{"id":125927,"date":"2022-08-09T11:00:39","date_gmt":"2022-08-09T10:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=125927"},"modified":"2023-03-13T11:54:34","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T11:54:34","slug":"boarding-school-survivor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/boarding-school-survivor.htm","title":{"rendered":"Boarding School Survivor? How You Might Have Been Affected"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"boarding

photo by Patrick Case for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Sent off to board as a child? And find yourself with issues as an adult that you struggle to get to the bottom of? The two might be highly connected. A boarding school survivor can find themselves with distinct symptoms now called \u2018boarding school syndrome\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n

What is boarding school syndrome?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Boarding school syndrome is not an official diagnosis. But it is a useful shorthand now used by mental health professionals<\/a> that refers to\u00a0 a set of symptoms common in adult ex-boarders.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The conversation around boarding school trauma in the UK can be traced to<\/strong> psychotherapist Nick Duffel, who coined the term \u2018boarding school survivors\u2019. Himself an ex boarder, and recognising a distinct set of struggles in himself and others, he went on to form an organisation of the same name in 1990. The goals of Boarding School Survivors<\/a> is to raise public awareness, offer help to other survivors, and provide specialist training for mental health professionals. <\/span><\/p>\n

His work was expanded on by <\/strong>psychoanalyst Joy Schaverien<\/a>, who did not herself attend boarding school but worked with many clients who had been sent as young children. She coined the term \u2018boarding school syndrome\u2019 in a paper she published<\/a> in 2011 in the British Journal of Psychotherapy. It is also the title of the book she put out in 2015, where she dives in depth into the trauma of the \u2018privileged\u2019 child.<\/span><\/p>\n

But wasn\u2019t I lucky to go to boarding school? <\/span><\/h2>\n
\n

You might have boarding school to thank for an outwardly successful adult life. But if inwardly you feel empty, and struggle to connect to others or feel anything at all? Then there might have been a hidden price.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\"boarding

photo by Kindel Media for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

Boarding school can mean access to<\/strong> a high quality education, a well-connected lifestyle, and lifelong friendships<\/a>. And for some students<\/a>, who didn\u2019t have a happy home life, boarding school was a good experience. It presented them with stability, safety, and friends<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not helpful to feel that just because others<\/strong> enjoyed boarding, or you enjoyed it part of the time, you aren’t allowed to also see how boarding school was in other ways traumatic<\/a>. The truth is that for many children, being sent away registered in their brain as an abandonment and a trauma<\/a>. And that for others, boarding school might have started out happy but ended up a place they were bullied<\/a> or abused<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Symptoms of boarding school trauma<\/span><\/h2>\n

Symptoms of boarding school trauma manifest as relating and intimacy issues<\/a>, identity struggles<\/a>, self-esteem problems<\/a>, control issues, and general mental health struggles<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Relating problems<\/span><\/h3>\n

\u00a0“In order to adapt to the system, a defensive and protective encapsulation of the self may be acquired; the true identity of the person then remains hidden. This pattern distorts intimate relationships and may continue into adult life.” Joy Schaverien<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The relating issues of boarding school trauma can be<\/strong> attachment issues<\/a> (things that affect the way we connect and bond<\/a> to others). These can stem from feeling abandoned by your parents.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Relating problems can also be related to the rigid environment the schools can present. <\/strong>It can be a place where emotions are frowned on, you have no privacy but are constantly monitored, and are judged<\/a> and compared<\/a> by the other students. <\/span><\/p>\n

Symptoms can look like: <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n