{"id":122399,"date":"2021-05-04T11:00:34","date_gmt":"2021-05-04T10:00:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=122399"},"modified":"2023-03-13T13:15:14","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T13:15:14","slug":"self-discipline","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-discipline.htm","title":{"rendered":"Lack Self-Discipline? Here\u2019s Why (and How to Fix It)"},"content":{"rendered":"

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by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Have the best of intentions? But terrible carry through<\/a>? Why is it that some of us seem born with self-discipline, and the rest of us flounder? <\/span><\/p>\n

The holy grail of self-control <\/span><\/h2>\n

Self-discipline, along with conscientiousness and<\/strong> perseverance, are a triad that form the \u2018holy grail\u2019 of self-control, a <\/span>hot topic right across the social sciences.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For psychologists, self control means a child grows up into <\/strong>an adult with better mental health<\/a> and life stability. Sociologists link it to less crime and unemployment<\/a>. Health researchers have connected an ability to be in charge of yourself to longevity, and better physical health<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

And even economists and policymakers are<\/strong> jumping on the self control bandwagon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Researchers<\/a><\/span><\/span>\u00a0following a group of 1000 children from birth to age 32, as well as another group of 500 sibling pairs, concluded that teaching citizens self-control as children would\u00a0 “reduce a panoply of societal costs, save taxpayers money, and promote prosperity.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

No wonder we feel stressed if we feel we are falling to the wrong side<\/strong> of the self-control spectrum, when self-control is promoted as a sort of societal ‘cure all’.<\/p>\n

The bad news about self-control<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u00a0Genetics play a part in our self-discipline.<\/strong> (The good news is you can stop beating yourself up about it as if it’s all your fault).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Two researchers<\/span><\/a> analysed over 31 twin studies, and concluded that genes contribute as much as 60% of our differences in self-control.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

But note that the researchers admitted that all studies were based in<\/strong> America, meaning the data is skewed, so true percentages could be lower.<\/p>\n

And that still leaves at least 40% of our self control as<\/strong> coming from elsewhere. <\/span><\/p>\n

Did my childhood affect my self discipline?<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"selfSome of this ‘elsewhere’ might be \u2019environmental\u2019. <\/strong>In other words, arise from the situations we live within, and the experiences we live through. <\/span><\/p>\n

These can be positive environments, like<\/strong> supportive family members who modelled self discipline.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Or it can be negative environments, like an<\/strong> unstable home life<\/a>, a critical parent<\/a>, neglect, or childhood trauma<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Trauma in particular is connected to struggles with self-control.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>A study looking at control of emotional responses<\/a> and impulses<\/a> (called ‘emotional regulation<\/a>‘) made this clear. It scanned the brains of participants as they performed an \u2018emotional conflict task\u2019, looking\u00a0<\/span>at pictures of faces that represented one emotion, but with a word laid over the picture that represented another emotion entirely. (So a happy face, for example, had the word \u2018fear\u2019 across it.) The task was to label the emotion on the face while ignoring the word.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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But those who had experienced early-life trauma showed heightened brain activity in areas that meant they felt threatened by the conflicting emotional message. And they couldn\u2019t control this overreaction, which then affected their ability to think clearly and give accurate answers. So the trauma response of their brain directly affected their self-control.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So am I a lost cause who will always lack self-discipline?<\/span><\/h2>\n

We all have some sort of self-discipline. If you didn\u2019t, you wouldn\u2019t be sitting here, <\/strong>clothed, fed, and reading this article. True, you might not have the discipline of Beyonce. But you have the discipline to practice self-care<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And we also now know that the brain has what is called \u2018plasticity\u2019<\/strong>. It responds to training. So while you might be less likely to be self-disciplined, and just \u2018telling yourself\u2019 to change this will have little effect, there is still hope.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Shift focus and find your ‘factors’.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Sometimes we are so busy negatively comparing ourselves to those around us<\/a> we completely overlook our own ability to be in control, and our own special way of doing so.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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photo by Tikkho Maciel<\/p><\/div>\n

Make an effort to notice not just where your discipline <\/strong>goes wrong, but where it goes\u00a0right.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n