{"id":14825,"date":"2016-08-16T11:00:29","date_gmt":"2016-08-16T10:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=14825"},"modified":"2023-03-14T04:57:40","modified_gmt":"2023-03-14T04:57:40","slug":"fear-of-abandonment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-abandonment.htm","title":{"rendered":"Fear of Abandonment – 12 Signs it is Secretly Sabotaging Your Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By: Nisha A<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you have trouble maintaining healthy relationships? <\/strong>It could be fear of abandonment at play, even if your childhood seemed stable.<\/p>\n

Abandonment issues can rise from other forms of neglect or rejection besides a parent leaving. <\/strong>Perhaps you had a depressed or addicted parent who had no time for you, or lost a close family member like a grandparent to illness.<\/p>\n

It can even be that your abandonment issues developed later in life, <\/strong>like your first attempt at romantic love ending in being terribly hurt.<\/p>\n

[Read our piece on How Abandonment Issues Work<\/span> <\/a>for more].<\/p>\n

12 Signs that fear of abandonment is affecting your relationships<\/span><\/h2>\n

What are the things you can look for that might mean your relationships are affected by a fear of abandonment?<\/p>\n

1. You find letting someone get close harder than most.<\/h3>\n

If you have a fear of abandonment it often causes a deep fear of intimacy<\/span><\/a>. Why? If someone fully knows you, they can fully reject you. Keeping others at arm’s length means you feel safer.<\/p>\n

2. You might secretly doubt you’ve ever really been in love.<\/h3>\n

Those who fear abandonment rarely (if ever) show their full self to another. They can’t, because they have trained themselves to be self-protective or to manipulate others to love and stay with them. And it’s almost impossible for love to grow with the lack of authenticity<\/span><\/a> these behaviours create.<\/p>\n

3. You’ve been called controlling, clingy, or cold.<\/h3>\n
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By: Kevin Jaako<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

An unconscious fear of being abandoned can mean you try to make sure this doesn’t happen again. And this tends to manifest as an extreme of holding on too tight, or not holding on at all. The latter means you can’t be left, as you don’t ever fully commit enough that someone can leave you.<\/p>\n

4. You have a set of core beliefs that reflect abandonment.<\/h3>\n

Core beliefs<\/span><\/a> are things we take as facts about the way the world works that are really just a perspective<\/span><\/a> we have taken on. Core beliefs those with a fear of abandonment have tend to be along the lines of –<\/p>\n