{"id":124082,"date":"2021-10-05T11:00:46","date_gmt":"2021-10-05T10:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=124082"},"modified":"2023-03-08T17:44:52","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T17:44:52","slug":"social-pressure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/social-pressure.htm","title":{"rendered":"Social Pressure Got You Down? The Art of Not Keeping Up With Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_124085\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-124085\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-124085\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-nF8xhLMmg0c-unsplash-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"social pressure\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-nF8xhLMmg0c-unsplash-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-nF8xhLMmg0c-unsplash-500x333.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-nF8xhLMmg0c-unsplash-180x120.jpg 180w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-nF8xhLMmg0c-unsplash-600x400.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-nF8xhLMmg0c-unsplash.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-124085\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by: Priscilla du Preez<\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">by Victoria Stokes<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Social pressure can perhaps best be summed up in the<\/strong> iconic words uttered by Rachel in the first season of Friends.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #800080;\">\u201cEveryone I know is either <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/weddings-and-depression-pnd.htm\">getting married<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/stress-in-pregnancy-care-info.htm\">getting pregnant<\/a> or getting promoted, and I&#8217;m getting coffee! And it&#8217;s not even for me!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>And the pressure can feel worse than ever right now,<\/strong> if you are one of the many people who found themselves putting everything off during the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/feeling-connection-coronavirus.htm\"> pandemic<\/a>. A recent <span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/longevity.stanford.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/COVID-Key-Milestones.pdf\">Stanford study<\/a> found that up to 68 per cent of us pushed back major life milestones.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em>What can be done if we constantly feel we are falling behind as our friends succeed?<\/em><\/p>\n<h2>Is social pressure really a big deal?<\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>When it comes to mental health, yes. Social comparison can cause<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/anxiety-therapy.htm\">anxiety<\/a>, and scupper your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-worth.htm\">self-worth<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-thoughts.htm\">self-esteem<\/a>. It might even have a negative impact on your<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/friendship-and-love.htm\"> friendships.<\/a> Or, ironically, leave you with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/living-with-walking-depression.htm\">mild depression<\/a> that prevents you from taking steps towards the milestones you want to achieve.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>So then how to stop feeling you are racing to keep up?<\/h2>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\">It can be easy to get caught up in self-imposed deadlines, believing that you need to achieve things to a certain timescale. But it\u2019s possible to make peace with the feeling of falling behind and even embrace living life at your own speed.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_124087\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-124087\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-124087\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/markus-spiske-QozzJpFZ2lg-unsplash-2-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"social pressure\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/markus-spiske-QozzJpFZ2lg-unsplash-2-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/markus-spiske-QozzJpFZ2lg-unsplash-2-500x333.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/markus-spiske-QozzJpFZ2lg-unsplash-2-180x120.jpg 180w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/markus-spiske-QozzJpFZ2lg-unsplash-2-600x400.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/markus-spiske-QozzJpFZ2lg-unsplash-2.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-124087\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by Markus Spiske<\/p><\/div>\n<h4 class=\"p2\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><span class=\"s1\">1. <\/span><span class=\"s1\">Catch your thoughts.<\/span><\/span><\/h4>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nature.com\/articles\/s41467-020-17255-9\">Recent research<\/a> using new formulas for translating brain imaging suggests we have a huge 6,200 thoughts <\/span><span class=\"s1\">a day. While it\u2019s certainly impossible to notice them all, you can take pause and review the ones that are making you feel bad.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Useful tools here that therapists use with clients include<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-use-a-self-help-journal.htm\"> journalling with intention<\/a>, where you write out your thoughts (without judgement) then ask good questions. This can look like, what is this thought really telling me? Is it actually true?\u00a0 It can help here to learn <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/balanced-thinking-benefits.htm\">how to turn a negative thought into a balanced one<\/a>, which is a technique that is at the core of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-london.htm\">cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\">And then of course there is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/mindfulness-help-guide.htm\">mindfulness<\/a>. If we commit ten minutes a day or more to &#8216;listening in&#8217; to our thought and emotions with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/meditation-and-the-brain.htm\">mindfulness meditation<\/a>, we can recognise which thoughts really ring true and which ones are just static. It gives us the power to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-perspective.htm\">choose a new perspective<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">2. Note down your achievements.<\/span><\/h4>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Social pressure has a nasty habit of leading you to believe you have to do things by a<\/strong> <strong>certain age<\/strong>, a specific deadline, or at the same time as your friends. It can even convince you that you haven\u2019t done anything <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-an-existential-crisis-signs.htm\">meaningful<\/a> or worthwhile, and are a failure when compared to your peers.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #993366;\">We can spend so much of our attention looking to what we haven&#8217;t done, and what we feel we should do in the future, we entirely forget all that we actually have achieved.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\">Make jotting down your achievements at the end of each day a regular habit. Maybe you overcame an unexpected challenge, or aced a new skill. <\/span><span class=\"s1\">This simple practice reminds you that just because your achievements might look different to someone else\u2019s, it doesn\u2019t mean they are any less valuable.<\/span><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">3. Remove your social pressure triggers.<\/span><\/h4>\n<div id=\"attachment_124086\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-124086\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-124086\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/yasin-yusuf-fMh-VTuMHQs-unsplash-1-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"social pressure\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/yasin-yusuf-fMh-VTuMHQs-unsplash-1-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/yasin-yusuf-fMh-VTuMHQs-unsplash-1-500x333.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/yasin-yusuf-fMh-VTuMHQs-unsplash-1-180x120.jpg 180w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/yasin-yusuf-fMh-VTuMHQs-unsplash-1-600x400.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/yasin-yusuf-fMh-VTuMHQs-unsplash-1.jpg 709w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-124086\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">photo by Yasin Yusuf<\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>When does social pressure rear its head for you? Is it when you\u2019re<\/strong> scrolling through social media, or catching up with an accomplished group of friends? Or when you hear someone close to you has<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/premarital-counselling-facts.htm\"> gotten engaged<\/a>, become pregnant, or bought a house?<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\">Pre-empt these situations and consider how you can either remove the trigger (think closing Instagram and logging out of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-effects-of-facebook.htm\">Facebook<\/a>), or learn to manage it better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Of course removing the trigger won\u2019t always be possible.<\/strong> You can\u2019t avoid congratulating a friend on her big news, or walk away from an otherwise great group of friends, simply because you think their lives seem to be moving faster than yours. But you can quietly excuse yourself for a few moments when you need to give yourself space to gather your thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\">In these moments, consider having a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/benefits-of-positive-thinking.htm\">positive affirmation<\/a> you can whip out. Affirmations can challenge <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-sabotage.htm\">self-sabotaging<\/a> thoughts and stop anxiety and negativity in its tracks. This might sound like, \u201cI trust the timing of my life. Everything is working out as it should.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<h4 class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">4. Brain dump your thoughts, feelings, and fears.<\/span><\/h4>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/anger-issues-signs.htm\">Anger<\/a>. Frustration. Failure. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-guilty-all-the-time.htm\">Guilt<\/a>. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/shame-definition.htm\">Shame<\/a>.<\/strong> These are just some of the emotions you may experience when social pressure causes your thoughts to spiral. But when you get your thoughts out on paper it can feel cathartic and less overwhelming.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\">Putting pen to paper can also aid problem-solving, helping you to see solutions you previously might not have thought of, and allow you to notice<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-a-schema-psychology.htm\"> unhelpful patterns<\/a> that have been holding you back.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #800080;\">A &#8216;worry journal&#8217; does exactly what it says on the tin. It\u2019s a space for you to \u2018dump\u2019 your worries and fears. And it can help you get a handle on the feelings of falling behind by allowing you to interpret things differently.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<h4 class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"color: #333399;\">5. Find what you can control now.<\/span><\/h4>\n<p><strong>Focussing on what we can&#8217;t control leaves us feeling small<\/strong> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-anxious-attachment-style.htm\">anxious<\/a>. When we instead <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-set-goals-that-work.htm\">set a goal that is achievable and realistic<\/a>, we feel <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/finding-your-purpose-anxiety.htm\">on purpose<\/a>, and our self-esteem raises.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\">So no, maybe you can\u2019t have the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wrong-career-path.htm\"> high-flying career<\/a> right now, or hotfoot it down the aisle like so many of your friends are doing. But there are stacks of wonderful things you <i>can<\/i> achieve in the here and now. <\/span>Learn <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/goal-setting-in-therapy.htm\">how to set SMART goals<\/a> and move forward to feeling better about yourself.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p2\"><span class=\"s1\">There is no right or wrong way to do life<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><strong>Whose timeline are you actually trying to keep up with? Is it really yours?<\/strong> Or are you caught up in\u00a0<span class=\"s1\">believing that you have to do things before a certain age, or achieve things at the same time as your friends? <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><span class=\"s1\">The reality is that there\u2019s no schedule you need to meet. And that that <\/span><span class=\"s1\">feeling of falling behind can be crushing, but it can also be a gift if you see it as a signal to take a moment to check in with yourself. <\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span class=\"s1\">Is the feeling of social pressure trying to show you what you need to catch up on? Or is it more that it&#8217;s asking you to look at what really want from life? And to remind you to live on your own terms?Use it<\/span><span class=\"s1\"> as a catalyst to redefine what you really want and appreciate <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/present-moment-secret-better-mood.htm\">where you are right now<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Drowning in the feeling of being a failure? We connect you with some of <span style=\"color: #333399;\"><a style=\"color: #333399;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/\">London&#8217;s best talk therapists<\/a><\/span> who understand just how you feel, and can help you move forward. Or use our booking platform to work with a <span style=\"color: #333399;\"><a style=\"color: #333399;\" href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/?utm_source=Harley%20Therapy%20Blog&amp;utm_content=Post%20End\">UK-wide registered therapist or online counsellor<\/a><\/span> as soon as tomorrow.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-124090 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/victoria-stokes.jpeg\" alt=\"Victoria Stokes writer\" width=\"127\" height=\"127\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/victoria-stokes.jpeg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/victoria-stokes-150x150.jpeg 150w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/victoria-stokes-200x200.jpeg 200w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/victoria-stokes-50x50.jpeg 50w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 127px) 100vw, 127px\" \/>Victoria Stokes is a Belfast-based writer and journalist who has written thousands of articles on mental health, emotional wellbeing and personal development. She is fascinated by the inner workings of the mind and lists espresso martinis and the colour pink among her favourite things. Keep up with her on Instagram\u00a0<a style=\"color: #333399;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/writtenbyvictoriastokes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@writtenbyvictoriastokes.<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Victoria Stokes Social pressure can perhaps best be summed up in the iconic words uttered by Rachel in the first season of Friends.\u00a0 \u201cEveryone I know is either getting married or getting pregnant or getting promoted, and I&#8217;m getting coffee! And it&#8217;s not even for me!\u201d And the pressure can feel worse than ever [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":124085,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6,125],"tags":[224,431,312],"class_list":["post-124082","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-self-esteem","tag-anxiety-stress","tag-friendship","tag-life-goals","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.3 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Social Pressure Got You Down? The Art of Not Keeping Up With Friends - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is social pressure leaving you anxious? 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Tips to stay sane and find your own way forward\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/social-pressure.htm\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/harleytherapy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/harleytherapylondon\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-10-05T10:00:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-03-08T17:44:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/priscilla-du-preez-nF8xhLMmg0c-unsplash.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"709\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"472\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sheri Jacobson\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/drsherijacobson\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@HarleyTherapy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Sheri Jacobson\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\\\/counselling\\\/social-pressure.htm\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\\\/counselling\\\/social-pressure.htm\",\"name\":\"Social Pressure Got You Down? 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