{"id":14216,"date":"2016-03-08T11:00:03","date_gmt":"2016-03-08T11:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=14216"},"modified":"2026-09-09T10:35:00","modified_gmt":"2026-09-09T09:35:00","slug":"why-you-cant-fall-in-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-you-cant-fall-in-love.htm","title":{"rendered":"Can’t Fall In Love? 10 Psychological Issues That Could Be Stopping You"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"can't

By: El Payo<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Do you worry that you’ve never actually been in love<\/strong>, but are just pretending? Or that something is wrong with you, and you actually can’t fall in love? Perhaps you’ve decided that love is silly anyway, and you don’t really need it.<\/p>\n

Psychologically speaking, we do need love<\/strong> – not the false representation offered by films and novels, more often than not a culture of addictive relationships<\/a><\/span> over real love, but consistent connection and support from others that helps us recognise our value.<\/p>\n

Shutting down to love can lead not just to loneliness<\/a><\/span><\/span>, but to depression<\/a>, anxiety<\/a>, and a lowered immune system.<\/p>\n

Before you decide that you can’t fall in love, consider whether one of these psychological blocks might be the real issue.<\/strong><\/p>\n

10 Psychological issues that mean you can’t fall in love<\/span><\/h2>\n

1. Fear of intimacy<\/h3>\n
\n

Is there a point part way into any relationship where you start to experience feelings of panic? Do you sabotage the connection or leave? Have people told you that you have a ‘wall’ they can’t get past?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Just because you appear confident and positive in relationships doesn’t mean you don’t suffer from fear of intimacy.<\/strong> We can’t fall in love unless we trust others enough to show them our weak side and our worries. Fear of intimacy is, at its core, a fear of being fully seen and of being seen as imperfect.<\/p>\n

[Read more in our popular article, ‘7 Surprising Signs You Suffer Fear of Intimacy<\/a>‘.]<\/p>\n

2. Low self-worth<\/h3>\n
\n

Do thoughts occasionally surface like, “I am just too hard to love,” or, “there are too many things wrong with me”? Do you often feel flawed, or that you’re not enough?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Low self-worth means feeling that you are not as good as other people, or that there is something wrong with you that can’t be fixed. It’s normal to struggle with self-esteem<\/a><\/span> now and then. But if you feel truly worthless, this can either attract someone who takes advantage of you rather than loves you, or lead you to hide from love altogether, worried that others will only see the negative.<\/p>\n

3. Dependency<\/h3>\n
\n

Do you become so needy whenever someone shows interest that you end up scaring them away?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Dependency<\/a> involves a core belief that you cannot manage life by yourself, and need others to take care of you. It can mean you struggle to see your own inner resources – often because, as a child, you were heavily criticised or discouraged from being independent.<\/p>\n

4. Abandonment issues<\/h3>\n
\n
\"why

By: er madx<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/blockquote>\n

\n

Do you constantly worry that the person you’re dating will cheat on you or leave? Do you tend to leave at the first sign they’re not happy with you?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Being let down or neglected by the adults around us as a child – even if, as an adult, we can rationalise what happened, such as a family death<\/a><\/span>\u00a0or a divorce<\/span><\/a> that was for the best – can affect our capacity to trust others. This can mean we struggle to fall in love easily, or at all.<\/p>\n

5. Codependency<\/h3>\n
\n

Do you want to make others happy in relationships, but somehow always end up feeling unhappy and drained yourself? Do you feel madly in love, only to suddenly see your partner quite differently and panic?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Codependency<\/span><\/a> involves confusing pleasing others with love. It often stems from a childhood where attention was only given when you were a ‘good’ child, or where you were expected to take care of others instead of being taken care of.<\/p>\n

6. Attachment issues<\/h3>\n
\n

Are you an independent person who is horrified to feel needy whenever you try to like someone? Do relationships bring up fear and anxiety for you? Or do you feel unable to trust anyone to do what they say?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Attachment theory<\/span><\/a> holds that growing up into an emotionally stable adult requires a strong, trusting bond with a caregiver in infancy \u2014 one that stays consistent no matter our behaviour, whether we are happy, sad, or upset. Without this, we may grow into the codependent or intimacy-fearing adults described above.<\/p>\n

7. Childhood abuse<\/h3>\n
\n

Do you find it hard to trust anyone? Or are you drawn to the wrong types of people, despite yourself?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Abuse of any kind – sexual<\/a><\/span>, physical, or emotional<\/a><\/span> – can leave an adult wary of letting others close. Left unresolved, it can also lead to choosing partners who are abusive, neglectful, or unavailable, replicating a pattern learned in childhood. What feels like love at first is often something else entirely.<\/p>\n

8. Addictive behaviours<\/h3>\n

Do you mean to find love, but find that work, exercise, or other commitments always take priority?<\/p>\n

Just because a behaviour is socially acceptable doesn’t mean it’s healthy. If something like work<\/a><\/span>, exercise, or overeating<\/a><\/span> has become an addiction, it may not only leave no room in your life for love, but also point to deeper issues around relationships that the behaviour is masking.<\/p>\n

\"can't

By: Pixel Addict<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

9. Perfectionism can mean you can’t fall in love<\/h3>\n
\n

Are you endlessly searching for the perfect partner, but never quite finding them?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

There’s a difference between having standards and self-respect, and using perfectionism<\/a> to block love by holding onto an unrealistic view of it. Perfectionism becomes a psychological issue when it’s used to conceal fear of intimacy, low self-esteem or black and white thinking<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n

10. Personality disorders<\/h3>\n
\n

Do you feel confused about why relationships seem so hard for you, when others seem to manage more easily?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

You may have a personality disorder – a consistent pattern of thinking and behaving, present since adolescence, that differs markedly from the norm. Because you experience the world differently, others may find it harder to understand and relate to you. In cases like schizoid personality disorder<\/a><\/u>, for example, some people don’t feel a strong pull toward others in the first place.<\/p>\n

Borderline personality disorder (BPD)<\/span><\/a> in particular can make relationships challenging. Sufferers deeply want to be loved, but heightened emotional sensitivity and fear of abandonment can make falling in love feel overwhelming, leading to overreacting<\/a>, sabotage<\/a>, and low mood<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And if these issues are why I can’t fall in love?<\/h2>\n

First, don’t panic – you are far from alone.<\/strong> All of the above are issues that counsellors and psychotherapists<\/span><\/a>\u00a0work with regularly.<\/p>\n

The good news is that these blocks can be overcome<\/strong>, or at the very least managed. All forms of counselling and psychotherapy support you in relating to others, by helping you build a clearer sense of who you are and what you want from life and relationships.<\/p>\n

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)<\/a>, for example, is a popular short-term approach that helps you change the way you think and feel \u2014 about yourself and others. Other therapies, such as cognitive analytic therapy (CAT)<\/span><\/a> and dynamic interpersonal therapy (DIT)<\/a><\/span>, focus specifically on relational patterns.<\/p>\n

Want to work with a therapist who can help you break your blocks to love? Harley Therapy connects you with some of the best private psychologists<\/a><\/span> and psychotherapists in central London<\/a><\/span>. If you aren’t in London, our booking platform<\/a><\/span> connects you with registered online therapists wherever you are.<\/p>\n

\n

Have we forgotten a psychological issue that means you can’t fall in love? Share below.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

Dr Sheri Jacobson Founder & Clinical Director, Harley Therapy<\/p><\/div>\n

Dr Sheri Jacobson<\/a> founded Harley Therapy<\/a> in 2006 to make first-rate therapy accessible through carefully vetted practitioners, and later co-founded the Harley Therapy Platform<\/a> to extend that access UK-wide.<\/em><\/p>\n

She holds an MA in Philosophy, Politics and Economics from Oxford University, an MSc in Social Anthropology from UCL, and a PhD in Counselling and Psychotherapy from Regent’s College, London.<\/em><\/p>\n

A former senior therapist with the BACP, she now leads the clinic and the Platform full-time. In that time, the clinic has conducted over 250,000 therapy sessions. She has been featured in The Times<\/a>, Metro<\/a>, and Refinery29<\/a>, and regularly speaks on mental health and wellbeing.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you worry that you’ve never actually been in love, but are just pretending? Or that something is wrong with you, and you actually can’t fall in love? Perhaps you’ve decided that love is silly anyway, and you don’t really need it. Psychologically speaking, we do need love – not the false representation offered by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14231,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[393,379],"class_list":["post-14216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-love","tag-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nCan't Fall In Love? 10 Psychological Issues That Could Be Stopping You - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\""Why can't I fall in love?" \u00a0Before you give up on ever being in a relationship, consider if these psychological issues are blocking you from finding love.\u00a0\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-you-cant-fall-in-love.htm\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Can't Fall In Love? 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Or that something is wrong with you, and you actually can’t fall in love? Perhaps you’ve decided that love is silly anyway, and you don’t really need it. 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