{"id":23639,"date":"2017-10-10T11:00:39","date_gmt":"2017-10-10T10:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=23639"},"modified":"2023-03-06T11:44:31","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T11:44:31","slug":"what-does-feeling-vulnerable-mean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-does-feeling-vulnerable-mean.htm","title":{"rendered":"What Does Feeling Vulnerable Mean? (Perhaps Not What You Think)"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_23651\" style=\"width: 380px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-23651\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-23651\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14759920506_9b8d519713-370x400.jpg\" alt=\"what is feeling vulnerable\" width=\"370\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14759920506_9b8d519713-370x400.jpg 370w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/14759920506_9b8d519713.jpg 462w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 370px) 100vw, 370px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-23651\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/internetarchivebookimages\/14759920506\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">Internet Archive Book Images<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em>Have you always secretly believed that being emotionally vulnerable is a terrible idea?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>For those of us who experienced <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-childhood-trauma.htm\">childhood trauma<\/a> (and sadly, that&#8217;s many of us),<strong> avoiding emotional vulnerability might have been a useful survival tactic.<\/strong> We just couldn&#8217;t bear to feel any more emotional pain, so we learned to dodge it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But are those same ideas of vulnerability still serving you as an adult?<\/strong> Or is it time to re-assess your ideas around being emotionally vulnerable?<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #000000;\">5 Myths about feeling vulnerable\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>See if you are telling yourself the following myths about feeling vulnerable.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">1. I am vulnerable, I share about my life on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/negative-effects-of-facebook.htm\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>Sharing and vulnerability are two separate things.<\/strong> Sharing means offering facts and opinions.<\/p>\n<p>Vulnerability means <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/authentic-self.htm\">being authentic<\/a> about how you are feeling, and truthful about who you are and how things you have experienced have affected you.<\/p>\n<p><em>Oversharing can be a way to avoid being vulnerable. Giving exact details about a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/getting-over-a-breakup.htm\">breakup<\/a> and turning it into a comedy, for example, can be a way to avoid showing how hurt you really are.<\/em><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">2. Being vulnerable makes you miserable and I want to feel happy.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<div id=\"attachment_23648\" style=\"width: 276px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-23648\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-23648\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2932867232_77f66910cf-266x400.jpg\" alt=\"what does vulnerable mean\" width=\"266\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2932867232_77f66910cf-266x400.jpg 266w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2932867232_77f66910cf.jpg 333w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 266px) 100vw, 266px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-23648\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/spaztacular\/2932867232\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">spaztacular<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>Letting ourselves feel happy is often a way to feel more vulnerable, not less.<\/strong>\u00a0For example, if we <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-you-cant-fall-in-love.htm\">dare to love someone<\/a>, we are vulnerable to the pain of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/the-private-hell-of-rejection-why-does-it-keep-happening-to-you.htm\">being rejected<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So happy or sad,<\/strong> vulnerability happens. Avoiding it in an effort to feel good doesn&#8217;t work.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">What is true here is that vulnerability <em>without discernment<\/em> can indeed lead to feeling miserable.\u00a0Sharing your deepest self with someone you know is<span style=\"color: #666699;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/emotionally-abusive-relationships.htm\">emotionally abusive<\/a><\/span> or emotionally unavailable can veer into self-abuse over healthy vulnerability, or can be a sign of<span style=\"color: #666699;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/compassion-for-borderline-personality-disorder.htm\">borderline personality disorder<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">3. I don&#8217;t have time for all that emotional stuff.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><strong>There are all sorts of excuses we can come up with to avoid being emotionally vulnerable<\/strong> &#8211; we <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/need-more-time.htm\">don&#8217;t have the time<\/a>, it&#8217;s not safe, it&#8217;s for other people, but not us. But these excuses are a way of trying to avoid feelings we are scared of or ashamed about.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Researcher and author Bren\u00e9 Brown, perhaps the most famous commentator today on vulnerability, writes that<\/strong> \u201cwe associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-abandonment.htm\">fear<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/shame-definition.htm\">shame<\/a>, and uncertainty. Yet we too often lose sight of the fact that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/authentic-relationships.htm\">authenticity<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/help-me-find-love.htm\">love<\/a>.\u201d And aren&#8217;t those worth making time for?<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">4. I need to be strong to survive, and vulnerability is weakness.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>Being emotionally vulnerable undoubtedly has its risks.\u00a0 It means letting someone see who we really are,\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0knowing that this means we risk<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-handle-rejection.htm\"> being rejected<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-abandonment.htm\">feeling abandoned<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>It often means risking <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/repressed-memories-are-they-real.htm\">triggering old memories<\/a> and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-are-repressed-emotions.htm\">unprocessed childhood pain<\/a>, too.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_23646\" style=\"width: 277px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9438414181_87b5a42efc.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-23646\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-23646\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9438414181_87b5a42efc-267x400.jpg\" alt=\"what does vulnerable mean \" width=\"267\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9438414181_87b5a42efc-267x400.jpg 267w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/9438414181_87b5a42efc.jpg 334w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 267px) 100vw, 267px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-23646\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/zionfiction\/9438414181\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\" \">r. nial bradshaw<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>But on the other hand, refusing to be vulnerable can be more of a tired pattern <\/strong>of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-intimacy.htm\">pushing others away<\/a> and hiding emotionally over real personal strength. The payoff can be\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-overcome-loneliness.htm\">loneliness<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/repressed-anger.htm\">repressed anger<\/a>, shame,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/anger-management-help-guide.htm\"> inner rage<\/a>, others not trusting us, and, eventually,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/depression-vs-sadness.htm\"> depression.<\/a><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Summary &#8212; while avoiding being vulnerable might see us &#8216;survive&#8217;, it definitely does not see us thrive.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span style=\"color: #993366;\">5. I am just not made to feel vulnerable.<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>If you&#8217;ve shut off your emotions for long enough, you can convince yourself <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-do-i-feel-so-unloveable.htm\">you are flawed<\/a> and &#8216;made of stone&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But we all feel vulnerable<\/strong>, unless we have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-a-narcissist.htm\">narcissistic personality disorder<\/a> or are a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-a-sociopath.htm\">sociopath<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Feeling vulnerable would be part of the brain&#8217;s survival design, triggering the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fight-or-flight-response.htm\">\u00a0fight of flight response<\/a> which once protected us from dangers like wild animals. And <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3181681\/\">research shows that some of us are genetically more inclined to feel vulnerable<\/a> than others, even.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So you are wired to feel vulnerable.<\/strong> Even if you repress it publicly and only let yourself feel it alone, late at night.<\/p>\n<h2>So what does feeling vulnerable mean then, really?<\/h2>\n<p>It means you are human.\u00a0<strong>And it means you are being asked to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/decision-making-skills-mental-health.htm\">make a decision<\/a>.<\/strong> Is this really a time to protect yourself? Are you engaging with the wrong person to risk judgement from? Then steer clear.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Or, is this a time to be brave, and to step towards personal growth?\u00a0<\/strong>To risk rejection and perhaps by doing so gaining a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/7-ways-stronger-sense.htm\">stronger sense of self<\/a>, a feeling of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/connecting-with-people.htm\">being connected to others,<\/a> and a sense of freedom to create the life that feels right for you, personally.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #808080;\">Would you like help in allowing yourself to be more emotionally vulnerable and connected to others? Harley Therapy connects you with experienced and friendly counsellors and therapists across the UK. Live elsewhere? Online Therapy helps wherever you are.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-7578 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-by-laura-e1404338249593-150x150.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy health writer\" width=\"124\" height=\"124\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-by-laura-e1404338249593-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-by-laura-e1404338249593-200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-by-laura-e1404338249593-50x50.png 50w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-by-laura-e1404338249593-20x20.png 20w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 124px) 100vw, 124px\" \/>Andrea M. Darcy<\/strong> is a health and wellbeing writer as well as mentor who often writes about trauma, relationships, and ADHD. Find her on Instgram @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Andrea M. Darcy Have you always secretly believed that being emotionally vulnerable is a terrible idea?\u00a0 For those of us who experienced childhood trauma (and sadly, that&#8217;s many of us), avoiding emotional vulnerability might have been a useful survival tactic. We just couldn&#8217;t bear to feel any more emotional pain, so we learned to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":23648,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[21,4,6],"tags":[277,379],"class_list":["post-23639","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety-and-stress","category-depression","category-relationships","tag-intimacy","tag-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.0 (Yoast SEO v27.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What Does Feeling Vulnerable Mean? (Perhaps Not What You Think) - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What does feeling vulnerable mean, really? Have you misunderstood the power of feeling vulnerable?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-does-feeling-vulnerable-mean.htm\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Does Feeling Vulnerable Mean? (Perhaps Not What You Think)\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What does feeling vulnerable mean, really? 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":1,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy Have you always secretly believed that being emotionally vulnerable is a terrible idea?\u00a0 For those of us who experienced childhood trauma (and sadly, that&#8217;s many of us), avoiding emotional vulnerability might have been a useful survival tactic. 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