asperger-syndrome-case-study.htm\">Asperger\u2019s<\/a> involves not having a natural talent for social cues<\/strong>. This combines with a tendency to be very passionate and focussed on things you like. So while others just naturally seem to know when to stop talking, or when other\u2019s have lost interest in what is being said, you won\u2019t notice.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Note that despite still being a popular term,<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/signs-of-aspergers-in-adults.htm\">Asperger\u2019s syndrome<\/a> is no longer an official diagnosis. It is now grouped under \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-autism-spectrum-disorder.htm\">autism spectrum disorder<\/a>\u2019.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">6. Codependency.<\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_121854\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-121854\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-121854\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash-400x300.jpg\" alt=\"garrulous\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash-500x374.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/john-amachaab-xIH6XLSc9JM-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-121854\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by: John Amachaab<\/p><\/div>\n<p><em>Feel uncomfortable with silence? Worry the other person isn&#8217;t talking as they are upset or something is wrong?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>If we suffer with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/great-codependency-hoax-codependent.htm\">codependency issues<\/a>, we are a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/people-pleaser-meaning.htm\">people pleaser<\/a>. We fill in silence with upbeat chattiness in an effort to make others around us happy, not noticing if maybe they just don&#8217;t feel talkative.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">7. PTSD.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em>Did you live through a traumatic experience as an adult? Or a series of difficult experiences as a child?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-psychological-trauma.htm\">Post-traumatic stress disorder<\/a> has anxiety as one of its symptoms, which can lead to over talking. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-complex-ptsd.htm\">Complex PTSD<\/a>, post-traumatic stress caused by an ongoing set of stressful experiences such as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-child-sexual-abuse-why-your-definition-might-need-updating.htm\">childhood sexual abuse<\/a>, often comes with shame. And again, shame can mean some of us present ourselves as bright and chatty to hide our real selves that we see as not good enough.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">8. Borderline personality disorder.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em>The master of long, intense conversations that go on for hours, until you forget about the world outside? But also sometimes burst out with mean, ugly things that push others away? And leave you in a puddle of regret later?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/compassion-for-borderline-personality-disorder.htm\">Borderline personality disorder (BPD)<\/a> means you lack the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/emotional-self-regulation.htm\">emotional regulation<\/a> and<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-impulsivity.htm\"> impulse control<\/a> others have. And you are highly triggered by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/the-private-hell-of-rejection-why-does-it-keep-happening-to-you.htm\">feeling rejected,<\/a>\u00a0which causes you to lash out. A high percentage of those with BPD lived through <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-childhood-trauma.htm\">childhood trauma<\/a>, particularly <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/child-sexual-abuse-counselling.htm\">child sexual abuse<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">9. Mania.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Mania, which is often a part of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/bipolar-disorder.htm\">bipolar disorder<\/a>, involves a raised energy state and whirring thoughts, which for many can result in talking very fast and losing social cues over how much you are talking or going on.<\/p>\n<h2>What can help if I talk too much?<\/h2>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-121856\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/convertkit-tkXJoA_sn78-unsplash-267x400.jpg\" alt=\"garrulous\" width=\"267\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/convertkit-tkXJoA_sn78-unsplash-267x400.jpg 267w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/convertkit-tkXJoA_sn78-unsplash-400x600.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/convertkit-tkXJoA_sn78-unsplash-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/convertkit-tkXJoA_sn78-unsplash-1024x1536.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/convertkit-tkXJoA_sn78-unsplash-1365x2048.jpg 1365w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/convertkit-tkXJoA_sn78-unsplash-scaled.jpg 1707w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 267px) 100vw, 267px\" \/>1. Make lemonade.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Everything has a positive and and a negative. Finding the good side of compulsive talking can raise our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-thoughts.htm\">self-esteem<\/a>. For example, if it weren&#8217;t for over sharers, we wouldn&#8217;t have great podcasts.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #333399;\">2. Mindfulness.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/mindfulness-social-anxiety.htm\">Mindfulness is shown to help with anxiety<\/a>. It helps you to be more grounded and in the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/present-moment-secret-better-mood.htm\">present moment<\/a>, instead of caught up in blaming yourself for the past or stressing about a future you can\u2019t control. It\u2019s also easy to learn &#8211; use our easy-to-follow<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/mindfulness-help-guide.htm\"> Guide to Mindfulness<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #333399;\">3. Relaxation.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Some therapists use a tool called \u2018progressive muscle relaxation\u2019 to help their clients be more in their bodies and calm. Read our article on \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/release-muscle-tension.htm\">How to Relax in Record Time<\/a>\u201d.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #333399;\">4. Self-compassion.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-compassion.htm\">Self-compassion<\/a>, the art of treating ourselves like a friend, raises our self-esteem. It helps with relating, too. The more we are kind and open with ourselves, the easier it is to be kind and open with others.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #333399;\">5. Journalling.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>If you find you over express your feelings and thoughts around others, try<\/strong> expressing them on paper instead. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-use-a-self-help-journal.htm\">Journalling with intent<\/a> can also help you learn more about who you really are, which can raise your confidence and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-worth.htm\">self-worth<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>And yes, try therapy<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Yes, ironically, even though therapy is about talking, it does help if you talk too much<\/strong>. It helps you feel more self aware and confident, so you have less to prove. And it helps you recognise and work through core issues\u00a0 driving your talkativeness, like shame and childhood trauma.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Therapy can also help with<\/strong> ADHD, and there are certain <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/borderline-personality-disorder-treatment-therapy.htm\">therapies created just to deal with borderline personality disorder<\/a>, if that is your issue.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Ready to talk less and feel better? We connect you with a team of some of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/therapists.htm\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\">London&#8217;s top therapists<\/span><\/a>. Or use <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\">our booking platform<\/span><\/a> to find<a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Mid%20Post\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"> UK-wide therapists<\/span><\/a> for every budget and <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\">online therapy<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em>Still have a question about why you talk too much? Post below. Note we cannot provide free counselling via comments and all comments are moderated.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Andrea M. Darcy is a popular health writer who definitely talks to much! No surprise, she has ADHD and social anxiety. Finder <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-397x400.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy\" width=\"103\" height=\"104\" \/>her <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/am_darcy\/\">@am_darcy<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Talk too much, to the point it leaves you feeling rejected or embarrassed? Or dealing with a garrulous colleague or family member, and struggling to have empathy? Why do I talk too much? Some people are naturally more talkative. Scientists have found, for example, that girls have more of communication-related gene [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":121832,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[399,21,125],"tags":[3,212,375,79,433,162],"class_list":["post-121830","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adhd-and-autism","category-anxiety-and-stress","category-self-esteem","tag-anxiety","tag-borderline-personality-disorder","tag-childhood-trauma","tag-ptsd","tag-shame","tag-social-anxiety","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.3 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Talk too Much? 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