{"id":15227,"date":"2016-08-25T11:00:31","date_gmt":"2016-08-25T10:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=15227"},"modified":"2023-03-09T15:02:36","modified_gmt":"2023-03-09T15:02:36","slug":"i-hate-my-therapist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-hate-my-therapist.htm","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;I Hate My Therapist&#8221; &#8211; the Essential Questions to Ask Next"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_15515\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/482348262_b97ed473c1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-15515\" class=\"wp-image-15515 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/482348262_b97ed473c1-400x266.jpg\" alt=\"I hate my therapist\" width=\"400\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/482348262_b97ed473c1-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/482348262_b97ed473c1.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/482348262_b97ed473c1-180x120.jpg 180w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-15515\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/esparta\/482348262\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Esparta Palma<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/therapeutic\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Therapy is really a relationship<\/span><\/a> between two people \u2013 you and your therapist. And like any <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/healthy-relationships-help-guide.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">relationship<\/span><\/a>, it doesn&#8217;t always work out, and you can be left thinking, &#8220;I hate my therapist!&#8221; What next?<\/p>\n<p>[And read our connected article, too, &#8216;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/finding-a-therapist.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">What to do if you don&#8217;t like your therapist<\/span><\/a>&#8216;.]<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Questions to ask if you don&#8217;t like your therapist<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&#8216;Hating&#8217; your therapist can also be a sign of other things altogether. How can you tell if &#8220;I hate my therapist&#8221; means move on &#8211; or something else? Go through our handy question list.<\/p>\n<h3>1. Have I taken my time to come to the conclusion that I don&#8217;t like my therapist?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>How long have I been seeing this therapist?<\/li>\n<li>Is it long enough to question if they are the right therapist for me?<\/li>\n<li>Have I tried the rule of four?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>Much like dating, where you can be somewhat unsure of someone but then they grow on you, it&#8217;s suggested you give a therapist at least four sessions (three plus an assessment) before deciding it&#8217;s a fit or not.<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_15517\" style=\"width: 392px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-15517\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-15517\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/3263691720_26b66073e5-382x400.jpg\" alt=\"I don't like my therapist\" width=\"382\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/3263691720_26b66073e5-382x400.jpg 382w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/3263691720_26b66073e5-20x20.jpg 20w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/3263691720_26b66073e5.jpg 461w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-15517\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/46183897@N00\/3263691720\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Robert Nunnally<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<h3>2. What are my concrete reasons for not liking him or her?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Can I clearly list my reasons on paper?<\/li>\n<li>Are my reasons emotional, or rational?<\/li>\n<li>Can I find facts and evidence to support each reason?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>There are valid reasons to not work with a therapist, and if a therapist ever crosses a professional boundary then it makes sense to leave immediately.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>But if your reasons are &#8216;a funny feeling they don&#8217;t like me&#8217;, or small details like the way they look, speak, or move their hands, you might be secretly <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-sabotage.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">sabotaging<\/span><\/a> your own progress. <\/em><\/p>\n<h3>3. Is this about my therapist, or therapy?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Is the process of therapy making me feel at all uncomfortable or vulnerable?<\/li>\n<li>Did I choose to do therapy or was I pushed into it by someone?<\/li>\n<li>Is it my therapist I don&#8217;t like, or the process of therapy itself?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>Therapy is a strange concept, if you think about it. And it&#8217;s not always pleasant. But it does work. So do consider if you are panicking because it&#8217;s an all new experience, and remember things take time to adjust to. <\/em><\/p>\n<h3>4. Is this situation familiar to me, if I&#8217;m honest with myself?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Do I often not like people at first?<\/li>\n<li>Do I have troubles making friends? Or forming lasting relationships?<\/li>\n<li>Would it be fair say that I have trust issues? Or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-intimacy.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">find intimacy hard<\/span><\/a>?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>Many people who attend therapy have issues letting people close. And if you don&#8217;t trust others, why would you suddenly trust your therapist? It&#8217;s okay to need time to do so. Look for the possibility of trust instead. Do they seem like the person you might grow to trust over time?<\/em><\/p>\n<h3>5. Am I seeing my therapist as they really are?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<div id=\"attachment_15516\" style=\"width: 272px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-15516\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-15516\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14577494557_54e2ee9143-262x400.jpg\" alt=\"I hate my therapist\" width=\"262\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14577494557_54e2ee9143-262x400.jpg 262w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14577494557_54e2ee9143.jpg 327w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 262px) 100vw, 262px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-15516\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/internetarchivebookimages\/14577494557\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Internet Archive Book Images<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p>Does my therapist remind me of someone from the past?<\/li>\n<li>Is it possible that I actually feel they don&#8217;t like me and I am projecting?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>Therapy is an intense process, and strange dynamics can happen.<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychological-projection-are-you-making-everyone-else-responsible.htm\"> Projection<\/a> is when you transfer your own feelings onto someone else (in this case your therapist). <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-deal-with-transference-in-therapy.htm\">Transference<\/a> is when we unconsciously transfer feelings about someone from the past onto our therapist.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Neither of these mean you should quit working with your therapist &#8211; once recognised they can be tools for exploration and growth. <\/em><\/p>\n<h3>6. Have I fully committed to therapy?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Do I often quit things you start? Relationships, projects, even jobs?<\/li>\n<li>Have I doubted therapy all along?<\/li>\n<li>What is it that makes me <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/doubt-in-relationships.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">doubt<\/span> <\/a>therapy?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>If you are a commitment phobe, who worries and doubts most things they get involved in, then therapy will be no different. Deciding your therapist isn&#8217;t good enough or that you &#8216;hate your therapist&#8217; can just be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-sabotage.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">self-sabotage<\/span><\/a> in disguise. <\/em><\/p>\n<h3>7. Have I approached this situation in an appropriate way?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Have I been honest with my therapist that I&#8217;m not sure it&#8217;s working?<\/li>\n<li>Could I at least let them know the process itself is making me uncomfortable?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>It&#8217;s possible you find telling people how you really feel embarrassing. But remember, you are paying for therapy. And your therapist is trained to handle people&#8217;s honest thoughts. The very act of trying to have an open conversation with your therapist can be learning curve in communicating that can make all you&#8217;ve gone through in the therapy room worth your investment, even if you do decide to leave. <\/em><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Time to change therapists or move on?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><strong>If you&#8217;ve answered the questions above and it seems that your feelings about your therapist could be confused with your feelings about therapy in general, try to keep going.<\/strong> Another therapist will likely produce the same effects, meaning you have sabotaged your progress and started again for no good reason.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But if your answers show this is not about therapy or your own issues but that your therapist is not good at their job or is<\/strong> someone you will just never relax around, then don&#8217;t quit therapy. Quit the therapist. Like dating, it can take a few attempts before something works out.<\/p>\n<p><strong>[You might find our piece, &#8216;<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">I want to fire my therapist<\/span>&#8216; a useful read, as well as our piece on &#8216;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-find-a-good-therapist.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">finding the right therapist for you<\/span><\/a>&#8216;]. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>You might even be engaged in the wrong kind of therapy for your personality and issues.<\/strong> Another kind of therapy altogether can be a revelation that means you end up loving the process and your next therapist. Read or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychotherapeutic-approaches-the-main-schools-of-thought.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">guide to different schools of therapeutic thought<\/span><\/a> if this might be your real issue.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Need a new therapist? Harley Therapy strictly vets therapists to ensure they are highly competent. We offer <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">counsellors, psychotherapists, and counselling psychologists in London<\/span> as well as worldwide via<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/online-counselling-psychologists.htm\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"> online therapy<\/span>.<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><b><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-150x150.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy mental health expert\" width=\"113\" height=\"113\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-50x50.png 50w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673.png 268w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 113px) 100vw, 113px\" \/>Andrea M. Darcy <\/b>is a mental health and wellbeing expert with training in person-centred counselling and coaching. As well as being a popular writer she works as a consultant helping people\u00a0 plan their perfect therapy journey. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Therapy is really a relationship between two people \u2013 you and your therapist. And like any relationship, it doesn&#8217;t always work out, and you can be left thinking, &#8220;I hate my therapist!&#8221; What next? [And read our connected article, too, &#8216;What to do if you don&#8217;t like your therapist&#8216;.] Questions to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":15515,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[5311],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-going-to-therapy","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.3 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>&quot;I Hate My Therapist&quot; - the Essential Questions to Ask Next<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Find yourself screaming &quot;I hate my therapist&quot;? It might not mean what you think. 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Darcy","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-hate-my-therapist.htm","url":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-hate-my-therapist.htm","name":"\"I Hate My Therapist\" - the Essential Questions to Ask Next","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-hate-my-therapist.htm#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/i-hate-my-therapist.htm#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/482348262_b97ed473c1.jpg","datePublished":"2016-08-25T10:00:31+00:00","dateModified":"2023-03-09T15:02:36+00:00","description":"Find yourself screaming \"I hate my therapist\"? It might not mean what you think. 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":16,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy Therapy is really a relationship between two people \u2013 you and your therapist. And like any relationship, it doesn&#8217;t always work out, and you can be left thinking, &#8220;I hate my therapist!&#8221; What next? 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