{"id":122081,"date":"2021-04-01T11:00:35","date_gmt":"2021-04-01T10:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=122081"},"modified":"2023-03-13T13:41:16","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T13:41:16","slug":"promiscuity-and-depression","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/promiscuity-and-depression.htm","title":{"rendered":"Promiscuity and Depression – Can Casual Sex Bring You Down?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"promiscuityby Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Into casual sex, but then suffer from<\/strong> low moods<\/a>? And wonder if your promiscuity and depression<\/a> might be at all connected? <\/span><\/p>\n

Does casual sex affect your mood? <\/span><\/h2>\n

It\u2019s challenging for psychologists to study casual sex. They obviously have to rely on<\/strong> secondary reporting over actual observed experiments. And many of us either downplay our sexual experiences, or pretend more went on than it did.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When we report our feelings around sex, we are also often speaking<\/strong> through a variety of filters, such as our culture, family values<\/a>, and religion. So if we do feel depressed after sex, it might not necessarily be the sex that is the problem, but, say, guilt around our religious beliefs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

All this aside, it does seem that there is a direct link<\/strong> between promiscuity and depression<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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A 2014 study<\/a><\/span> that polled over three thousand single heterosexual college students found that those with low wellbeing<\/a> scores and higher psychological distress<\/a> were more likely to report a higher amount of casual sex. And the low mood link didn’t change with gender.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Although a<\/strong>\u00a0smaller, earlier study<\/a> found that women engaging in casual sex were more likely to experience depression symptoms than men, if the casual sex was an ongoing habit over a one off.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why would casual sex make me feel bad? <\/span><\/h2>\n

Most of us feel quite good to know someone finds us desirable.<\/strong> And sex with someone we like who likes us back can leave us floating on an oxytocin high.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are obvious reasons that high can then become a low.<\/strong> STIs, unwanted pregnancies<\/a>, or casual sex that turns into sexual assault<\/a> are all things that can be hard to navigate. <\/span><\/p>\n

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And we don\u2019t feel good if a sex partner then somehow leaves us feeling rejected<\/a>, if we feel used, or if that other person says derogatory things about us to others that invade our privacy.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

But what if none of this is happening but we still aren\u2019t feeling great after casual sex?<\/strong> When all our friends<\/a> seem to love it and we want to, too? <\/span><\/p>\n

Promiscuity and depression <\/span><\/h2>\n

It might be time to question your sexual behaviours and get very honest with yourself. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

1. What is your real reason for having casual sex? <\/span><\/h3>\n

\"promiscuityIs it because you are exploring your sexuality and it\u2019s a healthy, exciting way<\/strong> for you to enjoy yourself and your body? Have you recently exited a long, sexually unfulfilling relationship<\/a> and are finally getting a chance to have sex you like?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Or is it because your friends are into it and it\u2019s \u2018what everyone else does\u2019?<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

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When we do things to fit in, we stop listening to ourselves and push ourselves past our own comfort zones. The end result can be depression and anxiety<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u00a0Not everyone is highly sexual, or<\/strong> extroverted<\/a>. And some of us have values of stability over adventure, safety over excitement. Some of us are simply happier in monogamous relationships, or being celibate<\/a>. So promiscuity and depression come hand in hand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Is your sex life constructive, or destructive? <\/span><\/h3>\n

Constructive casual sex would be about getting to<\/strong> know yourself and your body in a safe way. You know the other person enough to know they are safe and will respect and listen to you<\/a>. And you practice safe sex, using protection. <\/span><\/p>\n

Destructive casual sex is high risk. You don\u2019t know<\/strong> the other person at all, you are engaging in substance abuse<\/a> before your sexual experiences, you are not using protection. <\/span><\/p>\n

Self-destructive behaviours always affect our mood because<\/strong> they send a message from us to ourselves that we don\u2019t deserve to be cared for.<\/span><\/p>\n

A study<\/span> <\/a>looking at the effects of vaginal intercourse on moods amongst female college students linked unprotected sex to a higher risk of the sexual encounter leading to low moods.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

3. Do you have a history of addictive behaviours?<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/h3>\n

Do you tend to drink too much<\/a>, overdo the party drugs<\/a>? Have you had a past history with substance abuse, or addictive behaviours like overeating<\/a> and shopping addiction?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

If you are using sex addictively<\/a>, then you are using it to distract from emotional pain.<\/p>\n

Start to notice if you seek out a sexual partner not when you feel good, but when you feel edgy, moody, or when something goes wrong. If you are secretive about your casual sex experiences, if you sabotage other things with sex.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Addictive behaviour leads to depression when after the high,<\/strong> the pain is still there, and we then get to layer our self hatred on ourselves for doing something destructive. And that shame<\/a> then feeds the cycle.<\/p>\n

4. Is it actually a choice you are making?<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n

When someone asks you to have sex, or you are engaging in foreplay and they start to push for more, <\/strong>do you actually have the personal power to then say, no? To clearly and calmly say, “I don\u2019t want to”? <\/span><\/p>\n

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Or do you feel \u2018obliged\u2019 to say yes, or to let whatever happens happen? And then later tell yourself it\u2019s what you wanted? But feel oddly moody and tired<\/a>?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Feeling obligated to have sex with others means at some point you were taught you don\u2019t have the right to<\/strong> personal boundaries<\/a>. It might just be that you grew up around adults who didn\u2019t let you voice your needs and wants<\/a>. But it\u2019s often connected to child sexual abuse<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Did you experience child sexual abuse?\u00a0<\/span>
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Child sexual abuse<\/a> decimates our personal boundaries<\/a> and also our self identity<\/a>. We can take on board messages that we don’t have the right to say no<\/a> to anything, that we are worthless<\/a>.<\/p>\n

We can even deep down harbour a belief that we deserve negative sexual experiences. If the person who sexually abused us was a parent or someone we cared about, we can also mix up abusive sex with love.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If we don’t get help to heal after child sexual abuse, we can end up with negative sexual behaviours.<\/strong> This can look like:<\/p>\n