{"id":124755,"date":"2021-12-14T11:00:08","date_gmt":"2021-12-14T11:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=124755"},"modified":"2023-03-13T07:30:20","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T07:30:20","slug":"peace-and-joy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/peace-and-joy.htm","title":{"rendered":"Peace and Joy – How to Actually Get These Feelings in Your Life"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"peace

photo by Anna Tarazevich at Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

We wish each other peace and joy<\/strong> each holiday season.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But how can we actually bring these feelings into our life and make them more than just words scrawled in a greeting card? And are they even realistic states of being?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Are peace and joy overrated?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Peace, for far too many people, means<\/strong><\/span>\u00a0 avoiding all and any<\/strong> conflict.<\/a>\u00a0Or saying no to social events<\/a>, or life challenges that might in any way leave us feeling bad about ourselves, affecting our fragile sense of self.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

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In truth, we aren\u2019t actually at peace at all. We are simply in hiding and playing small.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Peace doesn\u2019t come from avoiding things. <\/span>It comes from being so comfortable and<\/strong> confident with who we are <\/a>that we don\u2019t have to hide from conflict, as we can turn it into something calm and constructive. We don’t have to hide from <\/span>life challenges and social interactions because failures<\/a> and the opinions of others don\u2019t dictate who we are.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fake joy or real joy? <\/span><\/h2>\n

As for joy, it, too, has false cousins. If we pretend we are happy all the time<\/strong> as a way to repress old sadness<\/a> and anger<\/a>? Or to be liked? Or because we are convinced \u2018acting positive<\/a>\u2019 will somehow magic away inner turmoil? It\u2019s not really joy.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are also false notions about joy<\/strong> that are certainly popular, making the self-help industry millions, while making millions miserable and convinced they are a failure. Simply as they aren’t ‘happy all the time’.<\/p>\n

\"peaceWhen no healthy person feels happy all the time. <\/strong>For example, we need to feel sadness<\/a> to even know what joy is. And anger helps us set boundaries<\/a>.<\/p>\n

An interesting research study by a professor at Yale<\/a><\/span> found that aiming to only be happy all the time can have many negative consequences. It is connected to being less successful, more selfish, and also gullible. And it can lead to being overconfident and taking risks, such as excess alcohol<\/a> and drug consumption<\/a> and binge eating<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

5 Steps to actually be more zen\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

But how do we go from fake inner zen to real? And truly build peace and joy into our lives for good?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

1. Replace your anti-zen habits.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

You know what they are. The things that leave you running on a stress high, like:<\/p>\n