{"id":121926,"date":"2021-03-16T11:00:57","date_gmt":"2021-03-16T11:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=121926"},"modified":"2023-03-13T13:52:11","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T13:52:11","slug":"emotional-maturity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/emotional-maturity.htm","title":{"rendered":"10 Signs of Emotional Maturity &#8211; Do You Measure Up?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-121928\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jiangxulei1990-U3G3ed8-BT4-unsplash-267x400.jpg\" alt=\"emotional maturity\" width=\"267\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jiangxulei1990-U3G3ed8-BT4-unsplash-267x400.jpg 267w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jiangxulei1990-U3G3ed8-BT4-unsplash-400x600.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/jiangxulei1990-U3G3ed8-BT4-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 267px) 100vw, 267px\" \/><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Yes, we might be grownups in these parts, at least physically. Emotional maturity can come far, far later\u2026. Or we might not even quite be there yet.<\/p>\n<p><em>What is emotional maturity, really, and do you have it?<\/em><\/p>\n<h2>What is emotional maturity?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Emotional maturity\u00a0<\/strong>doesn&#8217;t mean you have to play by all of society&#8217;s rules. You can have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/peter-pan-syndrome.htm\">Peter Pan syndrome<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/adult-playfulness-can-lightening-up-change-your-life.htm\">love being playful<\/a>, but still be emotionally mature.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Instead, emotional maturity means we are responsible for, and in control of, <\/strong>our emotions.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">We know how to use our emotions as useful guidance. But we don\u2019t allow them to blind us to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-perspective.htm\">the perspective of others,<\/a> or to the uniqueness of each situation we find ourselves in.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2>Is self-esteem connected?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Emotional maturity doesn&#8217;t have to wait until you feel great about yourself<\/strong> and your life. It&#8217;s not connected. A <a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/342094784_A_Study_on_Emotional_Maturity_and_Self-_Esteem_among_Adolescents\">2020 study from an Indian university<\/a> concluded that emotional maturity is not connected to<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-thoughts.htm\"> self-esteem.<\/a>\u00a0Or gender, for that matter.<\/p>\n<h2>What is emotional immaturity?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>It can be helpful when trying to understand if you are or aren&#8217;t emotionally mature <\/strong>to take a quick look at the opposite &#8212; <em>emotional immaturity<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Yes, this can mean you are known for<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-emotional-dsyregulation.htm\">throwing adult temper tantrums<\/a>. But not always. Another form of emotional immaturity can be quite the contrary.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">Some people&#8217;s emotional immaturity is about<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/avoidance-coping-depression.htm\"> avoidance<\/a>. They believe feelings are pointless or stupid, a sign of weakness even. Trying to cut themselves off from feelings, they tend to instead intellectualise everything.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>In either case, emotional immaturity can involve:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>speaking before thinking when upset and being unnecessarily hurtful<\/li>\n<li>starting sentences with \u201cyou make me feel\u201d (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-we-put-the-blame-on-others.htm\">blame<\/a>)<\/li>\n<li>seeing your emotions as hard \u2018truth\u2019 instead of just your experience<\/li>\n<li>focusing or even obsessing on certain details in disagreements<\/li>\n<li>keeping \u2018score\u2019 in relationships and often<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/live-life-like-victim-12-ways-tell.htm\"> feeling the victim<\/a><\/li>\n<li>taking revenge in little ways, such as gossiping about people you don\u2019t like<\/li>\n<li>turning to things like<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/alcohol-and-depression.htm\"> alcohol<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/party-drugs-depression.htm\">party drugs<\/a>, or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/truth-about-overeating-case-study.htm\">overeating<\/a> to avoid feelings<\/li>\n<li>having<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/healthy-boundaries.htm\"> poor personal boundaries<\/a>, or keeping people at such a distance you don&#8217;t need any<\/li>\n<li>secretly waiting for someone to save you from yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>10 Signs of Emotional Maturity<\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-121931\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/the-creative-exchange-UhpAf0ySwuk-unsplash-1-267x400.jpg\" alt=\"emotional maturity\" width=\"267\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/the-creative-exchange-UhpAf0ySwuk-unsplash-1-267x400.jpg 267w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/the-creative-exchange-UhpAf0ySwuk-unsplash-1-400x600.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/the-creative-exchange-UhpAf0ySwuk-unsplash-1.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 267px) 100vw, 267px\" \/>So then how does life work if you <em>are<\/em> actually emotionally grown up?<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">1. You aren\u2019t afraid of your emotions.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>You are fine if you start to feel emotional, because you know that emotions are normal. That we all at times feel <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/depression-vs-sadness.htm\">sad<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/different-types-of-anger.htm\">angry<\/a>, joyful, thrilled, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-let-down.htm\">disappointed<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">You recognise that each emotion has its own gift. Sadness helps you recognise joy, and anger helps you know where you need to set a boundary.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">2. You control your emotions, instead of being controlled by them.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>You know how to let an emotion rise without overwhelming you.<\/strong> And you don\u2019t have to immediately offload that emotion, either. You can sit with it, explore it, get to know it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>And you can share it when you are ready to do so<\/strong>, in a constructive over destructive way.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">3. You know healthy tools to help you navigate otherwise.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>When you are feeling such big emotions they are throwing you off kilter, you don\u2019t panic. Instead,<\/strong> you use tools to help you navigate them. This might be:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-use-a-self-help-journal.htm\">journalling<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/mindfulness-help-guide.htm\">mindfulness<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-exercise-more.htm\">exercise<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/depression-and-creativity.htm\">creativity<\/a><\/li>\n<li>hitting pillows or a punching bag<\/li>\n<li>talking to a<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-find-friends.htm\"> trusted friend<\/a><\/li>\n<li>or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-therapy-12-key-points.htm\">meeting with a counsellor<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">You aren\u2019t afraid to admit if you need support or help. You are mature enough to know that reaching out is a sign of courage and strength, not weakness.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">4. You see your emotions as useful guidance, not gospel truth.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>Emotions are true in that they are honestly what you are feeling, here and now.<\/strong> If you feel mad, you feel mad.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But they are not &#8216;the&#8217; truth. They are not a perfect descriptor of any given situation.<\/strong> Often our emotions are bigger than just the situation in front of us. We aren\u2019t really just mad at our partner as he is late for dinner, for example. We are mad as the last time he was late, it was because he had driven home a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/is-dealing-with-difficult-colleagues-affecting-your-mental-wellbeing.htm\">colleague<\/a> you both know wants to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/friendship-and-love.htm\">more than friends<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>And emotions are only an indicator of your personal experience. Imagine a field of different <\/strong>flowers in the face of a storm. For the fragile orchid, the storm is terrifying. For a dandelion, maybe not. It\u2019s the same storm. But it\u2019s not going to be experienced the same.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">5. You don\u2019t see the emotions of others as truth, either.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-121930\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/charles-deluvio-rRWiVQzLm7k-unsplash-267x400.jpg\" alt=\"emotional maturity\" width=\"267\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/charles-deluvio-rRWiVQzLm7k-unsplash-267x400.jpg 267w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/charles-deluvio-rRWiVQzLm7k-unsplash-400x600.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/charles-deluvio-rRWiVQzLm7k-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 267px) 100vw, 267px\" \/><strong>Not only do you recognise that your emotions can sometimes blind you, you know that<\/strong> this happens for others, too.\u00a0 They might be working with a lack of information, or be triggered and reacting to things from the past.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #666699;\">It\u2019s not that you don\u2019t know how to defend your corner if someone is being unnecessarily aggressive. But emotional maturity means you still see them through the emotion. They are still that friend or colleague you know, and you won\u2019t judge them solely on one emotional outburst.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">6. You own your emotions.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>You know that the way you feel is a choice you are making. Nobody else can force you to feel anything.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>If someone cuts you off in traffic the day you got a promotion, you might just roll your eyes. If someone cuts you off in traffic the day you lose out on an investment, you might suddenly feel really angry. The emotion is your choice, not dictated just by the situation.<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">When you are disagreeing with someone, you use responsible language to show you own your responsibility. \u201cI feel [insert emotion] when you\u2026.\u201d takes the place of, \u201cYou make me feel&#8230;\u201d.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">7. But you don\u2019t own other people\u2019s emotions for them.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>You know you are not responsible for someone else\u2019s unhappiness.<\/strong> Yes, you would love for the people you care about to feel good, but you know that is up to them, and is not your job.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">8. You know how to say sorry.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>If you do let your emotions get the better of you, or do go into<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-we-put-the-blame-on-others.htm\">blame<\/a> and dump your feelings on someone else?<\/p>\n<p><strong>You don\u2019t let that throw you into a sea of endless <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-guilty-all-the-time.htm\">guilt <\/a>or more upset. You own up and apologise then move on.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">9. And there is no score card.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>As well as knowing how to say sorry, you know how to accept an apology. So once the air is cleared, so is the score.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You are not keeping a running tally of what the other person did to wrong you, and it won\u2019t be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/relationship-conflict-still-fighting.htm\">bought up in the next conflict<\/a>, or endlessly for the rest of your relationship with them. You know that is not emotional maturity but simply <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/manipulative-behaviour-are-you-guilty.htm\">manipulation<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">10. You know the difference between an emotional outburst and danger.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>Yes, you are emotionally mature enough to know when someone is just blowing off steam, and to not judge them too harshly for it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But you also know when someone is no longer a safe zone.<\/strong> <strong>You don\u2019t mistake abuse for an emotional outburst.<\/strong> If someone might harm you, if they are in a state of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/different-types-of-anger.htm\">rage<\/a>, you don\u2019t feel responsible. You leave. If they are being psychologically cruel or manipulative, you recognise the signs and walk away.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Need help to emotionally grow up? We connect you with top <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/therapists.htm\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\">London-based therapists<\/span><\/a> with excellent reviews. Or use<a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"> our booking site<\/span> <\/a>to find a UK-wide therapist or online counselling now.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em>Still have a question about what is emotional maturity? Post below. Note we cannot offer free counselling via comments.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-397x400.png\" alt=\"Andrea Blundell\" width=\"132\" height=\"133\" \/><\/strong><b>Andrea M. Darcy<\/b> is a mental health and wellbeing expert and writer. She also runs a consultancy helping people find their perfect therapy and therapist.\u00a0Find her on\u00a0 <a style=\"color: #333399;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/amdarcy\/\">Linkedin<\/a>\u00a0or follow her on Instagram for useful life tips <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/am_darcy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@am_darcy<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Yes, we might be grownups in these parts, at least physically. Emotional maturity can come far, far later\u2026. Or we might not even quite be there yet. What is emotional maturity, really, and do you have it? What is emotional maturity? Emotional maturity\u00a0doesn&#8217;t mean you have to play by all of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":121928,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[20,6,125],"tags":[313,379],"class_list":["post-121926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger","category-relationships","category-self-esteem","tag-relationship-conflict","tag-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.3 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>10 Signs of Emotional Maturity - Do You Measure Up? - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We can think we have emotional maturity. 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