{"id":14103,"date":"2016-02-18T11:00:11","date_gmt":"2016-02-18T11:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=14103"},"modified":"2023-01-20T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2023-01-20T12:00:00","slug":"unconditional-positive-regard-what-it-is-and-why-you-need-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/unconditional-positive-regard-what-it-is-and-why-you-need-it.htm","title":{"rendered":"Unconditional Positive Regard -What It Is and Why You Need It"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Unconditional<\/a>

By: BK<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Unconditional positive regard, or<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cUPR\u201d, is a concept made popular by Carl Rogers<\/a>. The creator of person-centred counselling,<\/a><\/span> Rogers was also one of the founders of humanistic therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

What is unconditional positive regard?<\/h2>\n
\n

\u201cPeople are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.” I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.\u201d Carl Rogers, in his book Ways of Being<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Unconditional positive regard refers to<\/strong> accepting and supporting another person exactly as they are, without evaluating or judging<\/a> them. <\/span><\/p>\n

At the heart of this concept is the belief that every person has the personal resources within<\/a> to help themselves. They simply need to be offered an environment of acceptance that can foster their own recognition of this.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

An example of UPR in action<\/h2>\n

It can help to think of a<\/strong> parent\/child relationship<\/a> to understand UPR.<\/p>\n

If you had a good parent they would have shown you unconditional positive regard.<\/strong> You would have been accepted regardless of how you behaved, or what you did or thought. If you made mistakes, or had a temper tantrum, it was okay. When you were a teenager with wildly different opinions to your parent, that was entirely acceptable, too.<\/p>\n

You were trying out new things and discovering who you are, and your parent or guardian believed you had the inner resources to get through your ‘growing pains’ and grow up into a responsible adult.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If your childhood did not contain unconditional positive regard, it would mean <\/strong>you were shown disapproval if you did something that did not match what your parent wanted. For example, if you disagreed with their idea of what was correct you would have been told you were ‘wrong’ and ‘had a lot to learn’.<\/p>\n

The idea shared would have been that you didn’t have any inner resources to find your own way forward but had to listen to what you were told to do to become a ‘man’ or ‘woman’ who ‘deserved’ things like respect. And if you followed their rules you would be accepted and considered valuable. You were shown ‘conditional’ positive regard.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Unconditional positive regard vs. unconditional love<\/h2>\n

Does this example imply that you must love someone, like a<\/strong> good parent loves a child, to show UPR? Absolutely not.<\/p>\n

\"what<\/a>

By: Flavio~<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Unconditional positive regard does not even mean you have to particularly like someone.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It only requires that you\u00a0 believe they have the inner resources to find their way forward and extend respect. You put your personal opinion to one side and receive and accept them just the way they are, and believe they are a valuable person like the rest of us.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In this way unconditional positive regard is a psychological approach<\/strong> over the biological impetus ‘unconditional love’ could be seen as.<\/p>\n

So yes, many parents offer their children unconditional love, because it feels a natural drive within them. But this does not instantly imply they also offer their child unconditional positive regard, which requires mental effort and commitment.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The power of UPR in the therapy room<\/h2>\n

According to Carl Rogers, UPR is about creating an environment for clients that most allows for their healthy development.<\/strong> (This was of course combined with other key mindsets he felt a therapist should offer, some of which you can read about in our article on ‘the Elements of Good Listening’<\/a><\/span>).<\/p>\n

An environment of unconditional positive regard benefits the client in the following ways:<\/strong><\/p>\n