{"id":137147,"date":"2023-02-21T10:47:12","date_gmt":"2023-02-21T10:47:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=137147"},"modified":"2023-05-19T14:02:36","modified_gmt":"2023-05-19T13:02:36","slug":"what-is-splitting-in-psychology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-splitting-in-psychology.htm","title":{"rendered":"What is ‘Splitting’ in Psychology?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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photo by Koolshooters by Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

What is splitting in psychology? Unlike the expression ‘splitting hairs’, here the word has nothing to do with being finicky. It’s instead to do with the way you see things.<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

What is splitting?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Splitting refers to a distorted way of thinking where you see things in extremes,<\/strong> and is most often an issue in your way of seeing others. You idealise them, or demonise them. They are amazing, or horrible. Unlike others, who can hold opposing thoughts and feelings at the same time (‘I don’t like the way they do this one thing but can see they have other qualities’), you instantly compartmentalise.<\/span><\/p>\n

Also called \u2018black and white thinking<\/a>\u2019, splitting is<\/strong><\/span>\u00a0most common in those who have<\/strong> borderline personality disorder<\/a>.<\/span>\u00a0But splitting can also form part of narcissistic personality disorder, and severe depression<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Note that we can all use ‘splitting’ now and then in life, when we are overwhelmed<\/a> or don’t want to do the work of understanding someone<\/a> or a situation. It’s in the way religious people make others ‘sinners’, or the way we see all criminals as ‘bad’ without attempting to know their personal history. But if you have an issue with splitting, then it’s your constant perspective on situations and others.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Splitting and BPD<\/span><\/h2>\n

Again, splitting is mostly an issue if you are<\/strong> struggling with borderline personality disorder<\/a>. BPD (more correctly titled ‘unstable personality disorde<\/a>r’) revolves around a fear of rejection and abandonment and an issue with emotional dysregulation<\/a>, where feelings are intense and quickly go from zero to one hundred. <\/span><\/p>\n

Those with BPD are prone to<\/strong> throwing themselves into intense relationships, where they at first idealise the other, only to demonise them the second they feel they are about to be rejected or abandoned. <\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019ll find that the splitting tends to be related to your<\/strong> unregulated emotions<\/a>. Your mind turns to splitting when big emotions come, using it as a coping mechanism<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Note you might also turn splitting on yourself, seeing yourself<\/strong> as special and different one day, then hopeless and evil the next.<\/p>\n

Examples of splitting <\/span><\/h2>\n

A classic BPD example is that when you meet someone you are attracted to, <\/strong>they are very quickly called \u2018the One\u2019, \u2018the love of your life\u2019, and \u2018different than all the rest\u2019. Up they go on the proverbial pedestal. Then you see a text to another person you suspect they used to date, or might like, you don\u2019t know for sure but the suspicion is enough. You are full of sudden rage<\/a> and feel hatred and fury for them. Suddenly they are \u2018the worst\u2019, \u2018a total narcissist<\/a>\u2019, and \u2018a fake\u2019. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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photo by Brett Jordan for Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n

Splitting can also be seen in the way you attempt to communicate your needs in <\/strong>relationships when you have BPD<\/a>. You see things in terms of \u2018always\u2019 or \u2018never\u2019. When you are angry at someone, you tell them they ‘are never there for you’. And your friends have to ‘always be there for you’. Of course in reality nobody can be there for us all the time, and everyone will disappoint us now and then.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your habit of splitting can also spill over into the way you see things in general.<\/strong> Things are amazing, or horrible. You are having the best day, or the worst day ever.<\/p>\n

How do I know if I am splitting?<\/h2>\n

Look at the words you are using <\/strong>when you think of a situation or person. Are you using opposites and extremes? Like:<\/p>\n