{"id":14117,"date":"2016-02-23T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T11:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=14117"},"modified":"2023-03-08T09:46:54","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T09:46:54","slug":"giving-advice-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/giving-advice-in-relationships.htm","title":{"rendered":"Giving Advice- Why it Could Be Ruining Your Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"how<\/a>

By: DncnH<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

We are a \u201chow to\u201d society these days, bombarded with do-it-yourself videos and TV shows, self-help books, and advice columns.<\/p>\n

The knock-on effect is that many of us freely dish out unasked for advice without even realising that we are doing so<\/strong> \u2013 or what negative affects this might be creating.<\/p>\n

5 ways giving advice damages relationships<\/h2>\n

Here are five reasons why unasked for advice can be the worst thing when it comes to relationships.<\/p>\n

1. Advice is actually a form of judgement over support. <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

You might think you are being helpful by offering unsolicited advice, but giving your opinion freely actually says to another, ‘I don’t think you are smart enough to find your own answers.’<\/p>\n

2. Giving advice stops others from learning and growing. <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

Giving advice is a hidden way of making assumptions<\/span> <\/a>about another person. You are assuming that they don’t have the personal resources<\/a><\/span> to find answers within themselves. This stops the other person from taking the time to look within and listen to themselves, or even find their own resources at all. Which they do have – we all do.<\/p>\n

You are also stopping any kind of creative brainstorming that might lead to you actually learning a thing or too yourself.<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

3. The advice that might seem right to you is often wrong for another. <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n
\"giving<\/a>

By: Laughlin Elkind<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Advice assumes that your perspective<\/a><\/span> is the right one and the way you see things will work perfectly for others. But you have had a unique set of experiences that might be very different than the other person’s.<\/p>\n

So while it might seem perfectly logic to you that your friend quit her job because her boss has been rude, you might have had a successful life that means you navigate conflict<\/a><\/span> easily. Your friend, on the other hand, might need the opportunity to stay put and break a longstanding pattern of not communicating her needs and boundaries<\/a><\/span> in the workplace.<\/p>\n

4. Advice closes instead of opens communication. <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

It might feel that offering your unsolicited opinion will open the door for creative, mind-expanding discussion on how your ideas can improve the life of the other person. But you’ll find more often than not the conversation ends or the other person changes the topic because they feel judged and feel defensive.<\/p>\n

5. Advice is often selfish and pushes people away. <\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

The truth is that we rarely give advice out of a desire to help others. If we truly wanted to do that, we’d instead develop good listening skills<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n

The real reason most of us give advice is that we want to feel better about ourselves. We want to feel wise, useful, powerful, or like our own experiences have had a purpose.<\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Or, worse, we are using ‘giving advice’ to hurt the other person or passive aggressively express our anger.<\/strong> \u201cYou know, if I was you, I’d buy a small calendar just for putting everyone’s birthdays in, but then again I’m not the type to go and forget birthdays of those I apparently love\u201d.<\/p>\n

The result of all your great unsolicited advice is….?<\/h2>\n

So in summary, even if you think you give great advice (which can be helpful if it’s asked for!) is that if it’s unasked for, it instead might have the effect of:<\/p>\n