{"id":14521,"date":"2016-04-26T11:00:49","date_gmt":"2016-04-26T10:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=14521"},"modified":"2023-03-06T10:03:59","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T10:03:59","slug":"victim-mentality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/victim-mentality.htm","title":{"rendered":"The Victim Mentality \u2013 What It Is and Why You Use It"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"victim<\/a>

By: Walter Watzpatzkowski<\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Had a tough life? And sometimes feel like you can’t get ahead, no matter how hard you try? Because the world is just too terrible and dangerous? You might be trapped in the victim mentality.<\/p>\n

What is a \u2018Victim Mentality’?<\/h3>\n

When we have a victim mentality, we see the world<\/strong> through a lens of good versus bad. We are the innocent person, and the bad things are outside of ourselves.<\/p>\n

And, most importantly, we believe we are powerless to do anything in the face of all this ‘badness’. That life happens TO us, rather than the idea that we are choosing and creating it in any way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This means you blame your challenges in life <\/strong>on others around you, even if you can\u2019t prove their negative actions. You might also blame many things on circumstances, which you see as always unfair.<\/p>\n

Being a Victim vs Self Pity vs Victim Mentality<\/h3>\n

Bad things can certainly happen in life. <\/strong>You might experience a crime, such as fraud, or even sexual assault<\/a><\/span>. Or live through childhood trauma<\/a>. You are a\u00a0victim.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

In such a case you have every right to feel that things were out of your control,<\/strong> because they were. Any thought that it’s somehow your fault and you are responsible is obviously erroneous thinking.<\/p>\n

It’s also perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself every once in a while. Or<\/strong>\u00a0feel powerless<\/a> in the face of a challenge like a bereavement<\/a><\/span> or divorce<\/a><\/span>. This is\u00a0self-pity.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

A victim mentality, on the other hand, means you identify with your status of a victim and become reliant on pity. The trauma didn’t just happen to you, it becomes who you are. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You don’t move on from the trauma but you hold onto it, making it part of your story that you tell again and again.<\/strong> And you become stuck in this mindset. <\/span><\/p>\n

A victim versus a healthy person<\/h3>\n

At its heart, victim mentality is a misunderstood<\/strong> coping mechanism. Often it is from childhood trauma. <\/span><\/p>\n

And as a child we really were helpless. Feeling sorry for ourselves was our only way to self soothe. <\/span>But here we are, powerful adults. We can make different choices, we can walk away from things, and we are deciding, in many cases, the life and relationships we are living out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

A healthy person sees that they are choosing what is happening to them and sees their power to take charge.<\/strong> They chose to be in a relationship with someone critical. They chose a bad job. And they can choose to quit the relationship or the job.<\/p>\n

But the victim mentality blinds us to this. We still play that helpless child. We are paralysed,<\/strong> unable to take responsibility and make decisions that would move us forward. Deep down we might even believe we deserve to suffer, or that the only way to get attention and love is if others feel sorry for us.<\/p>\n

Why would I choose to always be a victim?<\/h3>\n
\"victim<\/a>

By: super awesome<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Constantly acting a victim can actually have a lot of perks.<\/strong> These can look like the following:<\/p>\n